When I Was Presumed Dead, They Became Unhinged Unknowingly - Chapter 12

“Sakura-san, maybe you should take a break….?”

“…….shut up. How many times will you keep saying that? I said I’m okay, so I’m okay. This will benefit the agency, and won’t trouble you people, so isn’t it a good thing? That’s why it’s alright.”

“You’re correct but….every job is an investment in your body. Don’t let your health deteriorate. In the future, Sakura-san will get more busy.” 

“I said shut up! I am alright, period….That’s that, I’m fine. See you tomorrow. Don’t make me say it again.” 

“……….yes.”

I slammed the car shut and said goodbye to the manager.

I know I’m overworking too. I know that my body is going to break down. I’m aware of it all and I am still doing it.

I needed something to distract me or I would have gone crazy. I have no choice but to drown myself in work or else I feel like I will go crazy. If I don’t, my heart would break before my body.

No, maybe it is already broken.

I mean, I’m thinking that it’s okay to die from overworking. Rather, I don’t mind dying, I want to die. 

Nothing matters anymore. 

It was hard, it was saddening, it was heart-breaking, I didn’t feel like doing anything, I was lonely, it was suffocating, I couldn’t think about anything anymore, I felt like I was going mad, my head was about to become a mess, I wanted to die. 

I roughly opened the front door, locked it, and collapsed against the door.

I was shaking and unable to stand up due to the feelings of anxiety, pain, and other negative emotions that clung to my body from the depths of my heart.

“Onii-chan…….I feel cold. ……hug me. I might not be able to stand up again.”

A hug from my brother is all I need to keep me going. Just a pat on the head from Onii-chan is enough to make me want to keep on living. I’m glad, happy, just that you’re alive Onii-chan, there’s nothing better than that, you know? Onii-chan is my only hope in life. Your words changed who I am. Onii-chan is my everything. I don’t have anyone else but you, Onii-chan. Onii-chan is irreplaceable. 

Onii-chan…………it’s painful, it hurts. 

My chest.

Almost like it’s going to burst. 

It’s like I’m becoming not me. 

Something sludgy is leaking out of my heart and it’s not stopping. I desperately tried to stop it by holding my chest, but there was no sign of it stopping at all.

“Onii-chan, save me.” 

Plainly, there was no reply to that voice. I understand that. But even if I understand that, I could do nothing but ask Onii-chan to help me.

I went over the memories of me and Onii-chan. 

Somehow remembering that clumsy smiling face and the warmth of the hand that gently stroked me, I felt that the pain had eased a few shun, but the cold, dark floor or the entrance dragged me back to reality.

The face of Onii-chan I had pictured earlier was gone.

How many times did I picture him and it vanished? I imagine it and then it vanishes; I imagine it and then it vanishes; I imagine it, it vanishes; again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again.

Onii-chan.

Listen, Onii-chan. 

I, I’m going to go mad. 

Listen, Onii-chan. 

I’m going insane. 

Listen, Onii-chan. 

I haven’t told you that I love you. 

Listen, Onii-chan. 

I, to you, want to be with you forever. 

Listen, Onii-chan. 

I wonder if you liked me? If you did that would be nice. 

Listen, Onii-chan. 

Save me.