It’s Not Like I Hate It

“Hey sis, welcome back!”

When I got home, I immediately heard Uzuki’s voice calling out to me, which already sounded annoying even from a distance.

Uzuki was busy in the living room eating some snacks while holding her dog, Japii.

I thought about ignoring her and going back to my room quietly, but I felt like I would get in trouble if I didn’t say anything back, so I turned towards the living room.

“Hey, Uzuki.”

“What is it, sis? Is it about Satsuki-senpai?”

“No, It’s not!”

I let out a loud voice, which startled Japii “Woof!” He barked.

“Eh, it isn’t?”

“Well, you’re not that far off….. So I guess you’re not mistaken in a way?”

As a big sister, I have to say this. Uzuki has a habit of jumping to her own conclusions and doing many unnecessary things in return. She’s made a couple mistakes solely due to this in her agent work, and dad gets quite mad at her for it.

I cross my arms and stand in front of Uzuki with a serious face.

“That thing today was just me working on something the teacher had asked me to do, okay?”

“I know. Satsuki-senpai is just a classmate, right?”

“Yes, we’re just classmates.”

Uzuki giggles, and says nothing more and nothing less.

It just so happens to be that Satsuki-kun is a member of the library committee and I just so happen to be on day duty today as well. There is nothing to cover up at all.

“But you were blushing in the classroom, weren’t you, sis?

“It was just very hot in the classroom!”

“Sure it wass!“

Uzuki teases me by pretending to slap my face with her hands.

If I get emotional here, I’ll be in the exact position where Uzuki wants me to be. I put a piece of candy in my mouth to show that I have the presence of a big sister. In times like this, I need sugar to help my brain.

“Ah! That’s Japii’s snack!”

“What…!”

I thought it was a snack, but when I bit into it, it felt strangely fishy.

Ugh, what’s wrong with me!?

“Anyways! Stop messing around, Uzuki!”

“Which one of us is the one messing around here? You ate dog food at the spur of the moment!”

On Uzuki’s lap, who’s trying her hardest to hold back her laughter; Japii squealed, as if she thought her snack had been taken away from her.

“Wh-Who’s getting full of herself here! Mou~!“

The bitterness of the coffee washes away the discomfort in my mouth.

This is not right. I slap my cheeks, thinking that this will ruin my dignity as an elder sister. My face isn’t red, and I’m not flustered at all!

I posture myself neatly again and give my attention to Uzuki.

“Uzuki. Don’t act so goofy when that’s the first time you’re meeting him. Isn’t that disrespectful to Fukase-kun?”

“I don’t care. It’s a good way to communicate with someone.”

Uzuki flatly retorts.

It sounds like an insult to my poor communication skills, and I felt annoyed.

“Even if it is a good way, isn’t that a bit much? Fukase-kun was in distress the entire time.”

“That’s normal. Are you a jomon or something?” (TLN: This is a jomon or smt https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/jomo/hd_jomo.htm )

She brazenly asked Satsuki-kun so many questions and, to top it off, she even held his hand when they had parted. I almost screamed when I saw that, but in Uzuki’s case, it was a little too close for communication.

“All I did was hold Satsuki-kun’s hand by accident when he fell down!”

“Well, there’s an order to do so!”

“What do you mean, ‘order’? Do you want me to start an exchange diary with him?”

“Don’t nitpick at my words!”

Saying this and that. That’s Uzuki’s usual way of speaking, and I always end up not being able to talk back with these moves of hers.

“Satsuki-senpai, he seems like a nice, cool person, don’t you think? He’s kind to a sister like me too and above all, he’s cool.”

Uzuki, who was dressed in half pants, sits cross-legged on the sofa and looks up at me.

“I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Sis, boys like Satsuki-senpai are your type, right?”

“I don’t know!! What are you talking about!”

“So you don’t like Satsuki-senpai?”

“It’s not that I don’t like him, but…”

“Then why don’t you just?”

“What’s that supposed to mean…?”

“What does Uzuki want me to say?” 

It’s as if I’m being subjected to a guided interrogation. I’m not the kind of person to have an agent as a sister.

“You should be more honest with him. You’ve been like that since junior high school, haven’t you? That kind of attitude isn’t cute nowadays! It’s already 2021, right?” (TLN: Cute to me, but idk i’m an incel) (EDN: you probably are, yeah)

“I don’t deserve to have you talk to me like that.”

“Just because you’re an agent doesn’t mean you have to always be one, okay?”

“That has nothing to do with this.”

I felt as if someone was looking straight inside my mind, and I turned my face away.

‘It’s your business, sis, but you don’t have to deny everything. You’ve been tsun-tsun all day, haven’t you? And not just about Satsuki-senpai.”

Uzuki lowers her tone a bit from the bouncy-like voice she had earlier and talks as if she understands how I feel.

She was supposed to be teasing me, but before I knew it, she had lowered her eyebrows and made a concerned face at me. I can’t get mad at her when she looks at me like that.

“Do you enjoy teasing me that much?”

“I’m not teasing you. I’m just trying to support my sister.”

Suddenly, Uzuki’s face turns into a serious one.

“Is that a new kind of sarcasm?”

Unable to take Uzuki’s words in stride, I pout.

“I’m not being sarcastic. It’s the first time I’ve seen you with someone else at school. You’ve always been alone since junior high school, and you don’t have any friends. You’ve always turned down requests from teachers, right? But today you’re…”

“Uzuki!”

I knew what Uzuki was going to say, so I stopped her from going on with it in a louder voice.

At this, Uzuki bent her mouth into a heel and hugged Japii to her chest.

I always try to break the air when something bad is said about me. It was the same when Satsuki-kun asked me so many questions after school.

I’m just trying not to show myself. I don’t want him to find out who I really am inside my heart, so I deny him and everything he asks.

“What do you know about this, Uzuki?”

“I know what I’m talking about! I want you to do what you want to do, sis! I don’t want you to be 

forced to be alone! That’s why I say I’ll support you!”

“It’s none of your business. I’m going back to my room.”

I took Uzuki’s last words in stride and left the living room.

“I don’t get you sis! You’ve had too much coffee, you’ll never fall asleep!”

With Uzuki’s childish abandonment in the background, I put my hand on my chest as I try to climb the stairs.

What I want to do–

I didn’t want to understand what Uzuki was trying to tell me, but I knew.

The person I was at school wasn’t me. Uzuki’s aware of that, too.

That’s why I didn’t want to see Uzuki at school.

The reason why I’m always alone at school is because it’s easier for me to work as an agent that way.

Ever since I entered high school, I’ve been monitoring the vice principal and trying my utmost to not get involved with anyone else. Calling It professionalism may be an exaggeration, but this was my clumsy way of dealing with what I was given.

But Uzuki always acts the same, both at home and at school. She will always be the Uzuki I know. She doesn’t seem to take her work as an agent seriously, and it feels more like a part-time job when she does that.

I don’t blame Uzuki for that. I want Uzuki to remain Uzuki, and that’s why I, as the eldest daughter, have to take over the agent’s job in her stead.

But…

“Even with her support, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

I mumbled softly and leaned my head against the wall.

I was happy to work alone with Satsuki today.

Uzuki was right. If it wasn’t for Satsuki, I would have definitely turned sensei down. I’ve been running away from relationships like that ever since junior high school.

I might have been in a good mood at that time, in that place being alone with him.

But then Uzuki suddenly interrupted me and started to be friendly to Satsuki, so I was a little jealous. She even held his hand. What was that “please call me Uzuki“?

I’m jealous of Uzuki who can say something like that so casually. I was just taking it out on her, wasn’t I?

If I had been more honest, would we have had a more normal conversation with each other?

Maybe tomorrow I’ll have a little more courage and talk to him myself.

Maybe I could at least say hey to him…

When I thought about Satsuki-kun, I heard that sound again from the back of my mind.

My heart is screaming something.

I was beginning to realize that there was already a more positive feeling in my heart than when I last thought about Satsuki-kun.

TL: “”

ED: Spynine01