#45: The Rear-End Maestro, Also Known as a Human Chair

During the Literature Club reflection meeting, I remained a human chair the entire time.

Kyouko-chan, over the course of it, stimulated me by wiggling her rear end against my—on multiple occasions, and kneaded my earlobe with her left hand wrapped around my shoulder, treating me like a toy just for the occasion.

Although the Literature Club members noticed this, Kyouko-chan’s attitude was dead serious, and since I kept my eyes closed and remained silent to fully concentrate on the sensation of her rear end, no one could interject, and the discussion proceeded uninterrupted.

But after about an hour, the members reached their limit and started complaining.

“The teacher’s being unfair! Please switch with us!”

“Yeah, the teacher’s got all the fun~”

“Right! We want to hang out with Mizumoto-senpai too!”

“Look, I’m not doing this because I want to, you know!”

“Huh? Kyouko-chan, really? It totally seems like you’re enjoying it.”

I immediately shot back.

“Of course I am! This is part of my instruction! It’s a crucial duty as your homeroom teacher and club advisor!”

Even as Kyouko-chan said this, she was kneading my earlobe.
She was clearly trying to push through with her usual forceful tone, but it had absolutely no convincing power.

In any case, I gently traced Kyouko-chan’s sexy knee and inner thigh with a feather touch.

“Hyan♡”

Her reaction was so entertaining that I kept up the feather touch for a while.

“Hyan♡ Haaan♡”

“See! You’re just having fun while talking about instruction! The teacher’s being unfair!”

“That’s right, that’s right!”

Things were getting out of hand, so as the harem protagonist, I figured I should say something.

“No matter how comfortable my lap is, monopolizing it isn’t right, Kyouko-chan. I’ll make sure everyone gets a turn later, so could you guys go easy on Kyouko-chan for my sake?”

“Y-you promise…?” she said, her cheeks flushing.

“Can I sit too~?”

“There he goes! Classic Norio move!”

“Raw Norio-senpai, you’re seriously something else!”

“M-my master… that was kinda cool back there… Even at school, Kyouko’s all wet now♡”

Terrifying, really, my protagonist power.
With just one line, I’d settled the girls’ complaints.

Besides, Kyouko-chan clearly isn’t even trying to hide being a pervert anymore in the club.

So I took turns letting each club member sit on my lap after switching with Kyouko-chan.

First were the Konda twins.
Two at once.

With their legs spread, Mikan-san and Lemon-san each sat on my left and right knees, wriggling their rear ends to test the comfort.

“Wow, this is actually pretty nice!”

“Raw Norio Chair is seriously amazing!”

“What does ‘raw Norio’ mean?”

“Raw as in Norio-senpai fresh from the source!”

“Then you two are raw Mikan and raw Lemon.”

“Raw Lemon? That’s like Mama Lemon!”

Both Mikan and Lemon had modest rear ends, so they felt a bit firm—less like women and more like girls. I figured Kurumi probably felt similar.

Would the day ever come when Kurumi would say something like “I want to sit on big bro’s lap too”?

Next was the plump vice president, Suzu Hibino.
Not fat by any means, but probably the heaviest of the bunch.

Suzu-san turned her back to me and sat on my lap, then leaned back against me like I was a backrest. She then took both my hands and placed them on her stomach, fixing them in place like a seatbelt.

“Hmm, it’s not all that~”

For someone with a healing-type character, that was pretty harsh feedback.
My pride as a human chair took a small hit, so I gently kneaded the flesh on her stomach.

“Ahn♡ Hey, don’t pinch my belly fat!”

Honestly, the texture was amazing. True healing energy.

She thrashed around trying to escape my kneading, so her considerable rear end jiggled violently on my lap.
The sensation was incredible. My—got unexpectedly energized despite myself.

When I stopped kneading and released her, Suzu-san turned bright red and appealed to everyone: “S-something was hard! Something was really hard! It was hard!”—but she wouldn’t say the specific noun of what was hard, probably too embarrassed, so the other members gave her confused looks and asked “What was hard?”

Last was the club president, Fujiko-san.
Before, I would’ve thought she was completely unrelated to something like this, but now that her character’s collapsed, things are different.

This girl isn’t an honor student or madonna.
She’s just a chuunibyou girl taken too far, and it shows.

Sure enough, Fujiko-san didn’t sit normally.

She grabbed her skirt and lifted it slightly, then straddled me face-to-face in a bow-legged position. The so-called facing position. And since she’d hiked her skirt up, it was direct contact.
She was at least wearing tights so I wasn’t touching bare skin or underwear directly, but the sensation was still different from having the skirt in between.

“You’ve got guts, Fujiko-san. Even for me, the protagonist, this is seriously tough to endure.”

Her raw, direct sensation immediately energized my—

“Th-thank you for the compliment…”

Fujiko-san’s face was as red as a boiled octopus, her breathing heavy, and she was starting to look kinda dangerous.

To keep her balance, Fujiko-san placed both hands on my shoulders while I wrapped both arms around her waist to support her lightly.

From the outside, it probably looked like we were hugging.

The protagonist and the former main heroine candidate, gazing at each other.

But I was more focused on the sensation of her rear end than her expression, so I kept my eyes closed and concentrated fully on savoring it.

However, Fujiko-san misinterpreted my closed eyes.

Ah, he’s waiting for a kiss.

Not realizing any of this, I kept my eyes closed and savored Fujiko-san’s rear end sensation when Kyouko-chan suddenly roared.

“Tsukino! I didn’t give permission for kissing!”

I snapped my eyes open, and right in front of me was a close-up of Fujiko-san with her eyes closed, lips puckered, breathing heavily, and about to kiss me.

In that instant, Kyouko-chan and the Literature Club members dragged Fujiko-san off.

“Just a little more! Just a little more and I would’ve made it! Please, I’m begging you! Please!”

Fujiko-san, held in a full nelson, appealed loudly, her frustration evident.
She looked like she might cry tears of blood, she was so frustrated.
I’ve never actually heard someone use the word “begging” in real life before.

And as if it were only natural, Kyouko-chan sat back down on my lap.

Hmm.
Yeah, Kyouko-chan’s definitely the best when it comes to the weight, sensation, and shape of her rear end.

#46: The Relationship Between the Younger Sister and the Club President Becomes Clear

After finishing the Literature Club—which never actually reads books—I headed home, where Meg and Kurumi were preparing dinner.

“I’m home. It’s been a while since Meg’s made dinner.”

“Norio, welcome home~♪”

Meg in her apron said that and then clung to me with her eyes closed, asking for a kiss, but when I said “I haven’t washed my hands or gargled yet, so wait!” she fired me up with “You’ve got forty seconds to get ready!”

I hurried to the sink and quickly washed my hands and gargled.
After changing into my home clothes, I returned to the kitchen, where Meg had her arms spread wide as if to say Come here! So I gave her a tight hug and then we shared a deep, messy kiss.

“Hold on, Meg! He’s got other guys? At least eat dinner first! What do I do next?”

“Hmph, so my older brother got stolen by Meg, and now you’re taking it out on her? Cute little sister.”

“Meg-chan would be cuter if she was a bit more honest.”

“What is it with you two! Just… make dinner already! Come on!”

“Good grief.”
“Good grief~”

Meg and Kurumi made hamburgers, and once the three of us sat down to eat together, Meg asked me about Fujiko-san.

“Norio, what’re you gonna do about Fujiko-chan?”

“Well, I actually wanted to consult with you about that, but I got interrupted by the awfully aggressive Fujiko-san and couldn’t.”

“Are you talking about Fujiko Tsukino-senpai?”

“That’s the one! That Fujiko-chan! Fujiko-chan likes Norio too~!”

“Yeah, figured as much. She’s been like that for a while.”

“Hey, wait a second, Kurumi! The way you’re saying that makes it sound like you actually know Fujiko-san?”

“I do. We’ve known each other forever. We were friends back in middle school through Pocket Cards.”

Pocket Cards—or “Pocca” for short—refers to Pocket Ojisan, a trading card game based on the anime “Pocket Ojisan,” which is hugely popular with kids. Kurumi’s been into it since elementary school.

※”Pocket Ojisan”
About ten years ago, it was adapted into an anime from a popular game and became a massive trend, even becoming a social phenomenon. The story follows the protagonist Sadoshi-kun, who travels around catching various old men, makes them into pets, trains them, battles other Pocket Ojisan trainers, and grows to become a Pocket Ojisan Master.

“No way… I had no idea?”

“Well, you never asked. She said she’d give me rare cards if I’d listen to her problems, so I did.”

“Kurumi, you got bribed!”

“But she said she had two copies of the holographic ‘Choujo-san’! You two don’t know the value of a holographic Choujo-san!”

“Is it really that valuable?”

“Shop buyout prices start at 20,000 yen minimum, and among enthusiasts, 50,000 is standard. It’s the strongest Baldhead-type Pocket Ojisan, after all. By the way, the strongest Beard-type is Gonda-san, and the strongest Sideburn-type is Johnny-san.”

“Fifty thousand!? Fujiko-san’s serious…”

“I turned her down at first too! But she said she had two copies, so I figured I might as well listen to her problems properly.”

“Wait, the way you’re saying that—she’s been consulting with you for a long time?”

“More than three months. But with the Meg situation and getting the Choujo-san card and all, plus Fujiko-senpai’s caught up in her weird delusions… lately I’ve been getting tired of listening to her problems.”

“So those delusions she was talking about—that Love Comedy Syndrome thing?”

“That’s the one. She kept asking detailed questions about the old geezer and what Meg-chan and I do together normally, and she kept saying I was a victim too, super persistent about it.”

“Probably fine now on the Love Comedy Syndrome front. Today Kyouko-chan even lectured her: ‘There’s no such disease! It’s not in the family medical encyclopedia!’ “

“Kyouko-chan said Fujiko-chan has chuunibyou.”

“Yeah. So is Fujiko-senpai actually serious about liking the geezer?”

“From what Meg saw, yeah, she’s serious.”

“She was coming onto me for a kiss during club activities today too. Kyouko-chan and the other members had to restrain her to stop it.”

“What are they even doing in the Literature Club! They’re not reading books!”

“Honestly, lately we haven’t been reading anything. Today I spent the whole time as a human chair.”

“That’s messed up. But with Fujiko-senpai as president and the geezer there, I guess that’s what you get…”

“Huh? From your perspective, is Fujiko-chan that weird?”

“Huh? Isn’t Fujiko-senpai just straight-up a weirdo? She’s all quiet and pretends to be a honor student at high school, but back in middle school she was like ‘Kurumi-chan! Let’s go catch real Pocket Ojisan!’ and it was a nightmare to stop her.”

“No, that’s just child exploitation!”

“Fujiko-senpai was dead serious about catching old men to fight each other.”

“So that’s what modern chuunibyou is like…”

“So what’re you gonna do? You’re gonna two-time Meg-chan and the pretty senpai and then devour Fujiko-senpai too?”

“No, Meg hasn’t been devoured yet! Sakura-chan hasn’t been devoured yet! Norio’s actually being responsible about that! It’s gross though.”

“Huh? Really? I totally thought both of them had already fallen for the geezer.”

“Hey, don’t say things like girls getting ‘devoured’ or ‘falling for him’! Your big brother’s feeling a little sad about that… But yeah, about Fujiko-san—I had written her off as a demoted heroine, but watching her these past few days, cutting her off completely just seems kinda mean.”

“Ugh, the way the geezer’s like ‘I’m so popular, what do I do,’ it seriously pisses me off.”

“Well, Norio really is popular, so…? Gross though.”

“But like, Meg-chan, that pretty senpai, and Fujiko-senpai are all seriously beautiful girls. You could catch way better guys than the geezer with way less effort. Why the geezer?”

“Kurumi, you don’t get it even though you’re the little sister~ There’s no one better than Norio! Gross though.”

“Stop adding ‘gross though’ every time! Come on, Meg!”

It felt like I’d talked with Kurumi more than I had in a long time, and hearing my little sister’s honest thoughts was genuinely valuable.

But I never knew Kurumi and Fujiko-san were friends through Pocket Cards…

Wait.
Hold on a second.
The reason Kurumi calls me “geezer”…could it be…!?

Did I get Pocket Ojisan’d!?