【013】Confession

“I’ll be late today, so eat what’s in the refri—”

Ah, I made a typo.

Ugh, I’m still not great with technology.

I rewrote the message and sent it again. The recipient was Misa-kun, of course. I wondered if he’d reply, though he’s not really the type to carry his cell phone around much. Kind of defeats the purpose of having one, doesn’t it? I think that every time.

“Nakano-san.”

Someone called my name.

I walked over to the person who called.

“You are Nakano Nanaka-san, correct?”

“Yes.”

I replied with my best smile.

The nurse looked at me with an almost entranced expression. This much is nothing.

“Th-then, please go ahead. The doctor is waiting for you.”

I entered the room.

I want to see Misa-kun’s face soon.

【Tamura Misaki】

Once Satou-san stopped crying, she bowed her head to me again.

“Sorry for suddenly breaking down like that…”

“No, it’s really fine…”

Honestly, I didn’t know how to respond.

“I don’t resent you or anything like that, Satou-san. Really, I don’t.”

Satou-san turned to face me. Her eyes were red. The traces of her tears still remained.

“Ah, it’s not that I’m just a pushover or anything. I’ve always had a tendency to be bullied, and the fact that I never fought back, that I gave up—I think all of that is my own fault.”

Just like how I came to see bullying as salvation.

I had countless options available to me.

Both good and bad.

For instance—and this is just hypothetical—I could have taken revenge on the people who bullied me. I could have recorded evidence of the bullying and reported it to the police, or even posted it on social media.

That probably wouldn’t have been the right thing to do. But I had countless ways I could have acted.

I chose to be bullied.

Even if it was unconscious, I made that choice myself.

Coincidence and predisposition had nothing to do with it.

It was a sin I committed against myself.

“This might sound strange, but I was actually a little happy when you came, Satou-san. Because I’m the perpetrator in the groping incident, and you’re the victim.”

“That’s not true! Misaki is the victim!”

“Ah, right…”

“I’ve regretted it this whole time. When the rumors about the groping incident spread, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t say that Misaki wasn’t the perpetrator.”

“That’s… it couldn’t be helped.”

“I want to help you, Misaki.”

Satou-san was looking at me.

Our eyes met. It had been a long time since we’d looked at each other like this for so long.

“I really want to help you, Misaki. I want to tell everyone that you’re innocent.”

“No, you don’t have to force yourself to—”

“I might actually be able to.”

Satou-san said it definitively. I was honestly surprised.

“That day and even now—the speed at which those rumors spread is abnormal. Someone must be spreading them. Someone is trying to frame Misaki as the perpetrator.”

“Huh? No, why would anyone—”

“Because… that day, the actual perpetrator of the groping incident definitely wasn’t Misaki. There were several people from our school on that train. They know it wasn’t Misaki. But the next day, the rumor had already spread. That’s not normal.”

“…”

I fell silent.

“I’m sorry. This is cowardly of me, isn’t it?”

“Cowardly?”

“In the end, I’m only acting for my own sake. I want forgiveness for what I did to Misaki. I’m trying to find a compromise that will let me forgive myself… Even what I just said might just be what I want to believe.”

Satou-san lowered her gaze again.

“I think you’re overthinking this, Satou-san.”

I really wanted to say it.

I wanted to tell her. Satou-san was speaking from her heart. I thought it would be disrespectful not to stand on the same ground as her.

“I’ve lied to myself so many times. I’m still lying to myself now. I’ve always hated being alone. I’m probably scared of being alone. I’ve lied to myself so much that I can’t tell anymore what’s true and what’s false… I want to be friends with you again like we used to be, Satou-san. Like when I used to call you Akane.”

That’s right. I was longing for the past.

My past self. My past daily life. The people from my past.

I’d given up on moving forward and kept looking backward. Clutching that past preciously, refusing to take even a single step forward.

Ah, I see. It’s that simple, isn’t it?

I was just rejecting the future.

I just didn’t want to know the fact that the past was already nothing more than the past.

“I want to properly assert my innocence too.”

I said to Satou-san.

Satou-san’s lips trembled, her eyes brimming with tears.

She wiped away her tears with her sleeve.

“Yeah. I’ll definitely prove your innocence, Misaki.”

I wonder if someday we’ll be able to think of ourselves as childhood friends again, like we used to.

For the first time, I could imagine such a future.

【Nakano Nanaka】

I got home later than usual today.

Ugh, seriously. Even though I had an appointment, wasn’t the wait at reception way too long?

It’s already almost nighttime.

I want to see Misa-kun soon.

I was walking quickly toward home.

I want to see him, I want to see him, I want to see him.

I want to see him right now…!

The apartment came into view.

Just before arriving, I hid myself.

On the second floor of the apartment, the door to the room at the far end opened. Someone came out.

…What?

It was Satou Akane.

Satou Akane was smiling at Misa-kun.

Misa-kun was smiling back.

This is wrong. Their relationship should already be broken.

So what is this?

What? What? What does this mean?

Hey, what does this mean?

Satou Akane, what are you?

Hey, what is this?

I can’t forgive this.

I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this throb I can’t forgive this I can’t forgive this—

Ah, I know.

I just need to erase her.