The True Yayoi-chan.

On my way home back from Kinoshita’s house.

As I boarded the monorail from Johoku Station, all I could think about in agony was Yayoi-chan.

Yayoi-chan is holding herself back, she’s not able to do the things she really wants to do. It is the same with her not making any friends in class.

She’s holding herself back purely due to her work as an agent, which she doesn’t want to do.

I guess it’s the same for me, too, not being able to do the things I want to do…

As I held on to the strap, I looked at my reflection in the window and remembered what had happened just six months ago. I had looked this pathetic on that day, too.

It was the day of the freshman school festival.

Every year at the Otomachi High School Festival, it was customary for alumni to actively participate in the club presentations. This freedom was a characteristic of the Otomachi Festival.

Last year, a graduate was supposed to participate in the gymnasium as a special guest.

Mayo Shiraishi, a soprano singer.

After graduating from Otomachi High School, she went on to an exceptional music college and is now a professional singer, she’s active in operas and various concerts. This was her first triumphant return to her alma mater, and she was the talk of the town amongst every student.

One week before the festival, however, things changed.

The music teacher who was supposed to play the piano had injured her right hand.

For some reason, I was asked to fill in for her.

In fact, Mayo-senpai was a student of my mother’s piano class, and I knew her, too, though we were not so close in age.

“Satsuki-kun, are you still playing the piano?”

Mayo-senpai contacted me through my mother.

She was three years older than me, and her piano skills had been outstanding ever since we took piano lessons together in elementary school. My mother, who’s also a teacher, immediately recognized Mayo’s talent and even introduced her to a more famous piano school.

However, Mayo-senpai had no intention of concentrating on the piano and had decided to pursue vocal music in the future instead.

I remember the first time I heard Mayo sing, I was astonished. I felt her aura emanating from her whole body.

The song she was going to sing at the festival was a Donaudi song, which was not a difficult song to sing with a piano accompaniment. (TLN: Stefano Donaudy was an Italian composer. Born in Palermo to a French father and an Italian mother, he was active in the 1890s and early 20th century, at a time when Palermo enjoyed a period of relative splendor under the influx of rich Anglo-Sicilian families such as the Florios and Whitakers.)

“I thought Satsuki-kun could play this kind of song.”

I checked the score and it looked like I could practice and play in a week.

“It’s nothing much. I’m good at playing the piano.”

I readily agreed. But I had no idea at the time that these words would come to weigh heavily on me later on.

She said, “That’s very encouraging. Then, I’m counting on you, aren’t I?”

Mayo-senpai smiled at me with satisfaction.

I was confident in my piano skills and eager to test my abilities too.

My classmates didn’t know that I played the piano, and I had this cheap fantasy that this festival would make me a little popular.

Maybe I also had an ulterior motive of wanting to show Mayo-senpai how cool I was.

As I practiced hard until the festival performance, I was able to play without any problems. In my mind’s eye, I had a perfect performance, and I could see the audience in the gym applauding.

But the result was a disaster.

As soon as I went on stage, my eyes went completely white. To be more precise, I lost all color.

I had never played the piano in a big concert before. My mother was a piano teacher, and I had been playing ever since I was a child, so I was proud to say that I was reasonably good at it. In fact, the students at my mother’s piano lessons would often take a glance at me and say, “As expected of the teacher’s son,” and I believed them.

But I thought it was lame to attend recitals, so I continued to play alone. To me, that was the coolest thing ever, being a solitary pianist.

I had the confidence, but not the experience. It was my first time playing in front of a packed house like this, and it was inevitable that I would be nervous.

Before I knew it, I was sitting at the piano, and before I knew it, Mayo-senpai was also on stage. I didn’t even hear the applause from the audience.

“Are you okay?”

Mayo-senpai whispered to me, and I tried my best to smile in response. I was so nervous that I couldn’t speak.

The keyboard in front of me felt so far away that I could not reach it even if I reached out my hand. When I frantically touched it, it was so cold and everything was so different from usual.

I had been playing the piano by myself for a long time. I thought that if there was only me and the piano, the world was essentially complete. But that day, it was as if the piano was rejecting me.

I realized.

I wasn’t playing the piano for anyone to listen to. I had only been playing it for myself. I hadn’t imagined to whom I wanted to deliver this sound to.

Suddenly, a sense of loneliness overtook me.

The piano in front of me, Mayo-senpai, and the audience were all moving away from me.

I couldn’t put my heart into the performance that had started before I knew it. My head and fingertips were not connected at all. It was like watching a video of someone else’s performance on YouTube.

“Ah!”

I made a fingering mistake and played the wrong note. This triggered the sheet music to fly off and I stopped playing.

The audience was buzzing, but I didn’t hear anything. There was no room for that in my head.

There were only my ten unmoving fingers and the eighty-eight keys that were out of tune standing still in front of me.

I don’t remember much after that. I found myself sitting on a pipe chair offstage, clutching a plastic bottle of water.

After I failed, Mayo-senpai, who sensed something was wrong, apparently sang the song out in a cappella.

She said, “Thank you, Satsuki-kun. You were good.”

After the performance was over, Mayo followed up with that, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

I had been so confident in my piano skills, but I had ruined it all.

I had no face to show to Mayo-senpai, and I couldn’t even apologize to her.

I was just too depressed to apologize. But it was true that I had caused her trouble, and I wanted to know her true feelings, so I used psychometry.

‘Hahh… I was so happy to make a triumphant return to my alma mater too.‘

What I heard then was Mayo-senpai’s deep sigh and disappointment.

It’s not Mayo-senpai’s fault. The actuality was that the concert was destroyed by an amateur like me, it’s only natural to feel that way. She trusted me and selected me, but I didn’t return the favor back properly.

It wasn’t just Mayo-senpai. I used psychometry on my teacher and classmates as well.

The teacher said, “Good job,” but what I really heard from her heart was, ‘It was still too heavy a load for Fukase.’

My classmates praised me, saying, “I didn’t know you could play the piano. It’s amazing,” but the truth is, ‘You were failing so badly‘.

That day, all I could do was run away from the gymnasium.

After that day, I stopped playing the piano.

I don’t play it at home at all, and even Sanae thinks I’m acting quite strange these days.

It’s not that I dislike the piano, and even now, during class, I can still move my fingers spontaneously.

However, I couldn’t bring myself to actually play it. Instinctively, I avoided the piano.

This regret that lingers in my heart has remained with me for a very long time.

“…Hah“

As soon as I arrived at the nearest station and got off the train, the sigh I had been holding back had leaked out.

Even now, I remember that mistake vividly.

It was the same as when Yayoi-chan-chan had Donaudi’s CD at the Power Records.

It was all a failure brought on by my pride and carelessness. If I had practiced a bit more, that wouldn’t have happened. If it was just me who was embarrassed it would be fine, but the fact that I had caused trouble for Mayo-senpai weighed heavily on me.

I knew that sneaking a peek at people’s feelings through psychometry wouldn’t do me any good.

I just wanted forgiveness. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t my fault.

But after hearing Mayo-senpai’s true feelings and sighs, I just ran away. Even now, I continue to run away from everything.

I don’t even play the piano that I loved so much anymore.

I wonder if Yayoi-chan has always felt this way too.

On the way home from the station.

I want to do something for Yayoi-chan, who thinks I’m cool.

I know that life is no fun when you can no longer do the things you want to do.

The next morning, I took a small deep breath before entering the classroom.

Inside the classroom, it was business as per usual. A group of people chatting in a group. A group of boys frantically working on an assignment due today. A girl on day duty carrying a vase of flowers with a new water container. Some of them were scribbling on the blackboard behind them.

And Yayoi-chan was sitting by the window reading a book as always.

Everything was a very familiar scene in this second-year seventh-grade classroom.

Nobody talks to Yayoi-chan anymore. Her ‘Stay away from me’ aura was so well recognized by her classmates that even Mayama was scared of her now.

I also avoided talking to Yayoi-chan in the classroom. I thought it was for Yayoi-chan’s agent’s sake that I shouldn’t do so.

But it wasn’t. Yesterday, after hearing Uzuki’s story, my view about her had changed completely.

Yayoi-chan doesn’t really want to be alone. She’s just holding back from the things she wants to do.

“…Alright.”

I looked at her back, put on one of my spirits, and entered the classroom.

Then I walked in a straight path to Yayoi-chan’s seat.

“Good morning, Kinoshita-san.”

I greeted Yayoi-chan as I approached her desk.

“Oh, good morning?”

Yayoi-chan reflexively returned my greeting, but immediately blushed and returned her gaze back to her book. She seemed surprised that she had even reacted to my words.

Our classmates also seemed shocked that Yayoi-chan had returned the greeting.

The classroom was quiet and still. I returned to my desk as if nothing had happened.

“What’s wrong, Satsuki?”

Mayama, who had arrived unusually early, immediately came up to my desk.

“Oh, Mayama. Good morning.”

I put my textbooks in my bag on my desk, and responded to Mayama who looked like a pigeon that had gotten hit by a peashooter.

“It’s not a good morning. Why’d you greet Kinoshita-san so suddenly?”

Mayama points to Yayoi-chan at the window with his thumb in a hushed voice.

“It’s no big deal. You’re overreacting just because I greeted her just now. We’re classmates, right?”

“No, well, I guess we are.”

Mayama still looked like he wanted to say something back to me, but he scratched his head and returned to his seat. It was kind of interesting that our positions seemed to have reversed from the last time we spoke.

I wanted to do something for Yayoi-chan, who was holding herself back from doing what she wanted to do.

I don’t believe a hundred percent of what Uzuki-chan had told me, and I don’t know what the right answer to the scenario is either.

As for her, Yayoi-chan may have her own family situation to worry about, and I can’t just simply tell her to quit her job. I don’t know what Yayoi-chan wants to even do right now.

So, for the time being, I won’t let Yayoi-chan be alone.

I wanted her to be able to enjoy her time at school without being overwhelmed by everything.

It may only be a small effort, but I started working to create an environment where I could get along with Yayoi-chan and not have to force myself on her.

I was very enthusiastic about this plan… but it wasn’t going to be that easy.

After all, I was up against the formidable Yayoi-chan. Her ‘stay away from me’ aura was no joke at all.

There was no way that my greeting would immediately shorten the distance between me and my classmates, and in fact, Yayoi-chan had just become even more wary of me. Now her aura was even more prevalent, and if I approached her carelessly, I was sure I would be cut to pieces.

And then lunch break had arrived.

Not wanting to give up at this point, I headed to Yayoi-chan’s seat to have lunch together.

“Kino-……”

Slam! Was it first for me to call out to her or for Yayoi-chan to get up from her seat?

Yayoi-chan left the classroom with her lunch box. It was as if she was running away from me.

I stared at her back, and slowly made my way back to my seat.

I wonder if the fact that she went home yesterday is still lingering in her memory.

I thought I’d try to gradually shorten the distance between us in this classroom, but was I in too much of a hurry?

“Satsuki, let’s eat lunch.”

Mayama moved to my desk with a chair, carrying a loaf of bread from a convenience store.

‘You tried to ask Kinoshita-san out, but she got away, didn’t she?

Apparently, Mayama had seen me. The part where she completely ignored me and rejected me, instead of me asking her out.

“That’s right…”

“You didn’t deny it today? Did you eat something weird?”

Mayama was surprised when I easily admitted it.

“Kinoshita-san, she’s been alone for a long time. It’s been more than two weeks since we started this class, and no one even talks to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to us, so it can’t be helped, can it? That ‘don’t approach’ aura can’t speak to anyone after all.”

Even Mayama, who’s already the center of the class, is reluctant to speak to her. He was very excited to talk to her at first, but then she ignored him again and again, which was very hard on him.

“I’m sure Kinoshita-san’s attitude is one thing, I think Kinoshita-san is actually lonely, too”

I know Yayoi-chan’s circumstances as an agent, so her feelings about her classmates are a little different.

But I’m struggling with Yayoi-chan’s communication skills as well.

Then Mayama smirked and giggled as he opened a bag of bread.

“What’s with that smirk…?”

“No, I just thought that it was unusual.”

“What do you mean?”

“Satsuki worrying about someone like that.”

Mayama pointed out, and I frowned.

“You always look like you don’t care about anyone.”

I’ve never been one to actively enter into other people’s minds because of my psychometric abilities.

“I’m not worried, I just wish we could all get along better. Because I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be in the same classroom, ignoring someone and being ignored as well.”

“On the first day of school, when I tried to talk to her, she told me to leave her alone.”

There was another reason for that, but that was a long time ago now.

“I don’t know if it bothers her if someone talks to her.”

Talking in the classroom could interfere with her work as an agent.

I am beginning to wonder if what I am trying to do is really for Yayoi-chan’s benefit.

Don’t be discouraged. If you fail, you can start all over again. Only you can reset your failures.

Beside me, who was eating a fried egg in my lunch box and had no appetite, Mayama opened the third bag of bread and said,

“No one knows how Kinoshita-san truly feels, so you just have to do it over and over again until you understand.”

“Kinoshita-san and how she feels…”

I felt like my heart was being pounded out of my chest by Mayama’s words.

I’ve been taking the liberty of psychometrically peeking into Yayoi-chan’s feelings, and even asking Uzuki-chan about the situation.

I just know about Yayoi-chan’s secret.

That’s before there was any communication between us whatsoever. I was just one-sidedly peeking into someone else’s life.

It was the same with Mayo-senpai. I was cheating using my psychometry. As a result, I ran away from her when I found out the truth. If I had talked to Mayo-senpai properly at that time, I might have still been playing the piano today.

All along, I was just trying to seek results all on my own, without facing anyone else properly. And I had come to the conclusion of failure all by myself.

I’ve never been able to face Yayoi-chan properly.

“…Yeah, you’re right.”

I put down my chopsticks and stood up at Mayama’s casual comment.

“Oi, what’s up, Satsuki?”

“Right. Either I do it or I don’t.”

I clenched my left fist.

“Hey, if you don’t wanna eat this, I’ll have your lunch on your behalf.”

I raised my thumbs toward the hungry Mayama and went after Yayoi-chan.

I’m going to face her head on and talk to her properly.

It was not so difficult to find Yayoi-chan who ran out of the classroom. All I had to do was look for her in a place where no one else would be around.

“Kinoshita-san!”

I found Yayoi-chan on a small bench at the end of the piloti. As expected, there was no one around and she was seated all by herself. She had already finished eating her lunch and was just finishing an after-meal dessert, Éclairs.

Yayoi-chan noticed me, gave up on her dessert, and quickly tried to leave.

“Kinoshita-san, wait a minute! I need to talk to you!”

I hurriedly approached Yayoi-chan.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

Yayoi-chan stood up with her back turned to me, her voice very cold.

“You don’t have to run away.”

“I’m not running away.”

“Then let’s talk about it.”

“What did Uzuki say to you?”

“…Nothing?”

It was just yesterday when that happened, so it was understandable that Yayoi-chan was suspicious.

Finally, Yayoi-chan turned around. Her eyes, which would normally be staring at me, were wandering about in the air.

“I was curious because you’re always alone.”

“It’s not up to you to decide that, is it?”

She held her cheeks with both hands and turned away again.

Today, instead of glaring at me, she wouldn’t even look at me.

“Does it bother you if I talk to you?”

“It’s not like that, but…”

“Then what is it? We’re classmates after all.”

Yayoi-chan kept her back to me and didn’t answer anything.

“Why don’t you talk to everyone a bit more?”

“…I don’t know anything about you, Fukase-kun.”

The reply, which was not an answer, was laced with bitterness.

You don’t really want to be an agent, do you?

You don’t want to be alone in the classroom either, do you?

How much easier it would have been to hear that from her mouth.

I guess it’s the same for Yayoi-chan too. She suffers because she can’t reveal her secret. She’s bound by the secret of being an agent and is unable to be honest.

“Hey, do you remember? Here.”

I turned to Yayoi-chan’s back and tried to change the subject.

She didn’t respond, but I continued speaking, believing she was listening to me.

“We met here, right? The both of us.”

It was the afternoon of last year’s festival that we had met.

Yayoi-chan’s class had a stall at the café here.

It was Yayoi-chan who was manning the stall at the time.

“We didn’t talk, or rather, we didn’t really have a conversation either, so Kinoshita-san probably doesn’t remember it.”

I was so nervous about meeting Yayoi-chan for the first time that I scattered the contents of my wallet all over her.

The wooden bench that Yayoi-chan had been sitting on earlier had been placed just where that café had been.

“I remember… Fukase-kun, dropped some coins.”

“Yeah, that’s right… I’m a dork, aren’t I?

 Yayoi-chan’s shoulder also shook a little bit, which made me feel relieved.

Yayoi-chan, too, gazes nostalgically at that bench. The bench on which our gazes meet is where it all began.

I touched Yayoi-chan’s hand to catch some coins, and did some psychometry by accident.

That was the beginning of it all.

“You were alone then too, weren’t you?”

“……”

When I returned to this topic, Yayoi-chan didn’t reply back.

I was not going to get anywhere at this point, so I went in front of her.

Yayoi-chan tried to escape, but I blocked her path.

“Kinoshita-san, are you sure you want to stay the way you are? Do you really want to be alone forever? Isn’t there anything you want to do?”

Yayoi-chan kept her face down, she was not even glaring at me, she just kept avoiding my gaze the whole time.

I don’t want to see Yayoi-chan looking sad, and it pains me to think that I was the cause of it.

“I don’t know anything about Kinoshita-san. I don’t know anything about you, so I want you to tell me more about yourself.”

I asked her softly.

At that moment, a gust of wind came rushing through the pilotis.

If the real Yayoi-chan is on the other side of this wind, wait for me.

I’ll come get you.

“……I just want to know the real Kinoshita-san.”

Before I knew it, Yayoi-chan’s face had turned bright red. Her closed lips were trembling slightly.

“I don’t have anything else I want to do. I’m going to go now.”

Yayoi-chan put her hand on her cheek and ran off, making some unusual clattering sounds on her way back.

“Yayoi-chan…”

When I couldn’t see her anymore, I mumbled her name.

I can’t give up just yet.

Not for myself, but for someone else. For the first time I was looking for something I could do for someone else.

The afternoon classes were over while I was thinking about it, and it was the time after school.

The classroom was noisy, probably because tomorrow was the beginning of the weekend.

Usually I would have no plans for the weekend, I would just end up at home reading books and doing some stuff on the internet.

But today was different.

With a certain resolve in my heart, I headed for Yayoi-chan who was getting ready to leave.

I was going to make my move before Yayoi-chan noticed my presence and ran away.

“Kinoshita, do you want to go out tomorrow?”

“Hahhh!“

Yayoi-chan let out a strange sound and jumped up a few centimeters away from her chair.

From somewhere, a voice that sounded like a classmate’s scream came from somewhere, and Mayama had been knocked over from his chair.

I had just asked Yayoi-chan out in the classroom with dignity.

“Seriously, what’s up with Fukase today?”

“Does he have a fever? Did he just ask Kinoshita-san out on a date?”

“Is he trying to die? Is he suicidal?”

I’m not!

My classmates whispered about me, worried about something that they don’t need to worry about.

“What are you talking about, Fukase-kun?”

Desperately trying to regain her usual cool, Yayoi-chan squeezed out her voice while touching her hair repeatedly. She was indeed not able to ignore the fact that I had asked her out so openly.

“I’m going to go out with you tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“N-no, it’s not okay…”

Yayoi-chan, as expected, did not push me away and leave.

“Then I’ll be waiting for you at the Hondori station tomorrow at eleven o’clock!”

I forcefully made a promise to meet up with her.

“No, no, you can’t just decide that… on your own.”

“Is that okay?”

I looked straight at Yayoi-chan, whose eyes were swimming about here and there, and her cheeks immediately began to flush.

Her long eyelashes blinked, and then she gave a small shake of her head.

“See you tomorrow!”

I promised, and dashed out of the classroom.

“Fukase-kun?”

My heart was racing at Yayoi-chan’s impatient voice and the screams of my classmates melted away after school.

I can’t make her quit as an agent.

But I could create an environment in class where she could get along with everyone normally.

I couldn’t just run away from her because of something I couldn’t see, such as a ‘stay away’ aura. I will take the initiative and break down Yayoi-chan’s barriers.

This is what I can do.

I thought I couldn’t see the moon in the daytime, but that’s just because of the way the light shines around it, making it invisible on its own. I look at it from afar and assume it’s a crescent moon or a half moon, but the moon is always round and its shape never truly changes.

Yayoi-chan is the same. She may not be honest, she may be an agent, but the real Yayoi-chan is always there inside of her. She’s just a normal high school girl.

So I will face her head on. No more chasing after her back.

To find the real Yayoi-chan.

TL: ”

ED: Spynine01