My Girlfriend Doesn’t Understand Me

“I can’t… I can’t live anymore…”

“Ah, au um… Sei-kun?”

I crouched down, overwhelmed by the shock.

 Mari called my name, looking confused, as she saw my state.

But I was in no state to respond to that. After all, all of it… everything… had been seen by Mari, hadn’t it?! I mean, she knows everything! When I watched K-1 and got all hyped up, and while I was shadow-boxing the electric cord, the end of the cord snapped back into my eye, and I was squirming and in pain from it, too! What is this!? Is this some kind of shameful market auction of embarrassment!? This is devastating—far, far too horrifying…

[TL: K-1 is a Japanese Kickboxing promotion]

I’ve never felt so miserable in my whole life.

If I could die from embarrassment, I would have already been dead, vomiting blood and foam. That’s how much shame and misery had me writhing and crushed—so overwhelmed that I could barely move.

But Mari, after much hesitation, said the following to me.

“Ah, um, Sei-kun! I think you should try to think positively! Look, if you think about it this way it could mean that you don’t have to act cool or show off in front of me, you know!”

“That’s…”

“True?”

“I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate thaaaaaaaaat~~!”

The moment I heard Mari’s words, an utterly meaningless phrase—no, the most meaningless phrase in my entire life—slipped out of my mouth before I could think about it.

“Mariiii, let me look cool too, will you?!Mari’s always cool and amazing, and I don’t have a single good thing about me…!”

“Huh? Huh? What do you mean?”

” I just said it!”

I stood up and faced Mari.

“…I thought about it a lot, but in the end, I just wanted to look cool to you! I want to become a man who doesn’t pale in comparison to Mari—someone truly cool and impressive!”

“Ah… Uhm… Yeah… I already think of Sei-kun as cool though…”

My words were getting more and more heated, but Mari was giving me a half-hearted response. It seemed she didn’t quite get it.

I replied firmly to her.

“I can’t trust Mari’s idea of ‘cool,’ so I don’t believe it.”

“Eh? Why!?”

“Because you always see me in a favorable light! I want to be truly cool! I want to be someone who I can be satisfied with!”

“Eh…”

Mari looked confused.

But this is an important matter for me.

Because I don’t have “self-confidence.”

I’m not a strong enough person to think that I can continue to stand next to Mari as I am now.

That’s why.

“So, Mari, I want you to wait for me. I want to live with you, get married, and spend the rest of my life with you, but I want you to wait until I become a decent person.”

I told Mari seriously.

Mari tilted her head and said, “Huh?”

And she replied,

“…Doesn’t that not really make it a reason?”

“Huh?”

“Did I say something weird?”

“You did! Did you even listen to what I was saying?”

“Yes, I did. You want to be cool in your own way… That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“That’s right!”

“And you’re saying you can’t live with me right now while you’re trying to do that… But can’t you do that while we’re living together?”

My girlfriend doesn’t understand me!

This is the moment I expressed my heartfelt resolution, and she’s supposed to say, “I understand, I’ll wait for you!”

“Well, I’ll support you in your efforts if you’re doing it in your own way Sei-kun, but honestly, whether you look cool or not isn’t really important to me! I like both sides of you, Sei-kun! I like you a lot! I love you!”

“You know, Mari-san… It’s not about that, being a parasite is a bit of a blow to my pride…”

“Pride?”

“Yeah, male pride.”

“Ah… I understand?”

Let me guess, she doesn’t?

Anyway.

“I’ll absolutely never live together with Mari until I can be cool enough for her! Living together will only be a thing after I become cool! Got it? You understand, right!?”

I asserted this to Mari, almost forcefully.

Mari pouted and said,

“You’re so stubborn, Sei-kun.”

But then she sighed and said,

“Well, if that’s what you want, I guess I have no choice.”

She said those words as if she had come to an understanding.

“Do you understand me?”

“No, I honestly don’t understand at all.”

“You don’t huh?”

“I just figured that, if Sei-kun wants to do that, I don’t really mind.”

“I see… Thank you.”

“Besides, I can just try my best on my own if I want to.”

“Huh?”

Just as I thought she had suddenly said something ominous, she suddenly broke into a glossy, alluring smile.

Then, as if to close the distance between us, Mari took a step toward me and, in an unexpected motion, her fingers lightly brushed against my chin.

I shivered at the eerie atmosphere.

Mari whispered to me, as if to add to my discomfort.

“From now on… it’s a competition between Sei-kun’s pride and my seduction… let’s see which one will win, ok? ♡”

“Hiihh…”

That voice, wrapping around my ears like a snake, was so intense and stimulating.

Before me, caught off guard and startled, Mari suddenly switched gears from earlier, now wearing a bright, cheerful smile.

“Let’s work hard together, Sei-kun♡”

She said this as if to make it clear.

“…O- yeah! I’m absolutely, definitely not going to lose, alright?”

“I see, I see. …By the way, you mentioned you’d get to the point of looking cool, but how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

“That’s… I’ll think about that later!”

“How about a very handsome prince who takes me to heaven every night?”

“That’s not the kind of cool I want!”

“Then what kind of cool do you want?”

“I… I don’t know…”

If I knew that, I wouldn’t be saying all this!

* * *

Even as we had this exchange, I thought to myself.

Like we have been so far, I think we’ll continue to be together like this in the future.

If there is such a thing as a red thread of fate, I believe it’s this that ties me and Mari.