Chapter 22 – My Precious Scumbag

The stolen vegetable cart came to a screeching halt.

We were in a sun-dappled clearing just off the main road. Tall oaks and pines formed a natural arena around us. Siegfried stood beside his panting warhorse, his path blocked by a fallen log. He was cornered. He gripped his sword, his knuckles white, but his face held a sneer of pure arrogance.

“So, the little saints have come to pass judgment?”

Kenji was the first out of the cart, his own sword drawn in a single, fluid motion. It practically hummed with heroic energy. Daisuke landed on the ground with a heavy thud that seemed to shake the dirt. He cracked his massive knuckles, the sound like rocks grinding together. Reina slipped out silently, her hand already resting on the hilt of her dagger, her eyes locked on Siegfried with the intensity of a predator.

I, on the other hand, sort of fell out of the cart. I landed in a clumsy heap, my main goal being to stay as far away from the action as possible. My heart hammered against my ribs. This was it. The confrontation. But I felt no excitement. Only a cold, creeping dread. They couldn’t kill him. They absolutely could not kill him. Siegfried was my one-way ticket to a glorious betrayal arc. He was a non-renewable resource.

“Give back the Aethelgard fragment, Siegfried!”

Kenji’s voice boomed with righteous fury. He sounded like the main character in a low-budget anime dub.

“Give it back? I think not.”

Siegfried laughed, a short, ugly bark.

“This is the key to my immortality. Your pathetic mayor was too stupid to see its value. I, on the other hand, am a visionary.”

He was a scumbag. A perfect, unrepentant, grade-A scumbag. He was everything I ever wanted in a villain. And my friends were about to murder him.

“Your vision ends here.”

And then, Kenji charged.

Kenji’s sword met Siegfried’s shield with a deafening clang that sent birds scattering from the trees. The battle was on. It was a beautiful, terrifying, and utterly one-sided disaster.

“For Olvido!”

Siegfried was good. I had to give him that. He was a professional. Every move was efficient. He parried Kenji’s first swing with his shield, using the momentum to spin away. He dodged a follow-up slash that was aimed for his legs. His footwork was clean and precise. He was an experienced fighter who knew how to handle himself.

Against a normal opponent, he would have won in seconds.

But Kenji wasn’t a normal opponent. He was a golden-boy hero with cheat-level stats. Kenji’s next swing wasn’t just a piece of metal. It was a wave of pure, concentrated holy light. Siegfried barely got his shield up in time. The impact sent him stumbling back three full steps, his boots digging trenches in the soft earth. The air crackled with leftover energy.

While this was happening, I executed my own brilliant tactical maneuver. I yelped loudly, tripped over a completely imaginary root, and scrambled on all fours to get behind the thickest oak tree I could find. My stage was set. I was now the weak, terrified party member in need of protection.

The role felt disgustingly natural.

From my hiding spot, I watched the carnage unfold. Daisuke had moved to Siegfried’s flank, cutting off his escape route to his horse. Every time Siegfried tried to disengage from Kenji, Daisuke would stomp his foot. The ground would literally shake, throwing Siegfried off balance and leaving him open for another one of Kenji’s holy bulldozing attacks.

It was less of a sword fight and more of a demolition.

A pinecone, dislodged by the vibrations, fell from a branch above me. Before it could even get close, there was a flash of silver. Reina’s dagger appeared in her hand, sliced the pinecone neatly in half, and vanished back into its sheath. She hadn’t even looked up. Her eyes were locked on the battle, her entire body tense, ready to intercept any threat to me. Any threat at all. Even from gravity.

This was insane.

Siegfried was sweating now, his arrogant sneer replaced by a grimace of desperation. He lunged, trying to get past Kenji with a feint. Kenji didn’t even bother to dodge. He just swatted the attack away like it was a fly. The force of the parry sent Siegfried’s sword spinning out of his hand. It landed in a bush twenty feet away.

He was disarmed.

My blood ran cold.

Siegfried fell to his knees, panting, his shield the only thing left to him. Kenji stood over him, his sword pointed at Siegfried’s throat, glowing with that sickeningly pure light.

“It’s over.”

This was it. The moment of truth. Kenji was about to end my story before it even began. He was about to kill my precious scumbag.

But it wasn’t Kenji’s judgment to give. It was Reina’s.

Reina stepped forward, her movements unnervingly calm. She pushed Kenji’s sword aside with the back of her hand. Her eyes were empty. Cold. She looked down at the defeated man on the ground, a predator who had finally cornered her prey. She drew her dagger slowly, the metallic rasp echoing in the suddenly silent clearing.

“You threatened Ryuuji-kun. You forfeit your life.”

No. Nonononono.

My mind went blank with sheer panic. My entire, meticulously crafted future was about to be extinguished by a psycho-fangirl with a pointy knife. All my suffering. All my planning. All for nothing. I couldn’t let her do it. He was the only person in this entire world corrupt enough to actually betray me properly.

Fueled by a surge of pure, selfish desperation, I scrambled out from behind my tree.

My legs pumped. My lungs burned. I ran faster than I ever had in my life. Kenji and Daisuke just stared, their mouths hanging open in shock.

Reina’s arm was already descending, the dagger a silver teardrop aimed directly at Siegfried’s heart.

I threw myself forward.

I slid the last few feet on the dirt and leaves, positioning my own body directly between Reina’s dagger and my villain. Her arm froze. The tip of the blade stopped less than an inch from my chest. I could feel the cold radiating from it.

Her eyes were wide with a universe of confusion and horror. Why would I, the person she was avenging, protect this piece of filth? Her entire world was short-circuiting.

I looked up at her, composing my face into the most earnest, pained, and heroic expression I could manage. It was time for the performance of a lifetime. I dredged up every heroic speech I had ever read in every manga.

“Reina-san, don’t.”

My voice was shaky. Perfect.

“Don’t become a murderer. Everyone deserves forgiveness.”

As the words left my mouth, my brain was screaming a completely different script. Don’t you dare die on me, you magnificent bastard! I need you! You are the chosen one! The one who will cast me into the abyss so I can climb back out, all cool and covered in scars and darkness!

I risked a glance at Siegfried. He was staring at me, his face a mask of utter disbelief.

I turned my attention back to my would-be executioner.

“If we kill him, we become like him. We have to be better. We have to choose mercy.”

The noble garbage just poured out of me. It was disgusting. It was beautiful.

Kenji was literally crying. Actual tears were streaming down his face as he watched, his chest swelling with pride at my infinite, Christ-like compassion. Daisuke just grunted, looking back and forth between me and Reina, his simple brain clearly overloaded.

Reina’s arm trembled. Her devotion to me was at war with her desire to murder for me. It was a battle of epic proportions, fought in the space of a few silent, agonizing seconds. Slowly, agonizingly, her loyalty won out. Her arm lowered. The dagger disappeared back into its sheath.

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.

My villain was safe.