Life is a Mess Ever Since My Mother Won an Ero-Novel Grand Prize - Chapter 4.2

Chapter 4.2

I turned around and saw the designated place. There were some men gathered around the corner. That’s it. I sped up.

“How dare you try to mess with my mother…”

I clenched my fists and was about to shout in anger when a strange sight came into my view.

The men, my mother was talking about, were all wearing checkered shirts and had cameras in their hands. Some of them had pretty good SLRs, while others were taking pictures with their smartphones. It was like a bunch of camera boys who had just gathered on the street.

And in front of their lenses…

Almost naked, a female warrior, a glamorous cosplayer dressed in sensational bikini armor. Holding a fake sword in her hand, she posed, confused by the demands of the camera boys.

“Here, like this?”

Ohhhhhhhhhh…

The flash and shuttering continued.

I watched the scene with a cold, blank stare.

As soon as Mirei noticed me,

“H-haru-kun! Help me! Somehow it turned out like this, help!”

“I see.”

“Wait! Where are you going? Don’t go home! Don’t leave me alone!”

As I was about to leave, Mirei came up to my back and started munching on me.

Seriously, what’s with this situation…?

I kicked the camera boys out of the way and made Mirei change her clothes. Then gave her a lecture.

“When you said it was an emergency, I was concerned. Why were you doing a photo session as a cosplayer?”

“I’m sorry, Haru-kun… Y-you’re trying your best to win with your novel so I thought you might want to use me as a role model… All I wanted was to help you…”

She had a point, though.

“So I came to Akihabara. I wandered around here and there, and the shopkeepers recommended this and that, and I ended up winning a cosplay competition called Layer Three Contest.”

“Isn’t that too much of a progress?”

“I never thought I’d have such a scary first experience…”

“Can you please stop trying to make yourself sexier every time?”

I mean, why would a mother of two in her 40s want to cosplay as a warrior and join a cosplay tournament?

“But I’m glad you’re here, Haru-kun. Akihabara is a very scary place. I can’t walk here alone.”

“It’s not that unsafe.”

“Haru-kun, can you show me around Akihabara? We can look for reference materials together! It’ll help me learn as well!”

With a flowery smile, she entwined my arm like a lover and pressed something soft against me. Squishy-squishy.

Shit, this should have been an event with Rinka! Why am I doing this with my mother? And stop hugging my arms and pressing your chest against me!

“Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a date. Think of it as a research assignment for a writer!”

“What the hell is that?”

I’d rather not go on a tour with my mother, but I don’t know what’s going to happen to her if I leave her alone, and it’s also true that I want to find something to write about.

I can’t help it, I thought, as I walked around with her, praying that we wouldn’t run into the same material that Rinka was collecting…

“Wow, look at this, Haru-kun! There’s a person who looks like he just stepped out of a picture book!”

“That’s also a cosplayer. There’s a wide variety.”

However, she is holding my arm, and every time she moves, something soft is pressed against me, and a sweet, flowery smell tickles my nostrils.

“Look up, Haru-kun! On the top floor of the Don Quijote building, there’s a billboard for an idol that even I know! Is that a theater?”

“It’s the home ground of those idols that perform almost every day.”

“Look there’s a cat cafe! What does that mean?”

“I think it’s a coffee shop specializing in cats.”

“There’s always at least one PC store on every block, why are there so many?”

“I have no idea.”

I knew that Akihabara was originally an electronics town and that PC stores were a remnant of that, but I couldn’t be bothered to answer seriously. Or rather, I was tired. For real.

“It’s almost time for lunch. I’ve seen it on TV, but I want to go to a maid café and have an omu-rice! I want them to draw a picture of me with ketchup!”

Although she was talking like an innocent little girl, she was still a mother of two children.

She pulled me by the arm and took me to a nearby maid cafe.

“Excuse me!”

Mirei was in high spirits, having a lot of fun.

The maid staff working at the counter gave me a smile.

“Welcome back, Ngo!”

Ngo…? I took a closer look and saw that the gloomy woman looked familiar.

“Ah!”

“Fah!”

“”Aaaaaaaaahhhh!””

Our voices overlapped as we met again for the first time since the awards ceremony.

However, there is no doubt that the “rotten aura” that overflows from her. She’s the Nan-j-something.

“Isn’t it Bondage Sailor-Suit sensei? What are you doing in such a place? You know what I mean…”

“Ngogogo… This is the worst. Of all people, my junior saw me like this… I can’t live anymore…”

“Hey, so you work part-time here at a maid cafe? I thought you were a shut-in.”

“Indeed, I’m usually a shut-in…”

No, I wanted you to deny that. Why is she admitting it as though it’s normal?

“But just today, I was forcibly dragged out by a former senior of my doujin circle because we were short on staff…”

“Oh, so that’s why, I’m sorry, my timing is bad. It must be hard, isn’t it?”

“I’ll forgive you as soon as you forget!”

Erm, Mirei was puzzled next to me.

“Oh, this is my senior author, Bondage Sailor Suit Sensei.”

“Bondage, Sailor Suit?”

Shine, something seems to have flashed and Mirei opens her eyes wide.

No, I don’t want to hear it. Absolutely not, she’s bound to say something vulgar.

I preempted her so she wouldn’t say anything.

“Come on, Senpai, do your job! You’re a maid now, right?”

Then, suddenly, in a moe moe anime voice, like a voice actress, “Welcome home☆ Master♪ Ojou-sama♪” and, as if she’s changed, she becomes a capacious maid, instead of a reclusive Nanj girl.

“… Who are you?”

“I think you’re a little freaked out-ngo. That’s why I don’t want to do it!”

Aaaaah, the worst of the worst, Sailor Suit Sensei despairs.

But on the other hand, Mirei’s expression brightened up.

“Did you hear that, Haru-kun! She called me a young lady!”

“Is this the first time you’ve been called that?”

“No, it’s been over ten years since my parents disowned me!”

Damn, she’s from the upper class for nothing…

“Have you ever seen a real maid?”

“Yes, but none of them were young. The skirts were too long. They didn’t have legs like that.”

“Don’t look, stop looking at my legs-ngo” Sailor-Suit-sensei fumed.

“First of all, it’s amazing that you’ve seen a real maid.”

“Your clothes are bright with pink coloring. It’s lovely! The only maids I remember were plain black and white. I guess it’s different when a young girl wears it!”

“I’m not young, I’m a descendant of goblins living in the dark, and the gaze of such a beautiful woman is too dazzling,” Sailor-Suit-sensei said, struggling to hide her face while doing a strange dance.

“It’s not like maids are a job for young girls. It’s a menial job.”

“That was a long time ago. Today, maids are a rare and high-class profession. My father only hired people who had been educated for years in specialized institutes that were difficult to get into in the first place, and who’re from England.”

“…”

The Sailor-Suit Sensei turned pale and began to sweat profusely.

“I’m not… I’m a maid for just a day-ngo…”

She whimpered, but Mirei was not listening.

“So, I’m surprised. I was wondering what the level of maids in Japan is. They are so sophisticated that they can open a store at a young age. I’m sure they’ve been trained to such a high level that someone raised in England would run away barefoot…”

“I will be with you in a moment-ngo”

The Sailor-suit Sensei ran into the store in a hurry.

“Eh? What happened all of a sudden?”

“You know…”

I put my hands on my hips and sighed, and tried to explain to her about Japanese maids.

“What? So they’re all just part-time?”

“I don’t know if they’re part-timers or employees, but as a maid, she must be pretty new.”

Oh, no, said Mirei, a little disappointed.

“But I don’t mind. As long as it reminds me of the old days and gives me a small taste of otaku culture, I’m happy.”

By the way, maid cafes are classified as adult entertainment. In other words, I was about to enter a brothel with my mother. I want to die.

A new maid was brought in from inside the store.

This time, it was a beautiful older woman with the air of an experienced maid. Her head was covered with nekomimi, and she wore the heavy makeup that has become popular in recent years (like special makeup). She was tall and had long arms and legs, and her movements were refined, so she might have been a model or something.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. Is this the first time for the two of you? Please come. When this candle is lit, it will open the door to fairyland♪”

The candle looks like a child’s toy. When we blew on it, the red light would turn on. However, even after blowing on it once or twice, it did not light up.

“I wonder if I’m being denied entry.”

“You’re not being denied entry, young lady.”

The veteran maid smiled softly and suddenly swung her arm and *Smash*

She slammed the toy candle down on the counter like fixing an old TV.

Appalled for a moment, the veteran maid blew on it cutely, and this time the red light was turned on.

“Yes, it’s lit. Let me show you around.”

She acted as if nothing had happened.

“That’s amazing, Haru-kun! Japanese maids are even more poker-faced than the real thing!”

“I think it’s not the fact that they are Japanese maids as it is the temperament of Japanese women.”

Anyway, I was taken to a seat in the restaurant.

Of course there were many Japanese customers (not only men, but also young women and families), but there were also many groups of what looked like tourists. I guess the restaurant is now treated as a famous place in Japan. I was impressed by the fact that the maids were answering in English.

“For first-time customers, we recommend the maid cafe debut set. It includes omu-rice, a drink, cheki, a photo album, and a souvenir.”

“Don’t be fooled, it’s the same price as if you order each piece individually. Do the math.”

“Haru-kun, you’re being a bit nitpicky. It’s not like they’re going to take more than they should. More importantly, what is cheki? Rock, paper, scissors?”

“It’s chokey. It means they’re going to take a picture of you, with the maid. You can take it as a souvenir.”

“Oh, that’s a nice service. I’ll take the debut set then. Does it come with dessert?”

“Dessert is extra, dear customer.”

“Look at that, that’s intentional. I swear she did it on purpose.”

“Don’t be rude. I’ll have a parfait, too. What about you, Haru-kun?”

“I don’t want it. It’s too expensive.”

It was the veteran maid who started giggling.

“You two are very close. May I ask what kind of relationship you have? I think she’s a little bit older than me so you might be lovers or siblings.”

“Waaa, did you hear that Haru-kun! What should I do? I don’t know what to do!”

“She said we looked like siblings too.”

“Me and Haru-kun are lovers! Iyaaan!”

No way. Someone please do something about this Showa-born.

The veteran maid tilted her head and said, “Are you siblings?”

“Parent and child”

“Exc?”

I guess she wanted to say, “excuse me?” but she was so surprised that it turned into a “exc!”

“Oh, parent and child …!? Then, this is not a lady, but a mother!?”

It’s been a while since we’ve had this kind of exchange…

The last time was at the entrance ceremony of my high school…

“Iyaan, please call me Ojou-sama. I want to remember when I was young.”

My mother held both cheeks in her hands and wiggled. I wanna die.

“Ngogogogo… Mating Press is at the maid cafe with his mother. I’m going to spread the information all over the internet and make a laughing stock of you.”

Sailor-suit Sensei was smiling wickedly at me from a distance, but I was quick to give her a canter.

“I would like to take a picture with her so that everyone on the Internet can see it.”

“I’m sorry, please forgive me-ugu.”

On the other hand,

“Excuse me, but how old are you?”

The veteran maid asked with a startled expression. Mirei whispered in her ear.

Then the veteran maid said, “No way 〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜!” The poker face completely collapsed.

“Master! Please tell me the secret of your youth!”

She kneeled down on the spot. What is this?

“I don’t want to hear any more of this. Why don’t you do your job as a maid? You’re still getting paid by the hour, aren’t you?”

“Hourly wage? I don’t know what you’re talking about. We are maids by nature, and we serve for free! That’s what it’s like to be a maid in a fairyland!”

The veteran maid, wearing cat ears, made a cat pose.

“Yeah, That’s good.”

I applauded her lightly. But next to her.

“What was that? That was so cute! Can I do the same? Nyan☆”

Please kill me…

“If you’d like, ma’am, you can try out the maid costume on the menu here.”

“What? You can even wear a maid costume?”

Thank you god! Mirei exclaimed.

“No, you don’t need to cosplay anymore. You already won a contest, so you should be satisfied. Besides, it’s two thousand yen a time. It’s a rip-off.”

“Don’t worry, it’s only 2,000 yen. Compared to the prize money and royalties, it’s pennies!”

“All right, hurry up and end this please.”

“You can change your clothes over there.”

“Yes…”

Oh, shit! I groaned like a rumbling earth.

By the time she went to change, Sailor Suit Sensei put a panda ear headband on my head. “Ngogogo!” And laughed at me.

In addition, she casted a spell,

“Moe moe☆kyun, connect our hearts 💖💖!”

And finally I was allowed to have a drink (Coke).

I wanted to die so badly, but hell had only just begun.

“Haru-kun, how is it? Look, I’m a Mother Maid☆”

God, please kill me…

“Oh my, my legs are so long that my skirt is almost the length of a mini-skirt. Iyaan, you can see my thighs… You might even see my panties!”

Hurry up god!

“Since you’ve been so good to me, I’m going to give you lots and lots of service! Oh, I’ll do the drawing on the omu-rice, so don’t worry… Yes, thank you. Then watch me, Haru-kun! Let’s see, what should I draw? Oh, I made a mistake! It’s very difficult to draw with ketchup. Ahh, it’s sticking out of the plate! Okay now this, wow… and this, perfect. I was taught a magic spell that’ll make it taste good no matter how much ketchup is on it! Come on, Haru-kun, let’s do it together! Let’s be tasty, be tasty, Moe Moe☆Kyun!”

…

There was no response. He seemed to be nothing more than a corpse.

He was so devastated that his soul had already left for the other world.

In his hand was a picture of him with a maid in her 40s. She was so close to him, or rather, she was hugging him, which is not possible in a photo shoot with a regular employee maid. By the way, the shutter was taken by that girl who always says “ngo-ngo-ngo”

“We’ve made memories that will last a lifetime!”

“It’s a nightmare that will haunt me for the rest of my life…”

She was no longer in the maid uniform, but she still wore the bunny ears headband that she got as a souvenir.

“What does a rabbit sound like? Pyon?” And she was ready to add it to each sentence.

“Take that off your head. The bunny ears… It’s embarrassing.”

“They’re part of me now, pyon!”

“You just put them on! And don’t use that pyon!”

Then my phone shook. It was an incoming call. I was surprised when I checked the screen.

“Ah, it’s from Hanagaki-san.”

If the editor in charge suddenly called, it must be something important.

I gestured to her to be quiet and picked up the phone.

…To be continued

[TLN: (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻]