Her Struggle

“Well, how about dating me?”

“―Huh?”

Imari’s words left me frozen in place.

She gazed at me intently, as if waiting for my response, in a silence that seemed to stretch on forever.

As we both searched for words, on the verge of an explosion…

“W-What do you mean?” 

I finally managed to stammer out, my words far from eloquent.

“What do you mean? It’s exactly what it sounds like. If you want Yukine-chan to seriously give up on you and stop seeing you as a man, isn’t it quickest for you to get a girlfriend?”

“I see.”

Finally, Imari’s words started to make sense to me.

As Imari suggested, indeed, if I were to have a girlfriend, Yukine’s feelings towards me would naturally diminish.

Until now, I’ve always rejected temptations from Yukine under the premise of being her older brother, but it’s evident from past experiences that this stance doesn’t get through to her. 

Adding the absolute fact of having a girlfriend into the mix, even Yukine wouldn’t be able to push through.

…However, there’s something unsettling about this strategy.

“So, what do you think about trying to date me?”

While scratching her cheek, Imari said.

“…But, is that okay?”

“Huh?”

Although I couldn’t pinpoint what was bothering me exactly, I started to verbalize what I could.

“Well, when it comes to dating, both parties should like each other, right? Using it as some kind of means feels, well…”

“…”

Imari hung her head and fell silent.

At that moment, I suddenly realized.

“Oh, sorry! Imari came up with the idea, and here I am hesitating… But, ultimately, it’s because of my half-hearted attitude towards Yukine! I’m really pathetic, aren’t I?”

“…That’s right, it’s your fault, Miyoshi-kun, for being so doting on your little sister.”

“I-I’m…?”

I couldn’t say anything in the face of Imari’s unexpected response.

Imari, usually gentle and accepting of everything, wore a complex expression as she gazed at me.

“Miyoshi-kun is always being affectionate, and he even kissed her in the end…”

Imari grabbed her skirt tightly, her expression tense. After a moment, she seemed to snap out of it.

“S-Sorry! What am I saying? I-I’m acting weird. My face feels hot…”

Blushing furiously, Imari fanned her face with her hands.

“Don’t worry about what I said earlier! Maybe I… I was just jealous of Miyoshi-kun being so popular… or something like that?”

“But aren’t you the popular one, Imari? I heard someone confessed to you the other day.”

“B-But everyone stares at my bre–ts! It’s embarrassing…”

As Imari covered her chest with her arms, I bowed my head.

“…Sorry, I think I was one of those staring at your chest…”

“N-No, it’s okay! I mean, as long as it’s you, Miyoshi-kun… I mean! You don’t give off a creepy vibe, and you wouldn’t try anything weird, right?”

“R-Right, of course not! I mean, you’re important to me, Imari!”

“Hehe, okay then. That’s a relief.”

Imari flashed her usual saintly smile. Seeing her like that, I felt a wave of relief wash over me.

“(That’s a relief, it’s the usual Imari.)”

“Come to think of it, it’s about time, isn’t it? It wouldn’t be good to stay out too late.”

“Yeah, let’s call it a day here then.”

I glanced out the window and noticed that it had already gotten dark outside, and it was already past six o’clock.

I packed up my study materials into my bag, slung it over my shoulder, put on my shoes at the front door, and bid farewell to Imari.

“Well, see you tomorrow, Miyoshi-kun.”

“Yeah, thanks for today. See ya.”

As I left Imari’s house and started walking, I heard her call out from behind.

“What’s up?”

“Um, about what I said earlier, forget it, okay? It was all just a joke.”

“Got it.”

I replied, and Imari waved her hand with a satisfied expression.

I waved back to Imari, and this time, I truly headed home.

◇　◇　◇

After seeing Miyoshi-kun off, I returned to my room alone and sat on the edge of my bed.

“Why did I say those things?”

What I remembered was what I had said to Miyoshi-kun earlier here. 

Asking him to consider dating me, and then what I said afterward.

It was all unlike me. Normally, I would never let slip my true feelings like that.

But I said it. It just slipped out.

“…But, it can’t be helped. Because I was hurt.”

The accident that happened to Miyoshi-kun last night.

It’s not his fault. It’s not Miyoshi-kun’s fault, but that’s not the issue.

I didn’t want Miyoshi-kun to kiss. Even if it was an accident, even if it wasn’t intentional, it crossed a line I didn’t wanted to be crossed.

“…Sigh, I guess I still have a long way to go before I can be considered an adult.”

If I were an adult, would I be able to control these feelings without them spiraling out of control?

If that’s the case, I want to become an adult soon. Otherwise, I’ll cease to be myself.

“I want to, become an adult.”

Alone in my room, I muttered these words, feeling his lingering presence.