A Story About a Girl Who Took Life for Granted and Fell in Love With a Kind and Introverted Boy - Chapter 31

…I must take responsibility.

The responsibility for what happened to Kenji-san.

“……………..”

I sat alone in my dimly lit room, holding a cutter in my hand and staring at it.

The sound of the cutter blade being extended clicked repeatedly. Then, I stretched out my left hand and rolled up my sleeve.

“……………..”

I ruined someone’s life.

That fact weighed heavily on my back.

If Kenji-san doesn’t wake up, I will have essentially killed him.

Because, if he never wakes up, that is the same as him being dead. The expectation that he might wake up someday only makes it worse.

Also, even if he wakes up, there’s a chance he could suffer lasting effects. Paralysis, aphasia, and as I researched, many other potential aftereffects could follow.

Living with such aftereffects would be too hard. He wouldn’t be able to live his life as before, and he might not even be able to go to school properly.

I had heard that Kenji-san’s family was poor. So, there would be financial problems as well. Kenji-san and his mother would need a lot of money to survive.

“……………..”

Ah.

I’m sorry.

I shouldn’t be here anymore.

Having done something so sinful, I must receive an appropriate punishment.

I must ruin my own life as well.

Because I ruined someone else’s life, it’s only natural…

Yes, it’s only natural…

“……………..”

I gently brought the cutter blade to my left wrist.

The cold blade rested on my skin.

(I-I must do it… I must do it, I must do it…)

Sweat began to pour from my body.

My fingers trembled uncontrollably.

“……………..”

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the cutter blade… slightly into my wrist.

A sharp pain shot through my left arm.

“Ugh…!!”

The pain was so intense, I instinctively pulled my hand away from the cutter.

The sound of the cutter clattering on the floor echoed.

“Hah… hah…”

The pain throbbed, so intensely that my whole body shook. I had kept my eyes shut, so I didn’t know how deep the cut was, but since it hurt so much, it was probably a deep one.

“……………..”

I cautiously opened my eyes just a little and looked at the wound.

The shame I felt at that moment is something I will never forget.

“……………..”

It wasn’t cut at all.

The skin was barely scratched, and only a small bead of blood appeared. It was about as much as you would see after an injection.

…It hurt so much, though.

It was so painful, my arm was buzzing with it.

Yet, it was only… only this much…

“U… ugh…”

I bowed my head, hunching my back, and cried.

…

Zaaaaa

Outside, in the dark, it was raining.

I stared at the small amount of blood dripping from my left wrist while listening vaguely to the sound of the rain.

How many days had I skipped school? I stopped counting after about ten days.

Even though I’m supposed to be studying for exams, I still couldn’t leave this room.

“…Heh.”

I laughed at myself.

What am I worried about exams for? The person who was about to die shouldn’t be concerned about that.

…I was really just someone who couldn’t make up my mind, wasn’t I?

Knock knock

At that moment, there was a knock on my room door.

I didn’t want to see anyone, so I didn’t respond to the knock. But then I heard my sister’s voice from the other side of the door.

“Miyuki, are you there?”

“……………..”

“I need to talk to you… If you’d like, could you listen?”

“……………..”

I hesitated for a while, but when she said it was an important conversation, I felt I had to listen.

Still sitting where I was, I answered in a quiet voice, “The door’s unlocked.” Then, I heard the door creak open.

…At that moment, I wasn’t sure if it was really my sister standing in the doorway. It was because her hair had been cut into a short style.

Her blonde hair, which used to reach her shoulder blades, was now only about up to her ears. It was a pretty drastic change.

And her expression was more serious than I’d ever seen before, with sharp eyes. I had never seen my sister like this before.

“…Miyuki.”

“……………..”

“…Hmm? Wait, Miyuki… are you…?”

As soon as my sister saw the cutter lying near me, she bent down and immediately looked at my left wrist.

“Wait, wait, Miyuki!? Were you trying to hurt yourself!?”

“……………..”

“Idiot! What were you thinking!? Wait! I’ll get the first aid kit!”

My sister hurriedly ran out of the room, heading to the living room downstairs to grab the first aid kit.

Then, she quickly returned and, in a flurry, took out disinfectant and bandages from the box.

“Uh… how should I use the bandages…?”

While searching for instructions on her phone, my sister wrapped a bandage around my arm.

Honestly, for a wound this small, a simple band-aid would have been enough, but somehow I felt too awkward to say that, so I let my sister do whatever she needed to.

“…Phew.”

The older sister, with bandages wrapped around her arm, wiped the cold sweat from her forehead and sighed. Then, she stared at me and said:

“Miyuki, I… won’t forgive you.”

“……………………”

“If you die here, I’ll never forgive you.”

“……………………”

Unable to endure her gaze, I quietly lowered my eyes to the floor.

“Do you know who Kenji sacrificed himself for?”

“……………………”

“For you, Miyuki. He was hit instead of you. If you die now, what was the point of him saving you?”

“……………………”

I absentmindedly stared at the bandages wrapped around my sister’s arm.

“If you really care about Kenji, you can’t die here. You need to face things and live properly, Miyuki.”

“…You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?”

“You don’t understand how I feel.”

“……………………”

“I’m practically the one who killed Kenji. It’s all my fault.”

“……………………”

“I shouldn’t be alive. I shouldn’t be here. Just… leave me alone.”

“……………………”

“…Ah, if it was going to turn out like this…”

“……………………”

“I should have died in Kenji’s place from the start.”

“────!”

Slap!!

…My sister slapped my cheek with all her strength.

The sting… hurt even more than when I cut my arm with a cutter earlier.

“Idiot!!”

My sister’s angry shout echoed throughout the room.

“Miyuki, you idiot!! Idiot, idiot!! Fool!!”

“…It’s noisy. I don’t need to be told that by you…”

I started to say something, but I couldn’t continue.

That’s because my sister suddenly hugged me tightly.

“………Huh?”

Taken aback by the sudden action, I froze in place.

“Miyuki, you idiot… Don’t say things like you should’ve died…!”

“……………………”

“It’s true that it’s painful that Kenji ended up like that… But… but even if you went through the same thing, it would hurt me…”

“…!”

My sister slowly pulled away from me. That’s when I finally looked into her eyes.

Her eyes were full of tears, and the corners of her mouth trembled as if they were about to break.

“……………………”

“Miyuki, honestly… I hate you.”

“……………………”

“As much as you think it’s your fault, I also think Kenji ended up like that because of you.”

“……………………”

“But at the same time as I hate you… I’m happy that you’re alive.”

“Eh…?”

My sister wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“When we were little… Miyuki, we used to play together in the park, remember?”

“……………………”

“You’d always follow me around, saying ‘Big sister, big sister’…”

“……………………”

“When you were one, I even fed you milk while holding you, you know?”

“Did you?”

“Yeah. While giving you milk, I told you, ‘From now on, I’m the big sister.’ Even though you probably didn’t understand, you smiled at me. I was so happy, I would always beg Mom to let me do it instead of her.”

“……………………”

My sister hugged me again and gently stroked the back of my head.

“Miyuki, I’ve made a decision.”

“…A decision?”

“I’m going to tell the people I love that I love them. Because one day, I might not be able to say it, so at this moment… I need to say it.”

“……………………”

“Miyuki, I love you.”

“……………………”

“I really love you.”

“……………………”

“So, don’t say things like you should’ve died.”

“Big sister…”

I didn’t know what to say. When someone expresses their feelings so honestly, I didn’t know how to respond.

…But.

I was happy.

I was so incredibly happy.

I didn’t know I was thought of like this by my sister.

“……………………”

I looked at the bandages wrapped around my sister’s arm again.

The view slowly blurred with tears, and in the end, I couldn’t see anything anymore.