I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 12: Fate Creeps In

Chapter 12: Fate Creeps In

Due to totally unavoidable circumstances—yeah, totally—

I ended up forming an adventuring party with Lily.

Since communication’s easier when you live nearby, I moved into the same adventurer’s inn she was staying at.

It was a pretty nice spot, right near the main street of the trade city Granule. Great view, decent food.

Far enough from the red-light district to avoid scandal…

But I still scouted out a back alley route I could sneak through at night.

A former Hero always needs an escape route, after all.

And then—

On the very night I moved in… Lily sprang the trap.

She started going at it in the next room.

Full-on seductive moans.

Like it was a live audio seduction show, just for me.

I mean, come on.

Sweet, proper priestess Lily… whispering “My dear Hero… ♥” in that sultry, breathy voice?

Then mixing in soft little “Yaan… ♥” sounds like she was really feeling it?

You expect me not to listen!?

Yeah, good luck with that.

That devious priestess even slipped in the occasional: “Lord Haruya… ♥”

What, you think I didn’t press my ear to the wall like my soul depended on it!?

But hey—I knew what this was.

Bait.

Clear as day.

Just another trap to lock me in.

So obviously, I didn’t fall for it.

Kept it cool. Totally composed.

Four rounds at night. One in the morning.

Thanks to some rigorous solo maintenance, I made it through alive.

Hah! This former Hero doesn’t fall for cheap tricks.

I’m a man of wisdom now.

Still… after all that, I figured Lily would be way too embarrassed to even look me in the eye at breakfast.

But nope.

There she was. 

Sitting across from me with the most serene, elegant expression imaginable—

Like last night’s moan-fest had never happened.

And honestly?

That level of composure just made my head spin even more.

Maybe I should just stop overthinking and go lose my virginity at a brothel already.

Anyway—with all that chaos in the rearview, I headed out to the Adventurers’ Guild again today.

To protect peace and happiness for all…

And to earn enough cash for some super satisfying sex someday.

Lily had to swing by the church for errands, so I was on solo duty.

Now that we’ve officially formed an adventuring party, my quest options have expanded.

Gotta admit—there are some real perks to this setup.

Hmm… which quest should I pick today?

Do I just go for the one with the fattest payout?

Back in my previous life, Lily never nitpicked my quest choices.

She understood the struggle of broke adventuring life, so she didn’t complain when I prioritized reward money.

Other party members, though?

Total backseat questers.

Because of them, I got roped into way too many unpaid gigs.

…Well, no point dwelling on those not-here-anymore folks.

The Demon King’s ghost is probably laughing at me somewhere.

As usual, the Adventurers’ Guild was bustling with activity.

I headed straight to the counter to update my emergency contact info.

“—Understood. So this is your new lodging, Lord Haruya?”

The bespectacled, beautiful guild receptionist scribbled my info down with practiced ease.

Then she looked up at me—

And let out a quiet sigh.

“Whew… Just to double-check, Lord Haruya—based on your past achievements, you technically qualify for emergency summons from both the kingdom and the guild. But… as long as you stay at Bronze Rank, you’ll be excluded under current guild policy. Are you sure you don’t want to rank up to Silver-Iron?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I like going at my own pace. But hey—if the guild’s ever in a real pinch, I’ll lend a hand.”

“…I-I’m sorry, what? Did I… mishear you just now?”

“When someone’s in trouble, we help each other out, right?”

I gave her a warm, friendly smile.

The beautiful receptionist blinked.

Then slowly took off her glasses, wiped them like she must’ve heard me wrong, and stared.

“You are Sir Haruya… right?”

“Haha, what’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re daydreaming in broad daylight.”

“Uh… no, it’s just… you seem kind of… refreshing today, somehow…”

She tilted her head, visibly confused—and maybe a little tired.

“If there’s something on your mind, I’m all ears. After all, it’s thanks to you folks running the guild that we adventurers get to do what we do.”

“O-Oh… thank you…?”

She looked like she’d either seen an illusion… or gotten bamboozled by a mimic in human form.

Poor thing was probably just overworked.

Maybe I’ll bring her a little gift next time.

Anyway—time to check the quest board, see if anything new popped up.

Just as I turned around, a magic stone rolled across the floor—clink, clink.

I picked it up and called out to the girl mage standing nearby.

“Hey, you.”

“Hm? …Geh—Haruya…”

The girl mage turned around and immediately made the most obvious ugh, not this guy face.

“This magic stone’s yours, right? You dropped it.”

“Ughhh, why’d you have to pick it up…”

“Was I not supposed to?”

“Of course not! I don’t want someone like you touching my stuff!”

She reached out like the stone was cursed or covered in slime—even though she dropped it.

Well… considering my usual behavior… yeah, that’s fair.

“Even if it’s my fault, it still stings when someone hates me that much.”

I gave her a small, slightly sad smile.

And to my surprise—her eyes went wide.

“Fweh!?”

“Here, lemme put a little charm on it so I never have to pick it up again.”

I gently opened her frozen-up hand, placed the magic stone in her palm, and closed her fingers around it.

Then smiled—soft, friendly, like I’d just cast a “don’t-drop-it-again” blessing.

“Fweh… fweh…?”

Her cheeks started turning red.

Was she catching a cold?

“…Hey, you okay? Your face’s kinda flushed.”

“I-It’s not red, okay!? It’s just—you’re acting super weird today!”

“I’m just being myself.”

“That’s the weird part! That smile! You’ve got this sparkly fresh aura all of a sudden! You are Haruya… right!?”

The girl mage gave me this… smoldering look.

Wait—hold on.

Was I not acting like myself just now?

Was that smile actually… charming!?

Huh? Huuuh!? …Oh no no no—!

Don’t tell me I’ve gone full Wise Sage Mode from too much solo time!?

And now I’m auto-running in Hero Mode—all sparkly, noble, and pure!?

Damn you, Lily!! Damn you, Goddess Flora!!

You’ve brainwashed me into the perfect Hero package!

This is bad!

If this keeps up, people are gonna start thinking I’m a cool, proper adventurer!

“Wheeeeey! It’s me, Haruyaaa~!”

I threw on the dumbest grin I could manage.

Instantly, the girl mage’s face did a hard pivot to pure disgust—

Like a hundred-year crush just withered and died.

“Geh… it’s Haruya, alright.”

“Did I getcha? Huh? Did I surprise ya? Haha! Thought I’d test a new vibe! Sooo, did you fall for me~?”

“Not even close! Gross! Absolute trash!”

“Ahaha, sorry! I just spend all day thinking about how to get that sweet, sweet humpy-hump in, y’know?”

And then—

Right there, in the middle of the guild—

I started aggressively thrusting my hips like a total lunatic.

That’s when I got the look.

Not just from her.

But from everyone nearby.

You know the one.

The “ew, what a creature” look.

Phew… close call.

Sure, being popular sounds great and all…

But if that popularity lands me back in the Hero spotlight?

Hard pass.

That whole “ideal hero” act is just non-stop stress.

Sparkly smiles. Polite vibes. Noble aura. 24/7?

…Ugh.

I do know someone who can actually pull that off.

“—Haruya, you’re a Hero. You have to live up to everyone’s expectations.”

Yeah, that’s what Filio used to say with the brightest, sparkliest smile you could imagine.

Filio Valshade—the so-called chivalrous thief.

He joined our party back when I was just starting to get recognized as a potential Hero candidate.

Honestly, Lily and I were doing fine—her holy magic and my sword skills were more than enough.

But yeah, traps and scouting weren’t exactly our strong suits…

Then bam—Filio shows up.

Out of nowhere.

Like he’d been summoned by narrative convenience.

And just kind of… joined us.

Uninvited.

His official class? Scout.

Great at finding traps, unlocking doors, sniffing out danger.

And that whole “chivalrous thief” thing?

Yeah, totally self-proclaimed.

“I’m the kind of thief who helps the weak and defeats evil!”

Man, that was a literal prince-tier smile.

That was the exact moment I knew—

This guy is not normal.

Way too sparkly. Way too well-groomed.

And judging by his gear, he definitely wasn’t hurting for money.

Then came the kicker—

He started refusing quest rewards.

Like it was totally natural.

Like doing good deeds for free was just part of the gig.

“It’s our duty, Hero!”

Even Lily didn’t complain about working for free.

That should’ve been my first clue something was off.

Sure, she serves the goddess and all, but she’s still practical.

She knows traveling costs money.

And yet… she went along with Filio’s self-righteous, reward-dodging nonsense without batting an eye.

Which could only mean one thing—

She already knew. 

She knew that as long as Filio was around, we’d never be short on cash.

Because Filio?

Yeah.

He was from some very noble bloodline.

“Hero, we were born carrying a sacred duty on our shoulders.”

Always with that radiant smile—

Like the weight of the world was just another stylish accessory in his collection.

After he joined the party, the danger level of our quests skyrocketed.

We were suddenly diving into dungeons meant for Platinum-ranked parties.

And after one brutal, month-long dungeon crawl that left me half-dead and emotionally bankrupt, Filio turned to me with the sunniest grin and said:

“This dungeon gave us something priceless… The bond between comrades! And the smiles of the people!”

Bro.

We almost died.

We basically volunteered for unpaid trauma.

And then he drops that line like it’s the moral of some uplifting anime episode.

If Lily was the one who pressured me from the inside—

Filio was the guy who pushed from the outside.

He’d grab high-risk, no-reward quests, spouting off about “the duties of the strong,”

And I’d nearly bite it every single time.

I mean, I was the Hero.

And she was a cute, busty girl who used “boku” like a boy.

So I let it slide.

But yeah…

Lily was the kind of girl who’d smile and dive into danger if it meant guiding me down the “Hero’s path.”

Put her and Filio together?

Boom. Instant disaster stew.

Anyway—there’s no way Filio would talk to a lowly, Bronze-ranked me now.

Right?

…Right?

So there I was—doing my usual pelvic-thrust dance in the middle of the guild hall,

Getting hit with a barrage of “Kyaa!”s (translation: Disgust! Fury! Murderous intent!) from every girl nearby—

When suddenly—

A breeze swept through the hall.

“—Cut it out, man! The girls are clearly uncomfortable!”

Standing there, looking like some righteous anime protagonist—

Eyes sharp, expression noble,

Judging me with the weight of justice itself…

Was none other than the chivalrous thief—

Filio Valshade.

Oh no.

Why, gods, why…!?

Why does destiny always sneak up on me like a slasher villain in a horror movie!?