A Twisted Introvert loner Like Me, Mentally Wrecked One-Sidedly due to Love, Throws Away the Love Letter Sent by the foremost School's Beauty, Leading to an Unwanted Romantic Comedy - Chapter 20: A love without a context doesn’t fall under love in the first place.

Chapter 20: A love without a context doesn’t fall under love in the first place.

“…Why do you always assume the worst possible situation?”

Hiiragi’s first words, after hearing everything, were much calmer than I had imagined. I thought it should’ve been more like, ‘Why do you think so badly, you Stupid? Idiot! Loner! or with words like these, I had expected her to cuss at me with such vigour.

Well, in a sense, this might be worse than being scolded after all. Hiiragi’s current demeanor was, surpassing anger and reaching a state of sheer exasperation. The present state of Hiiragi was absolutely something just that.

She must have felt completely disappointed. Yet, I still found myself making excuses.

“There’s no reason for Katase to like me. Even though we have some sort of connection now, we didn’t even have a conversation before I received her love letter. There shouldn’t have been any moment where she would have fell for me, so…”

“——-You find it unbelievable?”

“…Yeah.”

The last words were spoken by her, and I just nodded in affirmation.

“What’s the reason you’re talking about in the first place, Kazari? Is it like something that we find in a drama or like in a novel?”

“Nope, it’s nothing that grand though.”

“So, are you trying to say that a love without a reason that can be called a reason, like in my case, would not even qualify as love or rather anything at all. Are you perhaps saying that?”

“T–that’s… ”

“—Is it necessary to have a reason to fall in love?”

“…………..”

I couldn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. After all, I myself have experienced a love without reason as well.

Ultimately, the main reason I can’t believe in Katase was probably because I don’t want to get hurt again on doing so.

Getting used to that incident had been a scary experience. On doing so, without realizing it, protecting myself became the top priority all in all.

Protecting oneself by themselves, Self-defence by itself is not a bad thing at all. No one wants to have their precious selves go through pains. But then again, always resorting to self-protection, self-defence… is probably not something good as well.

Even though I understand that, yet I still find myself uttering words which were focused on protecting myself.

I really am starting to hate it… this weak self of mine.

Since when was it I wonder, that this self-protection started breeding self-loath as well?

While thinking that I am doing everything to protect myself, but in fact, I am hurting myself in doing so instead.

“Kazari, so you’re fixed on rejecting my love, aren’t you?”

“That’s not it at all, That’s not it at all.”

“Not it? But that’s how it sounded to me though.”

“…Katase would, there’s no way you would come to fall in love with me in any circumstance.”

“And thus, you start belittling yourself like that. Stop denying other person’s feeling for you. It’s disrespectful to Sayo— to the girl who had fallen in love.”

Her unwavering gaze feels like it’s accusing me, making me feel even worse than already.

Probably deciding it from seeing that I had no response, Hiiragi maintained her serious expression and asked again,

“It is because of your past heartbreak, isn’t it? That’s why you always start thinking on that lines every time unwantingly.”

“Nope, I don’t remember ever mentioning anything like that.”

“Don’t try to deceive me after coming so far at this point… Tell me about it already, about that story.”

Hiiragi was stubbornly pressing forth assuming that there was something that had happened, and it was becoming all the more irritating, as she has it all accurate.

Insisting that there’s nothing to it won’t work at all, and the ambience she gives makes me feel that trying to make up a story on the spot would likely be seen through.

“If, hypothetically, I did have a past heartbreak in past like you think, would there be any point in me confessing it to you?”

“Even if a little, it would give you some peace of mind, wouldn’t it? It’s always better than keeping it all closed up in yourself.”

“Is that really how it works?”

“That’s how it works.”

If Hiiragi’s words held true, it would be such a wonderful thing. If just that could lighten this heavy burden of my heart, it is definitely an incredibly appealing proposition.

Since saying nothing or dodging the question won’t work anyway, maybe it’s worth trying to confess it after all.

“…Just promise not to laugh, okay?”

“I won’t laugh at that.”

“Is that so, alright, then—-”

And so, I began to tell Hiiragi…

The story which led me become what I am now.