A Story About a Suicidal Girl Who Attempted Suicide But Got Hindered, and Was Taken Out to Play - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: It’s not genuine

The second May 5th since I gave up my life span. Tuesday. Sunny.

On this day, Ichinose committed suicide for the sixteenth time. 

This time, it was a suicide by jumping off the usual bridge.

By the usual bridge, I meant the bridge where I met the Grim Reaper, along with the place that she committed suicide on originally at first. For a big bridge, it doesn’t have a name and can only be described as the usual bridge.

Ichinose always committed suicide by either jumping off that bridge or jumping off in front of a train. By this time, the amount of time she committed suicide on the bridge is way higher so I’m basically familiar with the way in which she committed suicide in.

I waved my hand as if we had promised to meet before on the bridge and Ichinose greeted me with a blatantly unpleasant, “Hello”.

“I’ll teach you how wonderful it is to live today.”

“Is that so, goodbye.”

“Wait, wait”

I stopped Ichinose who was about to run away by holding her hand.

“You don’t want to go back home again today right?”

“……..Well, that is true.”

“Then come with me to kill some time. If you don’t…….”

“You are about to say you are going to carry me like a princess again, right?”

Ichinose says as if she had given up

Is this what they meant by “heart to heart”? Probably not.

We walk from the bridge to our place of destination.

Ichinose was walking a little behind me. I thought that I might be walking too fast but it seemed that she just wanted to hide behind me.

“We’ve arrived. Today it’s here.”

“You told me we’re here but isn’t this a movie theater?”

I decided that we are going to kill some time in a movie theatre today.

“A suicidal person might recognize how wonderful life is if they saw a movie in a movie theatre.”

I blurted out some ambiguous statement but adjusted them accordingly as always. 

I had been an isolated student in junior high school and high school, so I didn’t have much variety in my conversations. I chose a movie theater where I could easily create a common topic of conversation……. That’s what I meant.

“I see. That is completely impossible.”

I grabbed her hands as she denied what I just said and entered the movie theater.

“I don’t bring any money, you know.”

“I’ll treat you too today so don’t worry.”

“You will only lose your money if you keep treating a person who is about to die, you know.”

“If someone is about to die soon, then they shouldn’t have to show any constraint, right?”

When we entered the theater, we found a dimly lit lobby with a ticket booth, merchandise booth, food concession stand, and a movie trailer playing on the large screen above.

I’ve been to this cinema countless times before but it was more crowded than usual today.

“It’s so crowded even though it’s a weekday” was what I’m bewildered about, but that question was soon resolved.

It’s because today is a day for children.

I hadn’t noticed that we had entered the Golden Week because I have been just trying to keep track of the days of the week since I got my silver watch.

This is the only movie theater in the vicinity, and there is a shopping mall right next to it. During Golden Week, it was inevitable that families with children and groups of students would gather here.

For me, who hates crowds, and Ichinose, who’s concerned about the gaze of people her own age, this situation was undesirable.

Nevertheless, to commit suicide on children’s day.

I thought of that as I looked at Ichinose’s seemingly pure profile beside me.

When Ichinose noticed my gaze, she looked at me as if to say, “What is it?”. I sighed at Ichinose’s complete lack of concern and she got slightly angry and said, “If you have something to say then please say it!”

You get the idea.

“I said something about watching a movie where people die, but if there is a movie that you want to watch then it’s fine.”

“Even if you say that, I don’t know what they are currently screening now.”

“……..I was hoping you would be interested in something other than suicide though.”

I smiled wryly and she said, “Please don’t ask me to do anything unreasonable”.

There was a crowd of people in front of the poster with the screening schedule.

I picked up a flyer with the screening schedule and went outside once to get away from the crowds.

I asked Ichinose to choose a movie to watch from the flyers.

The first thing I suggested was a romantic movie that I had often seen on TV.

The lead actor was a handsome guy, and I proposed the idea with the frivolous preconceived notion that girls would like romantic movies. I had no intention of sticking to a movie where people die but it seemed to be about an incurable disease since I could see that she would die. I thought this would be a good choice, but Ichinose’s reaction was subtle.

“Hm. I don’t really know what love or that sort of thing is, so I’m not sure.”

It felt strange to hear that from Ichinose who could have gotten herself a boyfriend if she went to school normally but at the same time that’s also just like her.

My next suggestion is a movie about a real war.

It’s a movie where a lot of people die. I imagined Ichinose changing her mindset after watching this. “We should be thankful that we were born in a time without war. I’m going to stop on trying to kill myself” was what I hoped for her to say.

I couldn’t imagine it at all.

Ichinose said with a difficult look on her face.

”I’m not really comfortable with bloody/gory topics.”

Coming from someone who commits suicide all the time!

I almost retorted, but managed to keep it under control.

The third one was a little bit unusual. It’s about a beetle who wants to spend Christmas with its female owner.

It is difficult for a beetle, a creature of summer, to live until Christmas. Apparently, the theme of this work is the fragility of life.

If it’s this then she might be able to reflect,

“I don’t like insects so it’s impossible. Please choose another one.”

The beetle movie was an instant kill. Ephemeral.

My next suggestion was a horror movie with ghosts.

A movie in which people are already dead instead of dying. I kept it a secret that I simply wanted to see Ichinose’s look of surprise.

“On the contrary, this kind of film makes you feel more alive.”

“It somehow looks like a scary movie…….”

“Are you bad with ghosts?”

“I know that it was just something made up by humans so I’m not really scared, I think it should be fine.”

“If you’re fine with it, then should we go with this?”

“But, you could tell the difference if there’s a real ghost on the screen…….”

“That’s not what you call okay. It’s a serious illness.”

After that, I suggested an anime about magical girls that small children would watch, and she got angry and said, “Please don’t treat me like a child!” but none of them got a very good response in the end.

In the end, I decided to watch the first romantic movie I suggested because it seemed safe.

On the way back to Ichinose, who was waiting for me in the center of the lobby after I bought tickets, I heard a group of high school boys pointing at Ichinose and saying, “Isn’t that girl cute? “You should talk to her. The person in question seemed to be unaware of this as she was looking at the screen showing the trailer.

As we waited for the screening time, a sweet smell wafted out from the food concession stand.

I wondered if it was the smell of caramel flavored popcorn. Ichinose was also attracted by the smell and looked towards the food concession stand.

“Is there anything you want to eat?” I asked, to which Ichinose replied, “No, thanks,” as if refraining. However, when I saw Ichinose looking enviously at the Churritos the little boy was holding, I decided to get in line.

In addition to the Churritos , I bought some popcorn and handed it to her. At first she was adamant that she didn’t want it, but when I lied and said that I was only getting it because I was a member and I didn’t want it, she accepted it with a smile on her face and said, “It can’t be helped.”

The sight of Ichinose eating Churritos with both hands reminded me of a squirrel or some other small animal.

By the time I finished my Churritos, it was just about time to move to the screen and take a seat.

The lights went out and the trailer started playing. Ichinose, who was sitting beside me, desperately shut her eyes when the trailer for a horror movie came on.

The movie was just a generic romance drama.

This is the story about a high school girl and her boyfriend, who has been told that he has only six months to live, overcome various happenings in their lives. The story ends with the protagonist making up her mind to live for her boyfriend.

To be honest, I didn’t cry because it was so predictable from beginning to end. I was more moved by the synergistic effect of the alternating salty and caramel flavors of the popcorn than the movie.

However, I could hear people sobbing here and there after the film ended. Apparently, there were only a few people who were not moved.

Ichinose, who had said, “I don’t really understand love,” shed a few tears at the end. During the kissing scene, she was hiding her face with her hands.

“Do you now think that it’s wonderful to live?”

I asked Ichinose, who was still crying a little after the movie ended.

“…….A little”

She replied while wiping her tears with her handkerchief.

“That’s good. In that case, will you stop…..”

“I won’t.”

It was an immediate answer.

“So you won’t change your mind even after watching a movie.”

“That’s a given.”

“I’m not asking you to follow the movie, but I want to see you hold on to your life a little longer.”

When I expressed my disappointment, Ichinose said, “Reality and movies are different. The movie you just saw ended there, so it’s just a good story,” sulkily.

I didn’t read the intention of the statement right away because I was expecting a light response like, “No way.”

“And unlike in the movies, I don’t have people cheering me on, saying, ‘I want you to live.’”

“No, I’m right in front of you. I want you to live, and I’ll be sad if you die.”

Ichinose said in bewilderment, “Don’t say something troublesome.”

I said, “Don’t bother. Cry for joy,” he replied.

“I’m not pure enough to be delighted by lies.”

“Where’s the innocence that made you cry just a moment ago?”

After that we discussed our impressions of the movie and decided to call it a day.

“Be careful on your way back.”

“I will not be careful on my way back.”

It was only after the usual exchange that we did when we parted that I finally understood the intent of her words earlier.

She probably put herself and the main character along with the male protagonist who lost her father due to an illness together. 

Like herself who lost her father and family after her mother’s remarriage, the protagonist’s future became dark after losing her loved ones. Ichinose probably thinks that this is the true ending of the story.

Indeed, it is hard to believe that a bright future awaits us just by looking forward.

I wonder if that protagonist will be able to genuinely find love afterwards.

Will there ever be someone more important than a deceased lover?

Doesn’t it make you jealous to see someone who has never lost a lover to sail smoothly through life?

All I could think about was how that person could spend the rest of her life in misery.

Her father died, her friends bullied her, and her mother began to pretend not to see her. Ichinose must have arrived at such an ending because she has seen the way people change after losing their loved ones.

If your dead boyfriend was happier… then it would be similar to how Ichinose and I were.

The me who is desperately trying to keep Ichinose from killing herself from her hard time, and the me who wants to die.

I don’t want it to end the way she imagined, but it’s the same thing as it is now.

At the very least, I want to solve Ichinose’s problems before I die.

I thought about this as I looked up at the bright red sunset sky on my way home.