It’s All Your Fault, Satsuki-kun

“I’m home.”

“Hey sis, welcome home”

Without looking at Uzuki’s face as she was relaxing in the living room, I headed straight to my room.

“Yayoi, are you back?”

I was about to go up the stairs when my mother stopped me for something.

She came out of the kitchen wearing her apron.

“I’m home. I’ll go change real quick.”

Hiding my face with my hair, I ran up the stairs as if to escape from her for the time being.

“I bought a cake for dessert. It’s Yayoi’s favorite!”

I ran into my room, but I ended up being pulled back by the cake from my favorite store.

The first thing I did when I got to my room was put down my bag and check my face in the mirror.

My usual dull face still had a flushed shade present on it. I wondered what my mother would say if she saw me like this. Of course, I’m sure that Uzuki would just tease me as per usual.

Thinking that I was like this in front of Satsuki-kun makes my whole body get warmer. I wonder if my classmates saw me look like this too?

Today, Satsuki-kun was acting a little strange..

During lunch break, he told me he wanted to know more about me…

After school, he invited me to go out with him, this time he said so in front of everyone in the classroom.

It felt as if Christmas and my birthday had come at the exact same time.

“What am I all so excited about! I-I…”

I pressed my cheeks with both hands, but they still felt like they were on fire.

I put my hand on my forehead again and again, thinking that I might have developed a fever. On my way home from school, I passed by my house feeling very lightheaded.

This is all Satsuki-kun’s fault.

At school, I have given up on everything by blocking out my emotions to establish myself as an agent, but I didn’t expect Satsuki-kun to ask me out so boldly…

But, I told myself not to get too carried away with this.

Satsuki-kun only asked me out because he was concerned about me being alone all the time.

‘Do you want to be alone forever?‘

Satsuki-kun’s voice from that time comes back to my mind.

It was a cruel question to ask me.

I have only one answer to this question.

I am an agent.

But I couldn’t say that to him, so I had to keep quiet.

That’s how I’ve been trying to suggest it to myself, but I can’t fool myself anymore.

There’s something more precious than words being glued to the surface like that.

I think this sound that has been ringing inside my heart for the past six months is the real truth behind my feelings.

“I’m going to go out with Satsuki-kun…”

Whilst alone in my room, I mumble quietly to confirm that I wasn’t dreaming.

Yesterday, Uzuki had told me something like this too.

She said I should do what I want to do.

Do I look that incompetent to her? Do I look like I’m holding myself back?

I just want to live my life like a normal high school girl, even though I’m an agent.

…What is it like to be a typical high school girl?

Isn’t it like going on dates with the boys in your class?

I have no idea if that’s the case, but it’s what I wanted to do right now. I wonder if this is the so-called ‘destiny’ of them?

It makes me want to believe in that thing Uzuki said one day about ‘fate’.

“Is this… a date?”

A question suddenly popped into my mind.

Going out with boys on your day off…. Isn’t this what you call– a date?

As soon as I put it into words, something flipped inside me.

I thought dating was something that only happened in dramas and comic books and had nothing to do with me, who is an agent.

“What should I do now…?”

I agreed to it on the spur of the moment, but I finally realized the gravity of the situation.

A date, what do people do on a date?

I had a few chats with Satsuki-kun, but they were all just spur-of-the-moment conversations, and Uzuki was there between us too. What should I talk about on a date where I’m alone with him?

Where would we go together on a date? Do we have dinner or something? Eh, and then? Where do we…? (TLN: You and I know damn well where this leads to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

As I wandered around the room, my head began to boil as I daydreamed about the end of the date.

Ki-kiss…?!

I quickly covered up my face with my hands and bit my lip.

No, no, no! Don’t think such weird thoughts! That’s already beyond the boundaries of a first date!

I fell onto the bed and rolled over repeatedly, which resulted in me slamming my head against the opposite wall.

“Ouch~…”

I get up while rubbing my bruised head.

Don’t worry, this is just like how doing a job as an agent works; let’s see, there’s no distinct set of objectives. No target prep, no data and–

No, Satsuki-kun’s not a target…

Oh no, the more I think about it, the more confused I become. Now I feel like I have a really high fever.

I take off my uniform to change and calm down for now. I grabbed my usual black hoodie that was folded on the bed, and my blood ran cold.

“I-I have no clothes to wear!”

I can’t help but scream out loud.

Unable to sit still, I spin around the room in a figure-eight motion like what Japii would do when playing around.

I open the closet whilst in my underwear and find that the clothes hanging in there are completely black. Moreover, they were all just jerseys, hoodies, sweatshirts, etc. These are clothes that might be perfect for doing any agent work during the night, but none of them were clothes that I could properly wear on a date. The fact that I had always chosen clothes based solely on the ease of movement and discreteness had backfired hard on me here.

I pulled out every piece of clothing I could find in the closet, and laid them out on the bed and floor, it just served to make the room look really black.

“What am I going to do…?”

It’s just as I expected, I can’t go on a date wearing a jersey… neither can I wear all this pitch black looking clothes…

It’s not just the color though. I don’t even own a skirt, and I’ve never really worn a girly dress. The only bottoms that I could just barely wear on the date were my black skinny jeans.

I sat down on the bed and looked up to the heavens.

Should I go there in my uniform? No, no. That could work for a scenario after school, but on a day off…?

Do I want to turn him down now? But I don’t even know Satsuki-kun’s contact information…

“Hah…“

Somehow today’s sigh felt a bit different than usual.

It was unusual for me to worry about something other than work. And to be worried about what to wear on a date was just like being a normal high school girl.

Fufu, a small laugh leaked out of my mouth. No, no, no! This is not the time to laugh!

As I was ashamed of my naturally flushed cheeks, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs with a thud.

“Sis, I’m going to eat the cake soon, so hurry up and come downstairs!”

The door to the room was opened forcefully, and Uzuki entered without my permission.

“Wait, you’re not allowed to…!”

“Sis, what are you doing?”

Seeing the disaster in my room, Uzuki frowned.

Clothes thrown all over the room and me in my underwear, my face was reddening at the sight of being exposed.

It’s really not like me, is it…

“Sis, I heard you have a date tomorrow!”

“Wai-, Uzuki!”

I went down to the living room to eat the cake that my mom had bought for me, and Uzuki quickly blurted out something very unnecessary.

When Uzuki saw me pulling out all my clothes and worrying about them, I couldn’t find an excuse and spilled the beans about my date with Satsuki-kun.

“Oh my, that’s rare.”

Mom glanced at me and smiled as she set out the plate of cake.

I swallowed down my awkward thoughts with a cup of tea.

“That’s why you were so worried that you didn’t have any clothes to wear! You’re so cute, sis!”

“I’m not worried at all!”

I can only deny it to Uzuki, who shakes her head as she was mimicking how I was in my room.

“Yayoi, you’ve always liked black clothes ever since you were little.”

“It’s not that I like them a lot…”

Whenever I thought about work, I always chose clothes with an emphasis on convenience and functionality. I didn’t go to any fashionable cafes or hang out with friends. Anything worked as long as it fit.

I still wear black jerseys and bottoms, but I still get jealous of the gorgeous strawberries in the shortcake.

“They’re so black that I wonder what kind of dark organization you belong to, Sis.”

“Shut up!”

Uzuki, who’s an agent herself, says something that irks me.

“So what are you going to do? Are you going on a date dressed like a pitch-black ninja? You look like a kunoichi who just left her ninja village for the first time in her life! It’s a date, that is, kyaa~!”

I couldn’t help but get angry at Uzuki for finding my predicament amusing, but I had nothing to say back to her in return.

“Why don’t you go shopping for clothes together then?”

Mom said so, whilst staring at my pitch-black attire.

Kinoshita Koyomi.

Mom organizes all the agent work for this family of mine. Although she’s not involved in the actual work like my father and sister, she receives offers from clients and manages the Kinoshita family’s agent work, including negotiating and deciding whether or not to take on any specific project.

My mother wears a sweater that’s so open at the neck that you can see her collarbone clearly, and a thin silver necklace shines around her neck.

She has a style like a foreign model, big eyes, is beautiful and stylish, and has a glamorous look that makes it hard to believe that she’s my mother. And she’s also so kind.

“Since it’s your date, why don’t you let Satsuki-senpai pick it out for you?”

Uzuki’s just trying to be funny, giving me unnecessary advice.

“But I don’t have clothes to go clothes shopping on that date!”

I say to myself and feel really pathetic.

I hear Uzuki and my mother sigh. Even my family feels sorry for me.

“Yayoi has reached the age where she has to worry about being fashionable, hasn’t she?”

Mom smiles at me with her cheekbones stretched out.

“You’re in the second year of high school, Sis. You shouldn’t be so serious. If it were the Edo period, you’d definitely be married by now.”

“Shut up, Uzuki!”

I tell off Uzuki, who always has so many words to say to me.

Why does she seem to be having more fun than me right now? No, she’s just teasing me.

“Hmph, I’m just going to put on my uniform.”

I felt embarrassed that I was worried about something like this. It doesn’t suit me and I hate it, but I have no choice but to go in my uniform to not make me look bad.

“Sis, that’s just like saying you don’t have any clothes to wear on a date! Besides, boys get excited at the prospect of seeing you in your casual clothes! You can’t take away the boys’ hopes and dreams.”

“I don’t know anything about that. Fukase-kun is not like that…”

“What do you know about Satsuki-senpai? What, has he already confessed or…?”

“O-o-o-o-o-of course not!”

I desperately denied her words. If I bothered this with Uzuki, my rhythm would be disturbed.

I’m not going to talk about this in front of mom.

“You have a habit of staring at Satsuki-senpai, so you should at least wear something cute for him.”

Uzuki said in a whisper.

“Wait, what do you mean by that?”

“Whenever you make eye contact with Satsuki-senpai, you always glare at him, don’t you? That’s not a good impression, so don’t do it tomorrow.”

Uzuki wrinkles her eyebrows and pretends to glare at me as she says that.

“Really…? Do I glare at him?”

She points it out, and I can’t help but feel a little tense around my brow.

Not only does my face turn red in front of him, but I’m also apparently glaring at him? You’re lying, aren’t you?

“Was that an unconscious move? You’re really not being honest with him, Sis. You’re like a schoolboy who’s mean to someone he likes!”

“I told you it’s not like that!”

I cover my mouth with my hand as I turn my face away.

Come to think of it, I think that Satsuki-kun often had a half-smile and scared expression on his face whenever his eyes met mine.

Was that because I was glaring at him?

“Let me lend you my clothes! You know, a big sister’s shame is also a little sister’s shame! I’ll bring it to you, so just wait a minute!”

After swallowing the cake, Uzuki ran back to her room.

I’m no longer in the mood to decide what clothes I should wear. I’m feeling so embarrassed that my face is on fire from the discovery of the me that I didn’t know about.

How am I going to meet Satsuki-kun with a straight face tomorrow…?

“Is his name Satsuki-kun, that boy?”

As my mother, who had been gently watching our argument, uttered that name, the back of my mind shook.

“Yes, but… Uzuki is just exaggerating, we’re just going out for a bit. It’s not like a date or anything, really…”

I reach for the second cake as if to cover my true feelings up.

I can also reveal a little bit of my true feelings to my mom. She’s always thinking about me. I’ve been able to continue to be an agent so that I don’t make my mom sad.

“You didn’t say anything about that recently.”

She smiles at me, and I pout back.

“You’ve changed, haven’t you?”

Suddenly she says something like that and I look up at her.

“I haven’t changed. I’m…”

I take a bite of the cake as if to shrug it off quietly. The sweetness of the whipped cream and the tartness of the strawberries gradually spread out.

“There is nothing wrong with changing. Yayoi’s feelings are hers and hers alone, and your life is yours to decide.”

Leaning back in her chair, my mom smiles gently at me.

I feel as if my heart has been touched by her sweet words.

Maybe she knows that I’m feeling unsure about it. Or that I really don’t want to be an agent.

“I’ll lend you my clothes, don’t worry. It’s better than leaving it to Uzuki’s sense of style, don’t you think?”

This time, my mother winks at me, as if trying to dismiss my earlier feelings.

If it’s my mom’s sense of style, I have nothing to worry about…

“Is it okay to… I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Of course it’s okay.”

“But I don’t know what to do…”

“You can do what you want to do. If you don’t have fun, Satsuki-kun will be sad.”

At my mother’s words, I drink a cup of cold tea to calm my mind. The sweetness in my mouth gradually disappears.

Do what I want to do…

“…So?”

“Tomorrow you can forget about everything in your life and just have fun.”

She affirms me with those words.

“I was so happy to see your face turn red and you were glaring at him too. That’s just you being very honest, Yayoi.”

Fufufu, my mom laughed at my actions.

“I’m an honest person…”

“Sis, how about something like this?”

Uzuki comes running down the stairs at a trot, interrupting mom’s conversation with me.

As soon as she entered the living room, she raised the clothes she had brought for me above her head.

“A shark hoodie! It’s super cute! It’s oversized so even you can wear it with no problems!”

The large gray hoodie has the word “SAME” printed on the chest in an illustration of a shark, and the hood is decorated with jagged fangs.

Uzuki’s big smile makes my head hurt.

“…Mom, can I borrow your clothes?”

“…Okay.”

My mom and I looked at each other and tilted our heads down at my sister’s fashion sense.

I borrowed a spring-like light blue flared skirt from my mom and decided to wear a white blouse over it. She said I should go for a brighter color, but even this is too dazzling for me.

I tried it on in my room and looked at it in the mirror.

I am just as tall as my mom, so the size fits me perfectly.

Perhaps it’s because I’m used to a black figure, but I can’t look at it directly. The ribbon on the waist of the skirt alone is just barely brave enough to make me wear it.

I had never worn a skirt outside of my school uniform, so it was something very new for me. I ended up spinning around like a model. The softly billowing skirt seems to be filled with hope. It makes my heart flutter.

Imagining walking beside Satsuki in such an outfit makes my face hot again.

Today, in front of everyone, he asked me out so openly. Of course I was embarrassed, but more than that, I was happy.

It’s not me as an agent who has such thoughts.

Is this the real me?

I felt much better after my mom’s words earlier.

She told me that I could decide my life for myself. She said I should do what I want to do.

The rest is up to me.

I have a date with Satsuki-kun……

I’ll do my best tomorrow.

I may not be able to stop my face from turning red, but I really need to stop glaring at him.

I rub my fingers between my eyebrows and blink repeatedly.

I have a lot of things to tell him. Yes. Maybe I should ask Satsuki-kun about that?