Chapter 4: There’s No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Even for April, the mornings were still a little chilly.

I wish it were warmer, but I don’t want it to be hot, either.

A long, wrapped object was slung across Shion’s back as he entertained such convenient thoughts on his way to school.

(I can’t believe I actually got it…)

That’s right—it was the spear Shiho Kuroda had used.

Goes to show what you can get by asking.

The adventurer’s academy had a robust support system for student deaths. The school-sponsored joint funeral, for example, was far cheaper than a normal service. The four students who had been with Shion that day were all part of that joint funeral, and the wake and service had been held over the weekend. On that occasion, while offering his condolences to the bereaved family, Shion had the nerve to ask for the spear. He laid on the flowery compliments thick… and it worked like a charm. Kuroda’s parents, in tears, handed over the spear, telling him to do his best for their daughter’s sake as well.

(Well, this should strengthen my support magic, even if it’s just a little.)

That said, it wasn’t as if a power rated as lower-C was going to jump to B. At best, it felt like it had climbed to mid-C.

Hey, in that case, don’t you think you can get rid of that book now?

That’s right. Shion still had the book attached to his hip. It wasn’t for any sentimental reason; it was purely out of anxiety.

(Idiot. The spear might be a superior catalyst, but it’s bulky. If it comes down to it, I plan on ditching it. That’s when this thing comes in handy as a backup. Do you understand?)

Although, it was hard to imagine a situation where Shion would be able to escape after abandoning his spear…

Well, the boy himself was shortsighted and quick to drown in optimism, so he hadn’t noticed. Or rather, this pitiful creature was probably only capable of thinking about what was convenient for him.

Hmm… I see. By the way, why are we out so early?

(Huh?)

I mean, according to that schedule you were looking at, classes don’t start for a while, right?

(Oh… right. It’s because of this thing.)

He lightly nudged the spear on his back.

Like any adventurer, it’s not as if he carried his weapon around at all times. Out of consideration for the general public, openly carrying a weapon is a breach of etiquette. It was common practice to have a summoning and dismissal sigil carved onto a part of the body—usually the back of the hand—and synchronize it with the weapon.

(There’s a spell that lets you summon and store your weapon anytime. I’m going to get that applied.)

A private contractor could do it, but it was cheaper to use the school’s facilities.

(Hm…? Hey, what are they doing here at this hour?)

As he came within sight of the school gate, Shion spotted a figure standing beside it. The figure had already noticed him and was giving a little wave.

“Morning. You’re early, Harukaze-kun.”

The figure was his homeroom teacher, Zaou Yakushiji—also known as Yakuza.

A broom was leaning against the wall. Was he cleaning?

“Good morning, sensei. You’re here early, too.”

“Indeed. I’ve made it my daily routine to sweep the school gate since my student days.”

“? Your student days… (Besides, a guy with a face like yours doesn’t suit cleaning.)”

“Ah, did I not mention it? I graduated from here as well. I was a real handful back in the day.”

He was forced to clean from the crack of dawn every time he caused trouble.

As he said this, Yakuza smiled sheepishly, and despite his intimidating appearance, there was something charming about him.

“I kept it up as a volunteer even when I was working as an adventurer.”

“And now that you’re a teacher, you can’t stop. (What a weirdo. I’d never do that.)”

“Yes. I gained a great deal from this school… This is my way of giving back, I suppose.”

Suddenly, Yakuza’s gaze fell on the spear on Shion’s back.

“Is that?”

“…It’s Kuroda’s. Her family entrusted it to me. I’ve decided to use it as a catalyst for my magic.”

“I see. So that’s why you’re here so early.”

As expected of a veteran, he immediately grasped Shion’s reasoning.

“Yes, I figured if I came early, I could get it done before classes start.”

“A fine idea. It’s cheaper to use the school’s facilities.”

“Right? I know I might seem stingy, but with no parents, I have to be careful with money.”

“Stingy is the wrong word. Frugality is a virtue.”

Many adventurers lose their way because of money. There were countless examples of people getting a big haul and letting it go to their heads. That was likely his way of saying to be careful from the outset.

Of course, Shion’s reasons weren’t so noble; he simply hated spending money.

“I see… Well, I’ll be on my way.”

“Right. We’re also announcing the parties today. You should look forward to it.”

It was the kind of sinister grin you could almost hear, but Shion didn’t notice. Proof that his everyday awareness was lacking. It seemed that Shion Harukaze was the type of person whose brain only started working when things got dangerous—a truly average man.

“Alright, I’d like to get this taken care of, please.”

After handing over the spear and the fee at the school store, Shion headed straight for the classroom. Not that he had anything to do, but since he’d arrived early, there was nothing for it.

“――Oh my, good morning, Harukaze-kun.”

There was already someone else in the classroom. And it was Sotomichi Tenma, the one person Shion truly wanted nothing to do with. As always, he wore a sly grin that radiated danger.

“…Sotomichi. Morning.”

“Hee hee, aren’t you being cold? Did I do something to you?”

Shion bit back the urge to scream that his very existence was a menace and formed a reply.

“Frankly, I want nothing to do with you.”

“Hm? And why is that?”

A hint of curiosity flickered in Tenma’s eyes.

“No decent person would want to get close to someone like you. You invite ruin.”

“――Heeh.”

“You’re the type to drag others into your vortex of destruction and walk away unscathed.”

“Your proof?”

“My gut feeling. As an adventurer, you have to value that sixth sense.”

“A most excellent point!”

“So you’re aware of it.”

“Well, to some extent.”

Tenma gave a wry smile. He must have had his own thoughts on the matter.

“Then maybe we can get along.”

“My, taking back what you said?”

“It’s one thing if you’re unrepentant… but it seems you’re not. In that case, maybe there’s something I can do, too.”

“Haha, you’re a good person. Yes, I’d like to get along with you, too. And so――”

The two had been on opposite ends of the classroom, but Tenma’s form vanished and reappeared right in front of Shion. Tenma’s features were so fine you could call him a beautiful girl, but that only made him scarier. He was the very embodiment of the phrase “a beautiful rose has its thorns.”

“As a token of our new friendship.”

He held out a sweet roll called a “Giga Melon Bread.”

Unable to discern his true motive, Shion looked at Tenma with a suspicious expression and asked.

“…What is this?”

“Like I said, a token of friendship. Sugar is an absolute necessity for me, so I thought I’d offer this as the ultimate proof of my goodwill. Giga Melons are delicious, you know.”

Shion, though his face was a mask of doubt, accepted the melon bread from Tenma.

You’re actually taking it!?

*(Well, he offered it to me…)

Shion’s policy was to accept anything he was given, so long as it didn’t bring him illness or disadvantage. Of course, there was the saying “there’s no such thing as a free lunch,” but that seemed to have slipped his mind.

“That one costs twenty thousand yen. It’s delicious.”

The dangerous smile had, at some point, been replaced by a joyful one. It seemed he wasn’t lying about his love for sweets. But more importantly…

“T-Twenty thousand!? For a single roll… a-are you an idiot!”

The price of twenty thousand cracked Shion’s iron mask. A money-grubber like him wouldn’t even dream of buying a 20,000-yen pastry. If Tenma hadn’t given it to him, it was a delicacy he would have gone his entire life without tasting.

“It’s made with juice from the world’s sweetest melon and hand-baked by a first-class baker.”

“…Where do you even buy something like that?”

“Hm, I have some connections. It’s through them. Here, try it.”

He opened the bag, and a refined sweetness tickled his nose. It was enough to stir the appetite of Shion, who had already eaten breakfast.

“Gah…! D-Delicious… I’ve never had melon bread like this…”

“Right? It’s sweet, super sweet, but it’s not unpleasant, is it?”

“Y-Yeah… It’s almost too sweet, but it’s not off-putting.”

It was a strange flavor. Unless you had a serious sweet tooth, a cloyingly sweet food would become tiresome after a bite or two. Shion was neutral about sweets, his palate being that of a normal person. Thus, he wouldn’t normally seek out something so sugary, but this was in a league of its own. The mysterious sweetness was one thing, but the contrast between the crispy outside and the fluffy, chewy inside was irresistible. One bite led to another; it was so delicious he felt he could eat it endlessly. Shion’s pauper’s palate, accustomed to skimping on food, was instantly captivated by the melon bread.

“Haha, I’m glad you like it. I have some other pastries from the same shop. Care to join me?”

“…Yeah, I’ll join you. (If I can get free, delicious food, I can overlook a few other things.)”

You’re pretty cheap, getting won over by a single piece of food.

To be told this even by the snake—his simplicity was truly hopeless.

“Personally, I don’t really care for anything but sweets… but even I can’t pass up this ham and cheese croissant. It’s a masterpiece.”

Tenma, chattering away with a happy, beaming smile, looked his age. The dangerous aura Shion had sensed was completely gone. But conversely, it was this two-faced nature that was so terrifying.

“Then I shall have some.”

But Shion, oblivious to such things, continued to stuff his face with pastries. The two of them fell into breakfast and conversation as time passed. By the time they finished eating and the conversation died down, it was just before homeroom was scheduled to begin.

“Hmph, have I kept you waiting? Let’s skip the tedious greetings and get to the main point. The announcement of the party members you’ve all been wondering about. I will now read out the names. As you are called, please fill in the seats from the far left.”

Yakuza, having entered the classroom, cut straight to the chase.

“Once you’ve gathered, move your desks so you can have a discussion. Now for the announcement.”

gulp

A sound came from Shion’s throat. Despite the bread, he wanted nothing to do with Tenma. He offered a prayer in his heart, but…

“Rudolph von Sinnemann, Shiori Daigo, Masuya Mai, Shion Harukaze――”

*(That pretentious blonde and the cursed Japanese doll… but, this should be fine――)

“Sotomichi Tenma! That’s all five of you. Move your seats, quickly.”

*(SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!)

Of course. With that much foreshadowing, there was no way it wouldn’t happen. Shion let out a silent scream behind his iron mask, but it was the inevitable outcome.

“Hmph… So we are together, my compatriot. I look forward to working with you, my friend.”

“…Yeah, you too. (This is the worst… the start of a dark year…)”

“Hee hee, I’m so pleased to be with you all.”

Rudolph and Shiori were smiling cheerfully, but Shion was in no state to care.

“Oh wow, looks like you guys are already friendly. Is it just me and Sotomichi-kun?”

A girl with a bob cut and charming, round eyes tilted her head, but…

“No, I don’t know Rudolph-kun or Daigo-san very well either, but Harukaze-kun and I are good friends.”

*(I don’t remember becoming friends! With any of you!)

Shion didn’t recall becoming friends with anyone. The emotional chasm between them was vast.

You took his food.

*(That’s that, and this is this.)

You also said you might be able to get along.

*(That was obviously just lip service!)

Everything that came out of Shion’s mouth was a lie.

“Well then, how about this? Should we not, perhaps, introduce ourselves once more?”

Yakuza’s announcements were still ongoing, but they no longer concerned the members of this party. Rudolph’s suggestion wasn’t particularly strange, and everyone agreed. Well, Shion just went along with the group; internally, he was still grumbling.

“But we’ve already heard about our goals and stuff, so maybe just our positions are fine?”

“I agree. In that case, I, Shiori Daigo, will take the vanguard.”

“Likewise, I too shall be in the vanguard.”

“Vanguard for me as well. Which puts Masuya-san and Harukaze-kun in the rearguard. No one in the middle, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem.”

It was a fairly orthodox formation. Plus, Rudolph and Shiori could also fight in the mid-rank, so the balance wasn’t bad.

“Sounds about right. I’ll be using healing magic, so I won’t be getting in Harukaze-kun’s way.”

“…Well, the teachers made the teams, so that’s to be expected. If we had the same role, I would’ve been useless.”

“Ahaha, so humble. But that’s not where ‘Shoelace Shion’ truly shines, is it?”

He almost choked on the unfamiliar nickname that came out of nowhere.

*(W-What is that… Is it that? From my self-introduction…?)

Having acquired an embarrassing nickname, Shion’s depression accelerated, pedal to the metal.

“Alright, everyone is in their designated spots. First, let me say this: all classes written on today’s schedule are hereby canceled.”

A murmur went through the classroom at Yakuza’s words.

“Instead, you will fight each other, six parties in total. The matchups will be announced before lunch.”

He continued on, giving no time for questions.

“Until then, you are free to discuss amongst yourselves. Furthermore, I will not be taking any questions. That is all.”

And with that, Yakuza left the classroom.

“Hmm… so rather than diving into a real situation unprepared, the goal is to test party dynamics through sparring, and also to foster friendly competition by letting us experience our classmates’ abilities firsthand, is that it?”

Shiori and Mai nodded at Rudolph’s words. Shion didn’t nod, simply because he hadn’t considered such an intention. And Tenma… he seemed to have another idea.

“In that case, while I have no intention of losing… the priority should be on coordination and gauging the other parties’ strength.”

Maybe this will be a bit more relaxed, then? Shion thought, but either way was fine with him. He would just be watching from the back; the ones who’d get hurt were the three vanguards.

“You’re right. Oh, and I should say this first, but my healing magic’s strong enough to fully regenerate someone even if their heart gets pierced, as long as it’s within a minute…”

“Hoh, that is impressive.”

“But you need to remember that I have to be touching them for it to work.”

“I see. That is certainly a drawback… but it’s unlikely we’ll face such a situation this time.”

“I should think not. The opponents will come at us seriously, but they will stop short of a fatal blow, as shall I.”

The conversation was flowing nicely. There were other parties in the classroom, but they paid them no mind. Every party was discussing things without thinking too deeply. That said, none of them were discussing specific battle tactics.

(Should be fine to just leave it to these guys and half-ass it, right?) Sorry, I need to go shoot a pheasant.

Why did I say that so politely?

“What, is hunting a hobby of yours?”

“Rudolph, ‘shooting a pheasant’ is a euphemism for going to the lavatory—the toilet.”

“Even so, it’s probably hard for a foreigner to get.”

“Ooh… What a curious turn of phrase. I see. Go on, then.”

As Rudolph and the others twitched their cheeks, Shion left the classroom.

“Still, I’m glad they’re doing something like this on the first day. It’s much better than sitting through lectures.”

Tenma cast a fed-up look at the group, who had resumed their cheerful conversation.

“――Ha. What a bunch of happy-go-lucky fools. I can see why Harukaze-kun stepped out.”

“…What was that?”

Tenma’s words, thick with scorn, made the others’ faces harden. Not that he cared in the slightest.

“The only ones who understand the intent are probably me, Harukaze-kun, and… her, I suppose?”

Tenma’s gaze shifted to Aileen Hearn, who sat at the edge of the classroom, eyes closed and perfectly still.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. If you don’t get it, that’s fine.”

“Hey, wait. Where are you going?”

Tenma suddenly stood up from his seat.

“To find Harukaze-kun. I’m going to have a little chat.”

And with that, Tenma left the classroom, completely ignoring Rudolph and the others, who looked like they wanted to say something.

“…”

Arriving in front of the restroom, Tenma leaned against the wall to wait for Shion, a creepy, dangerous grin plastered on his face…

“――Hm, what’s up, Sotomichi? (Why is he standing in front of the bathroom? So gross.)”

Shion, coming out of the restroom, did a double-take at the sight of Tenma lying in wait.

“In our party, you and I are the only ones who actually intend to win. So what’s the plan? You have one, right?”

*(Huh? What is this guy talking about… The mood was totally to just half-ass this, wasn’t it?)

It was no wonder Shion’s face soured at Tenma, who had said something so completely tone-deaf.

“You seem to have something in mind, don’t you?”

Misinterpreting the grimace, Tenma seemed to think Shion had a plan.

No, seriously, this guy hasn’t thought of a thing.

(This damn kid can’t read the room… We were just gonna phone it in, what’s the big deal?) Well, I have an idea.

Feeling irritated, Shion voiced a plan that was by no means something you’d suggest to a teammate.

“Can you afford to lose both your arms?”

“――Heeh!”

A face of pure, unadulterated joy. Looking at Tenma, who embodied that very phrase, made Shion’s head spin. He fought back the dizziness and continued.

“You’ll tie up three of them. By yourself. The other two vanguards will wait until you create an opening. The specific plan is for you to take on the enemy’s three vanguards, or three from their front and middle ranks. They’ll probably be planning to pull their punches. But we’ll subvert their expectations. You’ll lead two of the three into a position where they can land a ‘fatal’ blow, and then you’ll sacrifice one arm for each to stop them. You’ll strike in the gap in their thinking, the part of them that says ‘There’s no way he’d do that in a match like this.'”

The momentary opening created by this would be exploited by the two waiting vanguards to neutralize the targets. Shion’s plan might have been effective, but it wasn’t something to be used in a situation like this.

“After the opening is made, you, Rudolph, and Shiori will take them down individually. Speed is what’s required.”

He won’t do it. There’s no reason to do it.

It was a plan laced with the scornful challenge of, “I dare you.”

“――Incredible. That’ll wake up those sleepy-headed fools and lead into the next stage.”

Tenma’s cheeks flushed as he nodded in agreement with Shion’s plan. Why did looking at those apple-red cheeks create an overwhelming urge to poke them?

“You know, I’m really glad I ended up in the same party as you. Because――”

Before he could finish, Shion’s stomach let out a magnificent rumble.

“Oh? Did I make you uncomfortable? S-Sorry, okay? You can take your time.”

“? O-Oh… (What is he talking about?)”

“I’ll explain things to the others. Well then, take care!”

Spouting nonsense, Tenma walked away. Shion looked confused for a moment before remembering his stomachache and returning to the restroom.

“…That chicken from last night must have been bad…!”

You look like hell.

In the end, he was holed up in there for another two hours, finally emerging just before eleven. The matchups had already been announced, and the time for battle was about to begin.

*(Ugh… I think my stomach has finally settled…)

Shion collected his spear from the store and reluctantly went out to the grounds, where the other members were already prepared.

“Hey, Harukaze-kun. Let’s proceed as planned. Though, I suppose your part is already over.”

Shion gave a half-hearted reply to Tenma’s words and glanced at the opposing party. They looked exactly as you’d expect. A standard party of three vanguards and two rearguards. The vanguards were equipped with the classic loadout: one unarmed, one with a longsword, and one with a dagger.

“Harukaze Squad, Kajiwara Squad, forward!!”

At Yakuza’s command, the two parties leaped onto the field.

“Alright, as we discussed, you guys don’t move until there’s an opening.”

Shion stared, shocked, as Tenma walked out onto the field alone. Was he really going through with it?

“…Sotomichi, you need any tricks? (Seriously…? This guy is bad news. If this goes wrong, is it my fault?)”

“Oh, you worry too much? Still, I appreciate it. Yes, please.”

Starting to get genuinely scared, Shion immediately began chanting a support spell. The target was, of course—not Tenma.

“I see. So that’s the plan. Time it effectively for me.”

Tenma immediately grasped Shion’s intent and, without looking back, kicked off the ground hard. In the center of the grounds, the battle of Tenma versus the three enemy vanguards began.

“…Shion, I must ask you. What does Sotomichi intend to do?”

(Huh? He didn’t explain it? I mean, it’d be a problem if he had, but still!) …You’ll see if you watch.

He wanted to avoid having his reputation drop for being brutally honest. But if things continued like this, that moment would come, and his own reputation as the plan’s creator would fall. Shion watched the battlefield with a sense of gloom, but his expression remained its usual calm mask. His poker face was truly master-class.

“Yo! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”

“Haha, like I’d be honest enough to tell you. Come on, let’s just enjoy this.”

He ducked under a longsword that swept over his head and went for the dagger user’s legs. But the unarmed fighter didn’t miss the opening created by his attack. A fist came crashing down from above that looked like it could punch a hole through steel plate. Tenma rolled to evade it and immediately regained his footing.

“It’s three-on-one, but they’re also wary of us not moving. So he’s managing to hold his own, but how does he plan to turn this around?”

The only one who could answer Shiori’s muttered observation was the one in the thick of it.

“! Now.”

The unarmed man’s axe kick shattered the ground. Seeing the cloud of dust and hearing the roar, Shion cast his support spell.

“Whoa!? W-What the hell, he suddenly got faster! Was he faking us out!?”

The three, including the dagger user, were surprised, and their rhythm was slightly thrown off. This was Shion’s plan—or rather, his little trick. First, he would make them believe Tenma had already been buffed, making them mistake his current movements for his maximum speed. Then, when their attention was completely focused on Tenma, he would cast the real support spell. The goal was to disrupt their rhythm.

“No, that’s not it, it’s support magic! I see… that first one was a feint!!”

It wasn’t possible to just pretend to use a spell, as it would give off a mana signature. That’s why Shion had cast the first support spell on himself.

*(It didn’t work!!)

Their rhythm was disrupted for a moment, but they recovered almost immediately. It wasn’t enough to seize victory.

“This is the end!!”

From Tenma’s right, the blade of a longsword headed for his neck, while from the front, a dagger aimed for his heart. Of course, the enemy had no intention of killing him; they planned to pull their punches. But either way, the match would be over—or so it should have been.

“――That’s what I was waiting for. Me and Harukaze-kun.”

He deliberately impaled his left hand on the dagger, then swung it to the side, sending his own hand flying. He placed his right arm as a cushion between the blade and his neck, inducing a slight delay.

Fresh blood sprayed, and both hands flew through the air.

“Hah!!”

His left hand was gone from the wrist down, and his right arm was gone from the elbow down. But Tenma kept moving without a care. As the three opponents stood frozen by the abnormal situation of a man sacrificing his own arms, he slammed a powerful roundhouse kick into the face of one of them—the dagger user.

“Is he insane!?”

The remaining two tried to stop Tenma, unable to hide their shock, but…

“…What in the world is going on!!”

“We must get to the bottom of this later!”

Rudolph and Shiori, who had already charged forward, easily took down the two stunned opponents who had lost their usual composure. With only the rearguard left, victory naturally went to Shion’s team, but the other students who had been watching the fight couldn’t hide their shock, and murmurs erupted everywhere.

“Phew… well then, let me say it again. You guys are――what a bunch of morons!!”

Tenma went to the center of the grounds and screamed. His words were directed at all his classmates.

“Testing party dynamics with sparring before a real fight? Fostering competition by feeling your classmates’ strength? How ridiculously naive can you be!! We adventurers have to keep winning, always!”

They delve into places where common sense doesn’t apply and expose themselves to monsters beyond human comprehension. The only thing demanded of such adventurers is victory. And that doesn’t just mean defeating enemies or clearing dungeons. If you can defeat the enemy, you do. If you can clear the dungeon, you do. If you can’t, you run away and survive—that is the victory required of an adventurer. And to achieve it, you have to be willing to do anything.

“Yakuza-sensei told us to ‘fight.’ What is a fight to us adventurers!?”

Shame began to creep onto the faces of his classmates at Tenma’s roar.

“Get serious! Isn’t that the most important quality for an adventurer? Sparring, pulling punches, stop with this lukewarm crap. Besides, you talk about checking your teamwork, but it’s not like you can always do that on a real mission.”

They were being tested on their willingness to go all out for victory, even in unexpected situations.

“So, are you awake now? Think of this battle as a wake-up call from me and Harukaze-kun.”

Don’t show me any more half-asleep fights, Tenma sneered. On the surface, he looked like a model student lecturing on the proper mindset for an adventurer, but the reality was different. Tenma was fundamentally a hedonist. By riling them up like this, he was just lighting a fire under his classmates so they’d be able to perform at their full potential when it was time to fight. Because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself.

“We members of Class A are supposedly considered pros even as we are now. Don’t disappoint me.”

The grounds fell silent. Tenma, indifferent to others’ reactions, returned to Shion’s group as if he’d said all he needed to say.

“…Your arms. Can’t you get them reattached now? (This is bad, this is bad, what is with this guy…! He’s dangerous!)”

Though he was recoiling in disgust, Shion hadn’t expected him to actually go through with that stupid plan. Thus, out of a sense of guilt, he offered a word of concern.

“No, it doesn’t matter.”

And why are Rudolph, Shiori, and Mai all looking down silently!? Say something! Shion thought, but he kept running his mouth.

“But even so――”

“Because this is proof, you see.”

A chill ran down his spine as he gazed lovingly at the severed ends of his arms.

“Proof?”

He had no idea what that meant.

“Yes――proof of my and Shion Harukaze’s first collaboration♪”

The direct hit of Tenma’s charming, melting smile made Shion feel sick to his stomach.