Chapter 16

Running was pointless.

Sora-chan has more stamina than me.

Come to think of it, she mentioned going to the gym or something.

Yeah, I can’t win. Not me.

And for some reason, Akane arrived at my location.

How did she pinpoint where I was when my phone is at the bottom of a river?

I have no idea. (I give up thinking.)

This is what you call hell.

You have got to be kidding me.

“Shion? Who is this woman?”

The look in Akane’s eyes grows sharper still.

“Isn’t that a seagull or something?”

“She was here before, wasn’t she? This one?”

It’s no use, she doesn’t listen to reason anyway.

And if she’s not going to listen, it doesn’t matter if I give her a straight answer or not.

“I was in such a good mood, too.”

“I was going to have some fun with Shion. You’re a real nuisance. Can’t you tell you’re being annoying?”

“Hehe.”

To that, Sora-chan…

Responded not with words, but with action.

Don’t hug me. Not in front of her. Do you have a death wish?

“That thing is mine, you know.”

I’m not a thing, so stop calling me ‘that thing.’

I’m your boyfriend, for what it’s worth.

“Haven’t you realized he’s long since gotten sick of you?”

“Senpai’s heart already belongs to me♡”

That’s half right and half wrong.

How am I supposed to get along with someone who drugs me?

Even that certain famous detective’s situation only works because the secret’s not out.

“You should stop with the delusions, you know? The one Shion loves more than anything is me.”

…Look who’s talking.

Crap, no.

This is no time to be roasting them for every little thing they say.

I need to take action to protect my life.

“Poor Shion. You must have had such a hard time, getting tangled up with a bitch like this, huh?”

…Well, that’s the gist of it, I guess.

“…If you had just told me, I would have killed her right away.”

That’s the last thing I’d ever tell you.

Like I’d casually hire a hitman.

“Oh, Shii-chan. You poor thing. To think this ugly hag is running her mouth, acting like she’s your girlfriend. You’re just too nice, senpai, so you play along with her, and now she’s gotten the mistaken idea that you actually like her. It’s just too pathetic.”

…They both have filthy mouths.

Also, that “Shii-chan” thing that keeps popping up…

Is that my nickname?

Was I called that when I was little?

I can’t remember.

“…See? I really do have to protect you in a room all to myself, Shii-chan. If I give you too much freedom, you’ll just end up miserable, won’t you?”

By the way, it goes without saying that seagulls have an excellent sense of direction.

They can get to their destination perfectly without relying on GPS.

These two are definitely seagulls.

This is a seagull squabble.

Yep. I’m tired, so I’m going home!

“Shion, why don’t you just tell her clearly? ‘You’re annoying, so stop stalking me, you delusional psycho!'”

“Senpai, it would be for her own good to tell her plainly. Let’s just say it: ‘We want nothing to do with a troublesome hag like you!'”

This was not a situation I could easily escape from.

Right. I’d forgotten, but they’re fighting over me, aren’t they.

Why are you acting like you’re speaking for me?

Oh, well. Since we’re here, I’ll just say it loud and clear.

“I’ve had enough of yanderes like you! You idiots!”

“!?”

“I can’t take it anymore! I’m not getting involved with either of you ever again!”

Is there a Yandere Proxy service or something? A company that will take these two off my hands?

“Huh? Shion, that’s not right, is it? That would mean you want to break up with me, too, wouldn’t it?”

“Senpai, there’s no need to hold back. That’s not what you really mean, is it?”

See? They don’t listen.

In that case, I’ve got an idea of my own.

“I’m going to become a monk. I’m leaving the secular world behind.”

“To start, I’m heading to one of those cheap barbershops to get my head shaved.”

It’s a historic, stylish haircut. Still popular with a core group of fans today.

“Wait, wait, wait, Shion! I said wait! Let’s calm down, okay? Here, if you have a little kiss with your cute girlfriend, you won’t feel that way anymore!”

“Senpai, no! If you just get a true love’s hug, I’m sure that feeling will go away! Come here, look!”

Ignoring the seagulls, I went to the cheap barbershop.

I really liked this perm, but oh well!

…Whether or not this actually solves anything is another story entirely.