You Were Stolen from Me, so I Will Live for Myself - Chapter 8

Childhood Friend and Self-Loathing (1)

Yuki’s POV

“…he’s truly the worst.”

The moment I witness that scene, those words slip from my lips.

In a quiet alley with few people, I witness something I never wanted to see, the betrayal of the person I trust.

Kanazaki-senpai is walking into a hotel with a girl I don’t know.

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As life get busier after entering university, the distance between me and Yuto grew bigger and bigger.

In the midst of all this, Kanzaki-Senpai is the one who has supported me. He is kind, reliable, and above all, mature.

After being dumped by Yuto, I feel completely empty. That’s when Kanzaki-Senpai confessed his feelings to me. Since I want to fill that hole in my heart, I accepted his confession, and the two of us begin dating as a couple.

He is supposed to be someone special to me.

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‘That’s why…I will trust him. From now on, I will only have my eyes for Kanzaki-Senpai’

I truly thought so.

However, right before my eyes, he is walking into a hotel without hesitation, linking arms with another girl.

“…no way.”

I can feel my legs faltering.

I finally realize how foolish I’ve been. There is no way a man who makes a move on a girl who already has a boyfriend is truly faithful. I feel sick at myself for not realizing something so simple.

‘Sorry, I’ll be busy with my seminar assignment tomorrow.’

That’s what Kanzaki-Senpai told me yesterday.

So, he lied to me…just to meet that girl.

All of our casual conversations now feel like nothing but deception. At the same time, another memory, buried deep within my heart, comes back to me.

…ah, I get it now. This is devastating.

I’ve done the exact same thing to Yuto before.

The only difference was that I was the one who caused this pain to Yuto. I’ve betrayed Yuto, trampled on his feelings, and given my heart to another man.

So, this is how Yuto must have felt back then…

Only now I truly understand how much I’ve hurt Yuto. A sharp pain squeezes my heart.

“…how stupid.”

I let out a bitter, self-mocking laugh.

This is the result of letting go of Yuto and running into Senpai’s arms.

In the end, I’ve lost everything.

What a joke…Kanzaki-Senpai…

What ‘mature and reliable person’…?

He’s nothing but a worthless traitor.

Anger wells up inside me, but this anger isn’t directed at Kanzaki-Senpai.

This anger is directed at myself.

Suddenly, a chill runs down my spine.

…wait, did Yuto really feel the same way as I do?

A completely different emotion from the self-loathing I’ve felt just moment ago comes crashing down on me.

I’m betrayed by Kanzaki-Senpai, but we have only known each other for a year.

Then what about Yuto…? We have been together for nearly twenty years.

Yuto was betrayed by someone he’s been with for twenty years with…that’s not the same as Kanzaki-Senpai, who I’ve only known for a year…

The time I’ve spent with Yuto…we’ve always been together since we were little. I’ve spent more time and was closer to him than anyone else. I even believed that I understand Yuto better than anyone else.

And yet, I’m the one who betrayed him. It was me who shattered Yuto’s trust in me without a single hesitation.

What I’ve done to Yuto is far worse than what Kanzaki-Senpai has done to me. It’s not even comparable.

Yuto must’ve felt even more devastated than this…

Yuto went through such pain and despair. I’m sure even the word ‘sadness’ isn’t enough to describe what he felt at that time…

The more I think about it, the harder it becomes to breathe. My whole body starts trembling.

“…ughhh.”

Tears start to stream down my cheeks.

Betrayed by Kanzaki-Senpai? Feeling sad? Feeling devastated? What a joke.

This is nothing compared to true despair.

This is nothing compared to the pain I’ve caused Yuto.

What is it exactly that I’ve been seeking all along?

I was just lonely, I just wanted someone to lean on for a little while.

Yuto was always by my side, I never realized how precious he is to me until I lost him.

For such a childish reason, I’ve let go of Yuto.

The time I spent with Yuto. The days we shared. The memories we made together.

The one who trampled on all of that is none other than myself.

My legs suddenly give out and I collapse onto the ground. The impact of my knees hitting the ground feels strangely distant.

What consumes me right now is overwhelming self-loathing. It is breaking my heart.

My chest feels tight, I can’t breathe properly.

I realize it now, there is no going back to the past…