You Came with the First Spring Breeze... - Episode 1: Side - Naoko: Unattainable Happiness

Chapter 4: Side Naoko & Tomoya

Episode 1: Side – Naoko: Unattainable Happiness

On the way home, I happened to find a seat on the crowded commuter train. From the window, I gazed at the familiar cityscape, but the fiery sunset unnecessarily made the scene seem overly dramatic, so I instinctively turned my gaze away.

I felt foolish for thinking things like “It’s beautiful” or “How wonderful,” but I couldn’t help it.

The tall buildings lined up in the distance began to glow with honey-colored lights. I thought about how each of them probably housed a happy family, and the realization of my own misfortune hit me hard, almost making me want to cry. The exhaustion of the day weighed heavily on me.

I stood up to offer my seat to a heavily pregnant woman standing in front of me, hoping to somehow increase my self-worth. I smiled widely, practically hearing the voice in my head saying, “See? I’m so kind.” But when I said, “Please, go ahead,” the woman—looking content—sat down without hesitation, rubbing her belly.

I’m tired too, I thought, rubbing my calf while holding onto the handrail.

It had been three days since Tomoya, my ex-boyfriend, dropped off the strawberry crepe and my phone, and I hadn’t heard from him since. I thought that if I went to his apartment, he’d ask me to come back and try again, but instead, he brushed off my hand as I tried to stop him and went off to another woman. How could he? After all the times I begged him to come back.

It was last Friday when it happened.

That day, I came home early feeling sick, only to be greeted by Mita, who had completely lost control. He barged in while I was changing clothes in the bedroom, and without a word, he aggressively clung to me, disregarding my condition.

“No, I’m not feeling well, stop it!”

But it was useless. No one could stop Mita once he was like this. His hot breath trailed down my neck as he forcefully removed my underwear.

“You’re my woman, right? You shouldn’t complain,” he growled.

I was shoved onto the bed with such force that I became numb. Unable to resist his overpowering desire and strength, I simply lay there, face covered by my hands, enduring it, waiting for it to end.

“It hurts… it hurts,” I realized I was saying, crying.

Normally, Mita was gentle, so why was he like this during sex? The thought of it made me deeply sad.

“Damn it,” he muttered, before quickly getting dressed and turning his back to me. “Get out. Don’t come back tonight.”

When did Mita’s violent, selfish sex start becoming painful for me? When we were living together for three years, I got bored of Tomo-kun’s sex, unsure if I was even loved. Mita’s forceful nature had initially been exciting, but now it just hurt.

By June, when the long rains had ended, I missed Tomo-kun’s gentle and considerate love. I couldn’t help but wonder how he was doing, gazing at the grey sky.

I didn’t need to be loved again; I just wanted to talk slowly, to understand each other. But I wondered if that would ever happen.

The train announcement indicated my destination station—Tomo-kun’s neighborhood station.

I got off at the right stop and passed through the ticket gate. The sun had begun to set, but the heat from the day still lingered, making the city uncomfortably hot. After walking a few minutes, I was drenched in sweat, my body not yet used to the temperature after spending the day inside.

I walked toward the sun, automatically clicking my heels as I walked, my steps matching the rhythm.

I stopped at the drugstore. I realized I was running low on toilet paper.

The cool air inside the store felt like a relief to my lungs.

I knew the store well enough to navigate without looking at the signs hanging from the ceiling.

While distracted by some promotional displays, I turned a corner, and then I froze.

There he was—Tomo-kun, in a gray suit, looking like he had just finished work.

And beside him, a woman with a yellow shopping basket—wearing a light blue dress with a deliberately open neckline that accentuated her chest.

I felt embarrassed, looking down at my own plain pantsuit.

That woman, I’d seen her somewhere before. Where was it?

She noticed me and stopped, looking awkward.

“Naoko…” Tomo-kun’s cold voice pierced my chest.

The woman next to him stiffened and nodded at me in a polite greeting.

“It’s a coincidence. I came to buy toilet paper,” I said, forcing a smile. It sounded like an excuse, but it was the truth.

Tomo-kun signaled to his new girlfriend, and handed her the car keys. She nodded and went toward the checkout, clearly headed to the car.

“Is she your new girlfriend?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied without hesitation.

“She’s cute,” I said.

He didn’t answer, just folded his arms.

“Did you follow me?” I asked.

“Huh? No way,” he responded.

If I could, I wouldn’t want to see this, I thought bitterly.

“It’s a coincidence. I just stopped by after work,” he added.

“I see. Well, take care,” I said.

“Is her house nearby?” I asked.

“No, her place is far, but her office is nearby. I just happened to be done around the same time and came to pick her up,” he explained.

This is bad! I can’t smile. The frustration and sadness made me want to leave as soon as possible. I didn’t want to feel any more miserable.

“I guess I should go back too… to my boyfriend,” I said, forcing a tough smile.

“You shouldn’t. He’s a criminal. He can’t make you happy.”

A criminal?

The word echoed in my head as cold blood rushed to my extremities, leaving me numb.