Chapter 3.2: The Pretentious Blondie and the Cursed Japanese Doll

As Shion was cursing them out in his head, he switched gears, thinking that what’s done is done.

This ability to quickly move on was arguably one of his few virtues.

“No, it’s fine. I never intended to get this cleaned or throw it away in the first place.”

“Hm? Why is that?”

Seeing their puzzled faces, Shion offered a lonely smile—a complete act, of course.

“It is a testament to my own weakness, and proof that a girl named Shiho Kuroda existed.”

He wasn’t her family, so he had no right to even a lock of her hair.

So, if nothing else, this uniform… The way he spoke, full of emotion, was a performance that would put a professional actor to shame.

Incidentally, he did have her necklace as a memento, but, well, that was stolen property, so it was in a different category.

“That’s why the long chat was actually perfect. I wanted to wear this for just a little longer.”

It’s a bit pathetic of me, he added, scratching his cheek. Who could possibly see that and think it was an act?

“…I see. In that case, I will say no more.”

“I apologize for not being more considerate of your feelings.”

“No, seriously, stop it with that stuff. It just makes things awkward for me, too.”

This was more than half his genuine feeling.

“So, let’s end this topic here. To change the subject, Shiori, are you a rear-guard like me?”

There was no harm in knowing about his opponents’—his allies’—abilities.

That was why, ignoring his personal feelings of like or dislike, Shion posed the question.

“Fufu, did I look like a delicate maiden to you?”

“?”

He held back the slight irritation he felt at her meaningful smile. Patience. Patience is important.

“I fight using this.”

Her slender fingers danced in the air, and something faintly began to take shape.

“Ho, is that… thread?”

“Yes. As you can see, it is thread. And as you can see, it can transform into a sword, a spear, or a shield.”

With every manipulation of her fingers, the threads bundled together, changing their form.

Was it just for show, with no actual hardness or sharpness? Not at all.

It could perfectly fulfill the roles of slashing, piercing, and defending.

“So I am a vanguard, same as Rudolf-san. It’s quite useful, you know? I can also use it to trip up monsters.”

“I see… They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, and it’s true.” (Strong women are a total turn-off.)

His ideal woman was someone whose looks were good, but not so good that they outshone him, and whose abilities were low.

The type who was just useless enough that he could look down on her to satisfy his own pride, and who would support her man by walking three paces behind him and never stepping on his shadow.

Shion’s preference was the kind of thing that could only exist in such a ridiculously complicated fantasy.

That was why no matter how beautiful she was, Shiori didn’t move him one bit.

“Yes, though you are exactly as you appear, Shion-san. Fufu, I don’t mean that in a bad way, you know?”

Her mischievous smile made Shion snap! He was definitely not getting enough calcium.

“Well, I’m going to head home now. It’s getting late.”

Lunchtime was long past. As expected, even Shion was starting to get hungry.

Time to hurry home, change, and grab some food… he thought, standing up, but—

“Wait a moment, Shion. Since we’re all here, let’s exchange contact information before we part ways. You have a cell phone, don’t you?”

“Oh, then I’d like to as well, please.”

“…Alright.” (Maybe I’ll post their numbers on some online message board.)

Figuring it would be weird to refuse, Shion reluctantly exchanged contact information.

He registered their names as “Pretentatious Blondie” and “Cursed Japanese Doll,” respectively.

They were truly awful contact names, which he would of course never let them see for the rest of his life.

Hey, yo, Shion.

(What is it?)

On the way home, as he was passing through the shopping arcade on the way to his apartment, Kasu spoke to him.

I mean, somethin’ smells amazing. Let’s grab a bite to eat. I’m starvin’ over here.

(Didn’t you swallow three whole humans this morning? And can you even eat things?)

Did you forget? You and I are connected. In other words, I feel your hunger directly.

(Huh… Still, request denied. I don’t want to waste money eating out. I’ve got cup noodles at home.)

But it smells so good, y’know? Maybe that ‘kappu men’ thing is good too, but c’mon.

(Still denied. And sorry to get your hopes up, but cup noodles aren’t good.)

No matter how many centuries passed, they still had that cheap taste. That’s just what cup noodles were.

Sure, some instant noodles were on par with what you’d get in a restaurant, but those were all expensive.

What Shion bought were not the famous brands, but the cheap stuff sold at a wholesale supermarket.

Is that so? Well, I don’t know much about human food besides fruit, I guess.

(What even are you, anyway…?)

Who knows? I don’t even know myself. When I came to, I just… existed.

It sounded like he was telling the truth, but also like he wasn’t. Shion sensed this from Kasu’s words but decided to ignore it.

As long as it didn’t put him at a disadvantage, there was no need to press the issue. After all—

(By the way, my magic level went up… was that your doing?)

—he was certainly receiving some kind of benefit.

(You did say you’d give me power. It wasn’t a huge jump, though. You kind of oversold it, didn’t you?)

Originally, Shion’s support magic wasn’t even on par with C-Class.

But when he used it on the yakuza today, that was the result.

From his perspective, it had been quite a surprise.

Hmm… Maybe it’s ‘cause of the way we’re connected, or maybe it’s something a little different.

(Different?)

It means your power—your weapon—might not actually be support magic.

A malformed soul—just as he was about to say the words, the Kasu snake laughed to cover it up.

(???)

Eh, who cares about that stuff. Let’s just hurry home. I said I’m hungry, dammit.

(You’re one loud piece of crap, you know that?)

Hey, watch it! Is that any way to talk to the guy who gave you power?

(Shut up! Don’t you get all high and mighty when you’re just a parasite living in my body!)

While they were bickering, he passed through the shopping arcade and arrived at the apartment building where he lived.

It was a three-story building, neither old nor new, that could only be described as average, but Shion was particularly fond of it.

The rent was cheap, there was a wholesale supermarket nearby, and it wasn’t too far from school—it was a prime piece of real estate.

“I’m home… Not that anyone’s here.”

You don’t have parents?

“Yeah, they died a long time ago. They left me a pretty big inheritance, so I’m not struggling to get by or anything.”

If you were to ask if he had any love for his parents—he once had, but not anymore.

After all, they no longer existed in this world.

Although, if you were to ask if the love Shion once had for his parents was a proper kind of love, you’d have to tilt your head in doubt.

“~♪ Seafood and cup yakisoba it is.”

He filled a kettle with water, switched on the induction cooktop, and the water boiled in less than two minutes.

If anything, the time it took to wait after pouring the hot water into the cup yakisoba felt longer.

“See, the trick is to eat the rich-sauce yakisoba first.”

Hoh… I have no idea what you’re talking about.

“Figured. Oh, by the way, are our senses of taste connected?”

Yep. My sense of taste has probably synced up with yours. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said it smelled good earlier.

“Well, that makes sense. You’re a snake, after all.”

Aren’t snakes supposed to prefer warm-blooded animals?

The thought crossed his mind, but Shion immediately pushed it away so it wouldn’t ruin his meal.

He wasn’t the kind of weirdo who would ponder reptiles before eating.

By the way, what’re you gonna do with that necklace you stripped off the girl I slaughtered?

The Kasu snake, for its part, couldn’t help but be curious about the spear and the gemstone.

But it thought it shouldn’t let Shion know it was interested, so it feigned a casual air.

“Huh? I’ll sell it when the time is right. I’m planning to travel somewhere far during a long break or holiday and find a decent pawn shop.”

He finished draining the water, threw in the sauce and dried toppings, and mixed it all up in a flash!

Then he squeezed on a ridiculous amount of mayonnaise and sprinkled on a generous amount of shichimi pepper… This was the Shion-style of eating.

Mmm, this is good. This is delicious!

“Hmph… Good for you.”

Incidentally, he was still wearing his uniform.

There was something wrong with the nerves of a guy who could slurp down yakisoba while wearing a blood-soaked uniform.

“Oh…”

A meal consisting of nothing but conversation with a snake was just too barren. Thinking this, he turned on the TV and saw something interesting.

“Today, entrance ceremonies were held at adventurer schools all across the country. So this time, we thought we’d try a little project!”

The project’s content was incredibly simple.

It was a smaller-scale version of the official international adventurer rankings that were announced monthly.

A ranking of promising students in Japan. You had to wonder what was going on with their personal information.

Are they famous?

“Beats me. I mean, where are they even getting this info?”

It was true that some people dived into the Pits even before officially enrolling in school.

But even so, you couldn’t help but wonder how they managed to find all those people.

“Next up is Ms. Aileen Hearn from the Osaka-Sakai campus!”

Among the unfamiliar names, he spotted one he recognized and narrowed his eyes.

An acquaintance?

“Were you not listening? That Aileen girl is in our class.”

From the name, she was probably Irish.

Shion wondered why on earth she was in Osaka, but he figured she must have her reasons.

“Hmm… ‘Characterized by her outstanding spear-handling and indomitable spirit,’ huh. A lot of people use spears.”

Use a sword or a katana like in an RPG! Shion jeered. His own weapon was a book.

The girl who seriously wounded me used a spear, too.

“Would’ve been nice if she’d just killed you.”

He finished his yakisoba and immediately moved on to the seafood cup noodles he’d prepared in advance.

Three minutes hadn’t passed yet, but his preference was for the slightly firmer texture at two minutes and twenty seconds.

“Still, if you’re gonna feature them on TV, you could at least give out a little more information.”

It wasn’t like they were his enemies, but he wanted to know what he wanted to know.

It wasn’t out of some stance of gathering information as an adventurer; it was for the utterly stupid reason that his inner rubbernecker just couldn’t be silenced.

Mmm, this is good, too. Hey, Shion, let’s eat some more. I wanna try a different flavor this time.

“Huh? Well, I’m still hungry too, but don’t push your luck.”

Don’t be so cheap. C’mon, it’s to celebrate our meeting.

“You mean curse our meeting, you piece of crap.”

As they bickered, the ranking came to an end.

The person Shion was wary of was not among them, and he couldn’t hide his disappointment.

What’s wrong with you?

“They’re picking up all the promising rookies, but the one guy I was keeping an eye on wasn’t there.”

An image of a single person formed in Shion’s mind.

A boy with one eye gleaming from behind his hair, the corners of his mouth constantly turned up as if something were endlessly amusing.

Being in Class A, there was no doubt he was skilled.

But to Shion, that wasn’t what was important.

What mattered was the unsettling aura the boy gave off.

If asked, “Who in Class A is scary?” he would answer without a moment’s hesitation.

“Sotobori Tenma.”

I mean, the name itself was just… something else.

“What were his parents thinking when they named him? Isn’t that just ‘Heavenly Demon Fiend’?”

It was the kind of name you’d hesitate to even use the term “sparkly name” for.

Is that guy bad news?

“Bad news. I have confidence in my own sensors. I can tell when someone’s the type you’ll regret getting involved with.”

He personally disliked Rudolf and Shiori, but there was no harm in staying on their good side.

That was precisely why Shion had gone out of his way to put on that chilling performance.

But this Sotobori Tenma was different. In a straightforward fight, Tenma would likely surpass the other two.

And that was besides aspects like pure combat ability.

Yet, not even if the heavens and earth were turned upside down would he ever want to befriend him.

All hail playing it safe!

“You could say he has the stench of misfortune about him. How do I put it… He’s a kind of monomaniac.”

He didn’t know what the obsession was, but he was sure it was nothing good.

At least, Shion was convinced of it.

“You and I both place our own lives above all else, right? That’s why you didn’t hesitate to beg for your life.”

Mmm… Yeah, I guess so. Is that Tenma guy different?

“He is. He has this air about him like he doesn’t give a damn about his own life.”

He wasn’t optimistic enough to say that someone like that wasn’t dangerous.

The reason he said it with such disgust was likely because he detested Tenma from the bottom of his heart.

Although, it wasn’t particularly rare for Shion to hate other people.

Fundamentally, Shion was a good-for-nothing failure of a human who loved no one but himself and could only harbor ill feelings toward others.

And you’re gonna be studyin’ in the same place as a guy like that…? Hey, your life is my life, too, y’know?

“I know. I’ll make sure I have absolutely nothing to do with him.”

You promise?

“I’m not lying. Besides, we’re just in the same class.”

It couldn’t be helped that they’d be in lessons together; they were in the same class, after all.

But the chances of something happening during a lesson were slim.

“As long as we don’t end up in the same party, there’s no problem.”

As he spoke, he once again filled the kettle and poured hot water. In his hands now was a curry udon cup.

Only now did Shion finally take off his uniform jacket and shirt. A basic precaution when eating curry udon.

No problem as long as you’re not in the same party?

“Yeah, it’s not like anything crazy is gonna happen inside the school. The dangerous place is inside the dungeon.”

Once you dive into a Pit and reach a dungeon, there are no guarantees for your life.

If he were in a place like that with Tenma, Shion might just collapse from anxiety.

That was why he absolutely did not want to be in a party with him.

“I’d rather team up with the pretentious blondie or the cursed Japanese doll than with him. I’ll just suck it up.”

Hoh… so there’s nothin’ to worry about, then?

“Nope. The odds of us being in the same party aren’t that high, anyway.”

As he poured the water, the pleasant smell of curry began to fill the room.

I see, so we can rest easy!

“Yep, we’re safe! More importantly, we’ve got curry udon now. This stuff is pretty good, too.”

Hoh… well then, I’ll get my hopes up!

“Go on, get ‘em up!”

Ahaha! the boy and the snake laughed.

But—more often than not, optimism leads to bad results.

However, it seemed it would take a little more time for Shion to realize this.

Then again, since he wasn’t equipped with the function for self-reflection, perhaps he would never notice at all.