You Were Stolen from Me, so I Will Live for Myself - Chapter 9

Childhood Friend and Self-Loathing (2)

Yuki’s POV

After a while, I drag my feet and leave the place.

I have no destination in mind, I just can’t bear to stay there any longer.

As I walk, I take out my phone and search for Kanzaki-senpai’s name.

My fingers move over the screen as if moving on their own.

‘I saw you going into a hotel with another girl. Let’s break up.’

A break up message, so short it doesn’t even fill a single line.

I hit the send button and turn off my phone.

The blacked-out screen feels oddly comforting.

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The next day, I can’t focus on anything. I can’t think about anything.

Like a robot, I go to college, eat meals, and sleep. No matter what I do, I just can’t focus on anything. I don’t even know what’s the lecturer talking about. Even when I take notes, I can’t remember what I’ve written.

Eating has become a simple matter of chewing and swallowing, I can’t taste anything.

What’s the point of living…?

I even find myself thinking about such things.

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One day, Kanzaki-Senpai calls out to me.

“Hey, Yuki.”

I’ve already broken up with Kanzaki-Senpai, but it seems that he still hasn’t accepted it.

Even when he calls out to me, I don’t stop walking.

“Wait a minute.”

He grabs my arm, but I don’t care.

I simply shake him off and keep walking.

“…at least listen to what I have to say.”

“……”

I know whatever Kanzaki-senpai says, it isn’t worth listening to.

“Our breakup talk isn’t over yet.”

“It’s over.”

“I don’t think so.”

“…what do you want?”

It doesn’t matter what Kanzaki-senpai has to say.

To me, everything is over.

The moment I lost Yuto, it was all over.

“…hey, are you seriously ending things with me?”

“Yeah.”

Kanzaki-senpai tries to say something, but I’m already facing forward and walking away.

“…I still care about you—”

I never hear the rest of his words. Before I knew it, I’ve put in my earphones. There is no music playing, I’m just using it to block out Kanzaki-senpai’s voice.

Kanzaki-senpai continues to say something, but it doesn’t matter.

Nothing really matters anymore.

What’s tormenting me isn’t what Kanzaki-senpai has done to me, but it’s the guilt I feel towards Yuto.

And even more that, the loathing I feel for myself.

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One day, I’m eating lunch alone in the campus cafeteria.

The noise around me feels distant. I absentmindedly lift my spoon to my mouth and chew on the tasteless food.

The time passes by in a daze.

At some point, the feeling of enjoying a meal has completely disappeared.

Keeping my eyes down, I lift my spoon.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I sense the presence of someone nearby.

Of course, there are always people in the cafeteria.

But for some reason, something feels strange in the back of my mind.

I have no intention of looking up.

However, for no apparent reason, my attention is drawn in that direction.

I lift my gaze slightly…

Yuto is there.

The moment I see him, my heart skips a beat. He is no longer the person he used to be.

His demeanour, the way he walks, the way he laughs with his friends, he seems like someone from a completely different world.

He is no longer the Yuto I once knew.

…ah

All my strength leaves my body.

Ever since I broke up with Kanzaki-Senpai, I’ve thought about it countless times.

What if I run into Yuuto?

What if Yuto is still the same as he was before?

Those ‘what ifs’ are no longer necessary. He has already moved forward.

“…haha.”

Before I knew it, tears are streaming down my cheeks.

I was foolish. I was immature.

In the end, it’s not Yuto who is destroyed by my betrayal, it’s me.

But right now…I mustn’t go back to him. I must not get in Yuto’s way.

He won’t look at me anymore. I can’t imagine myself being someone worthy of being looked by Yuto either.

Yuto doesn’t need a cheater like me.

He is heading towards the future, not the past.

‘…I hope you’ll always find happiness.’

Those words never made it into sound. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, but I don’t even bother to wipe them away.

So that I won’t taint his world. So that he won’t have to see something as filthy as me…

I simply lower my head in silence.