I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 01: The Holy Hero’s Heartfelt Wish

Chapter 01: The Holy Hero’s Heartfelt Wish

Light versus darkness.

Justice versus evil.

Hero versus Demon King.

A battle destined to be remembered for centuries was finally reaching its epic climax.

Inside the vast grand hall of the Dark Temple,

A towering man in priest-like robes dropped to his knees, his face twisted in agony.

“G-Gwahhh!? Curse you…! Haruya Arden—the Holy Hero!!”

“This ends now, Demon King Chronova!!”

I gripped my sword tighter and locked eyes with the priest-looking bastard.

That guy—he was the Demon King, Chronova.

Once a servant of the goddess, now a monster steeped in darkness, hellbent on plunging the world into eternal night.

“Guh… You dare withstand my miasma…!?”

Most people would lose their minds just by being near him.

The air was so thick with corrupted energy, it stank like a sewer made of nightmares.

Honestly, it was strong enough to twist noses into pretzels.

“This… is the strength of the human spirit, Demon King!”

Yeah, I shouted that like a true-blue hero…

But between you and me?

It was all thanks to my gear.

The Holy Armor: Flora.

A divine relic blessed by the goddess herself.

It nullifies miasma, blocks low-tier magic—basically the best damn armor on the planet.

Only catch?

It comes with one very particular, very annoying requirement.

Chronova let out a bitter groan.

“That armor… the Holy Armor Flora…! To think a filthy human like you could wield a relic meant only for the pure of heart…”

Yep.

Totally busted.

I mean seriously—getting this armor to work was absolute hell.

The Holy Armor Flora, blessed by the goddess herself, can only be worn by those who are pure, noble, and beautiful of heart.

And by “pure and noble,” I don’t just mean big flashy hero moments—it judges everything, right down to your daily behavior and manners.

Slip up even once, and bam—the armor suddenly weighs a ton.

Oh, and get this:

Even burping after a meal? Disqualified.

Need to go to the bathroom? You’d better do it with elegance.

You literally have to combo “sound-blocking magic” with “floral scent magic” just to keep the armor from going full-on tantrum mode.

…Come on!

Even heroes need to poop and fart sometimes!!

Ah—no no, calm down, Haruya.

Dignity. Dignity.

“Amazing, isn’t it? The potential of humanity.”

“Kukuku… Potential, you say…”

There it is—that smug, scheming face again.

Honestly, I’d love to smack him into next week.

But no matter how evil the guy is, I was taught that heroes shouldn’t resort to violence without a reason.

“What’s so funny, Demon King?”

“To think… a man with a face so beautiful, a body so elegant he’s called the ‘flower incarnate’… is being judged by the same standards as the rest of us mere mortals. Surely not everyone finds that amusing.”

“I don’t see the problem. People can become whoever they want to be—even their most ideal self.”

You think this flawless face came for free?

The heroic looks.

The perfect skin.

The dazzling, camera-ready smile.

You’ve got no idea how much effort I had to put in—

All because of my so-called allies and everyone else constantly watching me.

Greasy food? Off the table.

Too much salt? Absolutely not.

Alcohol? A big, fat no.

I’m a blue-collar hero, you know!?

A frontline fighter!!

Oil! Salt! Oil! Salt!

Do you even know how much I craved those?!

And everyone kept repeating the same line:

“Be a hero people will talk about for centuries!”

Yeah? Try living under that kind of pressure, Mr. Demon King!

Ah—no, no. Get a grip.

Steady heart. Heroic mindset. Deep breaths…

I forced out my usual sparkle-filled aura of righteousness, and right on cue, Chronova let out a low, rumbling laugh.

“Kukuku… And yet, in the end, the only one who reached me… was you. You stand here alone, Holy Hero Haruya Arden.”

“I only made it this far because I had my friends beside me.”

“Hmph. You were just being used by them.”

“Don’t you dare insult my precious comrades.”

When I answered with a sharp, unwavering glare, the Demon King’s face twisted in clear irritation.

“Just being used by them”…?

Buddy, if only it were that simple!!

The pressure to be a hero wasn’t just about my looks or manners—oh no.

Everywhere I went, people expected the same exact thing:

“A hero always reaches out to help.”

“A hero always saves those in need.”

“A hero does it for free—and looks cool doing it!”

Do you have any idea how many times people forced that glittering, perfect image onto me!?

Even earlier, my party was like:

“We’ll hold off the horde of monsters. You go ahead, Hero!”

Sounds noble, right?

Yeah, well—let’s be real. That totally cut off my way back too!!

They knew it was a one-way trip!

Ah—no, no! Bad thoughts, Haruya! Stop spiraling!

Trust your teammates! Have faith!!

I took a deep breath, steadied my heart, and pointed my sword forward.

“It’s time to end this, Demon King Chronova.”

“…Kukuku…”

I stepped forward—graceful, steady, ready to finish the fight.

Chronova gave this weird little smirk, but it didn’t matter.

His magic was nearly drained.

He was out of tricks.

So, as the Holy Hero, I lifted my sword with solemn dignity and brought it down in one final, righteous strike.

A heavy thud pulsed through my arms.

No doubt about it—it hit.

…It’s over.

I’m finally free from this “hero” nonsense…

…Probably not, huh.

There’s always some post-battle cleanup, isn’t there?

“Hm?”

Suddenly, the Dark Temple started shaking.

Hard.

The tremors rumbled through the stone floor, rattling my feet—and as I stood frozen in confusion, the Demon King—still collapsed on the ground—let out a strained voice.

“T-This temple… it’s going to collapse… soon…”

“What!?”

“I… I bound my soul to this temple… kuku… That means… you die here with me…!”

Even on death’s door, the Demon King wore that smug grin—like he’d just pulled off the ultimate gotcha.

Chunks of rubble were already crashing down around us.

Damn it!

I seriously screwed up—right at the finish line!!

Should I try to run?

…No good.

I could already hear landslides rumbling in the distance.

Forget just the temple—this whole damn region was about to come crashing down.

My face nearly twisted in panic but there was no way I’d let that bastard see me lose my cool.

So I kept it steady, like I wasn’t even fazed.

“…Y-You’re not going to run, Hero?”

“I’ll stay right here. Gotta make sure you actually die this time.”

“…Don’t you want to return… to your friends… to your homeland?”

“The moment I stepped into this temple, I knew there was no going back.”

(That was a lie. A big, fat lie.)

Of course I planned on going home!

I wanted to live, okay!?

I had my whole life ahead of me!

I’m still young! I wanna eat meat! Sleep in a fluffy bed! Flirt a little!!

Ughhh… If this is really how it ends, then I’m damn well gonna go out looking like a textbook hero!!

The Demon King must’ve felt the emotional loss too, because he let out one seriously bitter groan.

“You truly are an infuriating man…”

“I am Haruya Arden, the Holy Hero. I simply choose what’s right.”

“…Y-You have no regrets?”

“None at all.”

Yeah.

I’ve got regrets.

Tons of ’em.

It’s not just stuff I wanted to do—there were things I really, really wanted to do.

But nope.

I had to be the picture-perfect hero.

Pure. Righteous. Squeaky clean.

Always acting the way everyone expected their ideal “Holy Hero” to act.

And because of that…

I couldn’t do any of the fun stuff.

Now that I’m staring death in the face, maybe it’s just my survival instincts going haywire.

Or maybe… facing the end just strips your soul bare.

But whatever the reason, I’ll just come right out and say it:

I don’t wanna die a virginnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!

I was all set to snap back at the Demon King like, 

“What about you? Got any last regrets, huh?”

But…

 “…”

He didn’t say a word.

He’d already gone completely still—like a lifeless corpse.

Another chunk of rubble smashed down from above with a thunderous BOOM, burying him entirely.

And just like that…

The great evil that once tried to blanket the world in darkness was gone.

Snuffed out in an instant.

And now…

It was my turn to follow.

“…Damn it.”

I dropped my sword and just flopped down right there on the spot.

Man…

I really wanted to do it.

I wanted to try some survival tactics with a cute girl or two…

I had chances, you know?

As the Holy Hero, I was super popular.

But all those princesses and noble ladies had this scary gleam in their eyes—like they were ready to trap me into their royal bloodlines. Absolutely terrifying.

And brothels?

Forget it.

My party kept me on such a tight leash, I couldn’t even step near one.

A proper, righteous, well-mannered hero.

A holy hero.

The flawless role model everyone expected me to be.

And because of that…

I never even got to lose my virginity.

Damn it…

Even heroes need to take a dump and let one rip sometimes!

Even heroes wanna have a little no-strings-attached, totally irresponsible sex every now and then!

BOOM. BOOM.

Chunks of ceiling kept crashing down.

The ground was growling louder by the second.

That landslide was closing in fast.

Yep…

This really was the end of my life.

No fanfare.

No last words from friends.

Just me—no longer a “hero,”

Just some random guy who used to be an adventurer.

So I whispered one last wish to the heavens:

“I just wanted to build a harem… and spend my days shamelessly shaking my hips!”