After I Picked up a Notebook Filled With Intense Emotions, the Girls Started Acting Strange - Chapter 51

When I turned the pages of the notebook, the contents were different from what I had seen before.

The heavy feelings written there hadn’t changed.

But this time, it wasn’t written by just one person. There were entries from several people, all written like diary pages.

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[April 7, 202×]

I decided to start keeping a diary today.

I’m already in sixth grade.

But I still don’t think I can become a hero yet.

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I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him I like him.

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[April 7, 202◯]

I just started middle school, so I decided to start a diary today.

I hope I can make new friends.

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Wait for me. I’ll come see him. I promise. I swear I will.

I used the handkerchief again today.

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“T-this is…?”

Cold sweat ran down my back as the words reminded me of something I had heard somewhere before.

The diary continued across several blank pages.

From the contents, it was probably written by different people.

The first one was filled with heavy feelings for someone who helped her back in elementary school, and at the same time, a strong hatred toward her childhood friend.

The second one was written by someone who had deep, overwhelming feelings for the person who helped her. And she wrote dangerous thoughts toward someone who might be pretending to be that benefactor.

If my memory is right, I know both of these people.

No, to be exact, it’s more like I suddenly remembered them.

My memories from elementary school are hazy.

But I do remember picking a fight with a guy who bragged about bullying another kid.

I wanted to make sure that kid would never be bullied again.

And in middle school… yeah, during that Golden Week.

A memory I tried not to recall.

That day, after getting my heart broken, I ran away from that place without thinking.

Further down the road, I found a girl who looked troubled… and gave her my handkerchief.

The handkerchief I had received from someone else.

Back then, I threw it to her without much thought, and later felt terrible about it.

“Don’t tell me… these two are…?”

I still couldn’t believe it, and confusion twisted inside me.

This didn’t match the story I heard earlier.

This felt like something built up over the years.

A pile of countless feelings, pure, single-minded, and far too heavy.

My heart pounded painfully in my chest.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. Is it happy, scared, or confused?

Maybe all of them were correct, and that’s why my mind was spinning.

“A-Anyway, there’s still more…?”

I didn’t want to read people’s private feelings.

But at this point, I couldn’t just stop.

I felt guilty as I reached for the next page.

Imagining that the next entry… might belong to her.

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[April 6, 202◯]

Today I started middle school.

Since it’s a new beginning, I decided to keep a diary.

Elementary school was really hard.

I went through a lot because of how noticeable I looked.

I wanted to stay as quiet as possible, so I used a wig and glasses to look plain.

When I did that, no one talked to me anymore.

We moved, so my school district changed, too.

I’m sure no one here knows who I am.

[May 11, 202◯]

A whole month passed, but I still have no friends.

It’s a little lonely, but it can’t be helped.

I found a good place. The library.

There, I can read quietly.

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[April 16, 202△]

It’s been a year since I became a middle schooler, and I’m still alone.

But once I get used to it, it’s actually a little comfortable.

Lately, I’ve been reading books other than novels.

Things like philosophy and ethics.

The content is difficult, but actually pretty interesting.

[May 14, 202△]

Someone talked to me in the library today.

He said the book I was reading was rare and interesting.

It was an ethics book.

I guess it is weird for someone like me to be reading that.

He seems like a total extrovert.

I’m not great with people like that.

[June 27, 202△]

Ever since that day, he has talked to me every time we meet in the library.

I still don’t know why he bothers with someone as plain as me.

Did he figure out who I am? That’s probably not it.

[July 21, 202△]

Summer break started.

He’s busy with club activities.

I overheard classmates talking. He’s apparently really talented.

That’s amazing.

It’s been hot lately, I hope he doesn’t collapse.

[August 14, 202△]

It was Obon, yet I still ran into him.

I was surprised.

We talked a bit at a café.

I recommended a book, and he said he’ll read it.

[August 25, 202△]

The second term finally began. During the usual lunchtime, he came again. We talked a little about what happened over summer break.

And he even read the novel I recommended. I’m so happy.

[October 22, 202△]

I realized I’ve been following him with my eyes.

I think I understand what this means. I’ve read a lot of novels, so I kind of get it.

But… I still can’t really feel it clearly yet.

[January 8, 202⬜︎]

I was able to greet him for the new year.

I hope we can become even closer this year.

He asked for my contact info, but I don’t have a phone. So I couldn’t give it.

We’re poor, so it can’t be helped.

[February 14, 202⬜︎]

I couldn’t give him chocolates. He already got so many from other girls, mine probably wouldn’t matter anyway.

…But I still feel frustrated.

[February 17, 202⬜︎]

I hesitated, but I decided to give him something after all.

Chocolates would be too late now, so I bought a handkerchief instead. I gathered all the money I could to buy it.

I hope he likes it.

[February 25, 202⬜︎]

I went to his house for the first time. It smelled like him. His things were everywhere.

I did something I shouldn’t have done.

[March 14, 202⬜︎]

He gave me a return gift. He said the chocolates were handmade. They’re too precious to eat, so I’ll store them carefully so they don’t go bad.

Lately, I’ve been collecting too many things he threw away.

I did something bad again.

[April 12, 202⬜︎]

Ever since becoming a third-year, the pain has gotten worse. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m afraid something will break if I say it.

If he learned that I’ve been hiding my real appearance, would he hate me? But part of me thinks he might accept me.

Still… for now, I want to stay like this, where nothing changes.

[April 14, 202⬜︎]

This is the worst. Truly the worst.

Why was I born into this house?

If only I hadn’t been born here, maybe things with him would have been different…

I hate my father. I hate my mother.

[April 15, 202⬜︎]

At this rate, it won’t just be hard to see him. I might not even be able to go to school.

I almost told him about my home situation, but I couldn’t say anything in the end.

[April 18, 202⬜︎]

Some boys from another school tried to mess with me, but someone helped me.

Turns out he goes to the same school as him, and he’s even in the same club.

He felt a bit too friendly, but since he’s my crush’s close friend, I decided to let him hear me out.

[April 24, 202⬜︎]

That boy… Shindou, was it? He’s been helping me a lot lately.

He said my crush doesn’t really like plain girls like me. That hurt.

Should I show my real self instead?

Still, Shindou is way too familiar.

[April 26, 202⬜︎]

Recently, whenever we meet, he looks like he wants to ask me something.

He avoided the topic but… what is it? It bothers me.

[May 2, 202⬜︎]

This is truly the worst. I can’t believe this is happening.

Tomorrow will probably be the last day. At the very least, I want to see him and explain everything.

[May 3, 202⬜︎]

It took too long for me to sort out my feelings.

It’s been five months already, but I’ll write down what happened that day.

I couldn’t see him.

I waited for his club to finish, but he left right away with a girl who confessed to him, and they started dating on the spot.

I ran into Shindou by chance, and he told me everything. I couldn’t stop crying.

When he tried to comfort me, he suddenly hugged me. I reacted too slowly.

It was disgusting. I pushed him away.

…My love ends here.

Goodbye, Yuu-chan.

Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan. Yuu-chan.

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[October 3, 202⬜︎]

I learned the truth by accident.

Just like this. Over something so simple and I.

I’ll destroy everything that got in the way. I’ll curse them.

His family, that useless trash. Everything. Every last thing.

…Yuu-chan, wait for me.

I’ll tell you… the rest after this.