When I Comforted My Sickly Stepsister, She Couldn’t Live Without Me - 36 - Clear Blue Sky
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- 36 - Clear Blue Sky
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“I love you, Miyoshi-kun.”
Imari’s words echoed heavily.
Finally, the three words “I love you” were uttered from her lips.
The same three words I received from Yukine.
Imari let out a fleeting smile.
“Oh dear, I said it, didn’t I? I actually didn’t plan on expressing these feelings,” she said.
“Imari…”
With Imari revealing her feelings and Yukine laying her heart bare, I wondered, what was the right answer for me?
I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. What does “love” mean to me?
For me, liking someone romantically means wanting to be in a relationship. It means wanting to be lovers.
It means reaching a level beyond friendship, where you can do things you couldn’t as just friends.
So, who do I want to be like that with? No, who do I want to be with?
“I… I…”
I couldn’t say I didn’t know.
I understand how much courage it takes to say the word “love” to someone, how frightening it is. So, I couldn’t do anything to trample on Imari’s actions.
…But still, even so. I still haven’t found the answer.
“(I’m pathetic. Truly pathetic. I lack resolve. I’ve always lived half-heartedly, so it’s no wonder I end up like this. I… I…)”
My hand involuntarily tightened.
Caught between my own weakness and Imari’s courage, I felt like I was being crushed.
Why am I like this?
I’ve made Yukine sad, Imari sad, and even after being encouraged by Fuyuko-san, I still can’t find an answer. I don’t understand.
I understand less and less about myself.
“I… I…”
Even as I tried to express something from within, the words wouldn’t come out.
The more I thought, the thicker the fog in my mind became, obscuring everything even more.
And in that increasing panic, I fell into a vicious cycle of thoughts.
My heartbeat quickened.
Sweat beaded on my forehead.
My fingers, clammy with sweat, slipped.
What do I do? What do I do? What should I do…?
“It’s okay, Miyoshi-kun.”
“…Huh?”
Imari spoke with a clear expression.
“You know, I actually understand you quite well. From an outsider’s perspective, you’re quite simple.”
“W-What do you mean? Understand… what?”
“What your ‘like’ means, Miyoshi-kun.”
My mind went blank.
Everything I had been agonizing over just a moment ago vanished in an instant, as if I had hit the delete button on a computer.
Imari chuckled softly and continued.
“You actually know, Miyoshi-kun. You’ve known all along. But because you shouldn’t know, you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t, and in the end, you truly don’t understand.”
“Huh? I’ve known all along? What is ‘like’? Even though I’m so confused right now?”
To my question, Imari nodded without hesitation.
“Yeah, you are. Because you’re someone with a strong sense of justice.”
“I’m not such a righteous person.”
“No, I’m not talking about being right or wrong. It’s just… how should I put it? You’re someone who desperately tries to uphold your own sense of justice, Miyoshi-kun.”
“My own sense of justice…”
I wondered if I really had such a thing.
Even as I placed my hand over my chest, the answer eluded me.
But right in front of me was someone who seemed to know all the answers.
Looking up at the sky, Imari let out a small breath before continuing.
“You always said you wanted to have siblings, that you couldn’t be anything without siblings. You wanted to be like an older brother, like family. You’ve been saying that for so long… as if trying to convince yourself. Why is that?”
“Why… well, it’s because I never had a sibling. So I’ve always… wanted that.”
Imari’s question prompted an immediate response from me.
“…Is that all?”
“Just that? Isn’t there…”
I began to speak, but suddenly stopped. No, it was more like my mouth stopped on its own accord.
Because there was something inside my chest that kicked me.
Something that had been buried under layers of other emotions, something that had never seen the light of day.
And I knew what it was.
“You knew from the moment you first saw her, didn’t you? That the feelings you had for her were more than just that.”
Gradually, my emotions began to revive, pulsating with renewed vigor.
Thump, thump—each beat resonated strongly, affirming its existence.
“I… I…”
――And then.
Finally, I remembered what I had been unable to grasp for so long.
Vividly, intensely, I recalled all the emotions I had held.
“Imari, I…”
“Miyoshi-kun, don’t say anything more.”
“…”
Imari gave me a sharp, piercing look.
Seeing her like that, I understood.
That’s why I thought it would be wrong for me to say anything more.
I couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes.
“I told you everything to put an end to it all, to become a new me. Not for your sake, Miyoshi-kun.”
“Yeah…”
“Because you’re cruel, Miyoshi-kun. Because you’re the worst. I won’t do anything for your sake. It’s all for me. So… you understand, right?”
“Yeah…”
As I affirmed, Imari sighed in relief and looked up at the sky.
“Ugh, seriously, the worst!”
With a face as clear as the sky above, Imari exclaimed.
“Hey, Miyoshi-kun.”
“What is it?”
Imari took a deep breath, then spoke to me with the most resounding voice yet.
“After all, you owe me for all this, so take responsibility and pay me back over time!”
Imari said this with a slightly mischievous expression, as if she had grown accustomed to seeing it lately, and placed her hands on her hips.
When I nodded and said, “Got it,” Imari also nodded, looking satisfied.
We stood there staring at each other for a while, then I turned on my heel and started walking.
There were things I had to do.
I had to break away from the person I had been until now and prepare myself for what lay ahead.
◇ ◇ ◇
His figure had vanished from sight.
I sat back down on the bench once more and gazed up at the sky.
“Really, Miyoshi-kun is the worst,”
I muttered, placing my hand on my chest.
I think I did well.
I have no regrets.
I simply followed my own sense of justice.
That’s all there is to it.
“…Sigh, I wish it would just rain,” I complained to the sky, laughing to myself.
I’m not the strong girl he thinks I am.
That used to bother me, but strangely, it doesn’t anymore.
“Not bad at all, huh, me?”
I sniffled, exhaling as if ascending to the heavens once more.