Chapter 16

Since I was given permission to go out by Kyoka, I came to the city to meet them as soon as possible. The one I wanted to see first was Sakura. 

From what I had heard from Shouko, Sakura was the most severely injured. I was really surprised when I heard she was hospitalized. 

I got a smartphone from Kyoka and immediately called the manager, and found out that she was indeed hospitalized. Also, the manager was astonished.

That was expected. I am supposed to be dead, after all. Therefore, when I go out, I have to wear a mask, a hat, glasses, and so on.

When I asked the manager where Sakura was hospitalized, she told me that she was at the best hospital in the area where she lived.

The hospital was located a few minutes away from the station by cab. After paying, I left the cab and entered the hospital.

After talking to the receptionist, I went to the hospital room where Sakura was. I took a breath in front of the room and composed myself.

Frankly, I’m scared. It’s scary and painful that I will be seeing what had become of the recovering Sakura. But it’s a seed I sowed. It’s something I have to take responsibility for.

I took a long, deep breath again and then knocked on the door.

There was no response from inside. Is she sleeping? Well, let’s at least see her sleeping face and visit her again tomorrow.

Well, that’s what I thought when I opened the hospital room…..rather, Sakura was awake. I wonder what she was thinking when it looked like her spirit had died from the outside? It was as if nothing was reflecting in her eyes. 

Sakura slowly turned towards me to face me and noticed my presence.

Her body had become thinner than the last time I saw her, and her cute face had become like a dead Noh mask.

“……who, is that?”

When Sakura, a popular voice actress, said this to me in a weak voice, my chest tightened painfully.

“Sakura, it’s me.”

“……huh?”

When I took off my hat and mask, her eyes widened in surprise, and color returned to her eyes.

Her eyes caught my face and she stared at me speechlessly. 

When I took off my glasses, tears began to flow from her beautiful dark eyes.

“Forgive me, Sakura. I’m late.” 

“Wha? H-How? Ha-Have I-I gone insane? Hal-Hallu-cination?”

“I’m sorry. I’m actually alive. I’m so sorry.” 

She sobbed in a withered voice and continued to shed tears without hiding them.

I went up to her and gently wiped her tears with a handkerchief and patted her head for the first time in a long time. From the last time I stroked her, that lustrous hair was gone, and I had to bear the guilt of the sin that surged from deep within my heart.

Slowly, I stroked her head.

“O-Onii-chan Onii-chan Onii-chan”

“I’m sorry Sakura.”

Sakura pressed her face to my chest and hugged me with her arms, which had thinned more than before, but she did her best not to let go.

I also gently stroked Sakura’s back with her head until she calmed down, trying to reassure her and help her de-stress.

“I-I can’t do anything without Onii-chan, become unable to do anything. I-I felt like something went wr-wrong with my head. I lost my sanity. Without Onii-chan, Without Onii-chan….”

“Forgive me, but don’t worry. Because I’m alive.”

“Sa-Sakura was really worried. Everyday, without you. Ev-Even my dreams didn’t have Onii-chan in it, you know? I, you know I…..”

“Yeah”

“Onii-chan, I-I once again was made to understand that I love you, Onii-chan.” 

“Yeah”

“Onii-chan Onii-chan”

I feel guilty as well as filled with love for Sakura, who is trying her best to convey her feelings with her poor language. I have no right to feel this way about Sakura.

“I-I can no longer live without Onii-chan. I will go crazy. I’ll have a nightmare. Onii-chan, stay with me. Please? Please? Onii-chan”

“Yeah, I will. I’ll be right by your side.”

“Th-Thank you, Onii….chan”

I gently laid Sakura on the bed as she slowly fell asleep in my chest. She probably hasn’t been sleeping properly of late.

I couldn’t leave her like this, so I decided to hold Sakura’s hand and stay by her side until she woke up again, making sure I didn’t break my promise again.

Chapter 17

While Sakura was sleeping, time passed quickly as I replied to the mountain of messages from Kyoka.

Isn’t she supposed to be in class? Won’t she get in trouble?

As I was thinking that, 

“Mn……mhm?”

“Morning, Sakura.”

“…..Onii….chan?” 

“Yeah, it’s me. Morning.”

When I called out to her, her half-asleep brain gradually woke up, and her eyes started to fill with tears again. 

“I-It wasn’t a dream. O-Onii-chan is really alive. Thank god, thank goodness.”

“Sorry, Sakura. I’m late.”

“No no, it’s alright. I’m really happy just from Onii-chan being alive.” 

Instead of letting go of the hand I was holding, I gently stroked her head as she hugged me with her frail arms.

After a few minutes, she finally began to calm down, and perhaps embarrassed by her crying, she gently wiped her tears with her sleeve and turned to me. 

“Onii-chan, welcome back.”

Her smile looked dazzling. I was so conscious of my guilt that I almost turned my face away from her, but if I did that, I would regret it, and I would be running away from my sin.

“I’m back, Sakura.”

I looked her dead in the eye and smiled back at her as naturally as I could.

But, I wonder why. Her eyes slowly dimed.

“Onii-chan.”

“What?”

“Getting straight to the point, I want to ask you something, okay?” 

“Yeah, ok.”

She was as dazzling as before, with a cute smile that suited her, but I couldn’t help but think that her eyes were more murky than before.

“Onii-chan, where on earth were you? I was scared, in so much pain that I was always thinking where or what were you doing, I really wanted to know.”

“I was…”

“And if you disappeared again, I don’t know what will happen to me, so I would be happy if you could tell me where you were.” 

She had a mellow smile on her, which could melt anyone’s hearts, but there was still something eerie about her. 

…..I understood it. To the degree that I am aware I’m the cause of it. Despite that, I perhaps took it lightly, until I saw the intensity of it for myself.   

I underestimated my standing in Sakura’s world.

“Onii-chan, tell me? Onii-chan, Onii-chan”

“Alright. I’ll tell you what has happened until now.”

I decided to tell her everything.