Traveling With a Beautiful Girl - Chapter 53: Reason

“Why did you try to commit suicide?”

Nanase didn’t look surprised or confused.  It’s as if she had anticipated being asked, she just continued with her blank expression.

After taking a deep breath only once, Nanase started talking.

“My family is… as you might have guessed, a bit special,” she said in a calm voice.

“My father, as you know, is a wealthy businessman who owns several companies. He met my mother, who was a college student at the time, at a bar, and they had a one-night stand.”

At this point, I wanted to interject that this was more than “a bit special,” but I just listened.

“My father didn’t feel an ounce of affection for me, conceived from that one night… Once he found out my mother was pregnant, he wanted nothing to do with me. The luxurious house and the excessive child support he provided were the entirety of his presence in my life.”

Nanase added that she didn’t even know what her father looked like. As I was stunned, the story continued.

“Because of these circumstances, I was raised by my mother. She was originally from a somewhat prominent family, but it seems she was disowned by her family, concerned about appearances, due to the incident with my father.”

Nanase was telling her story as if it was someone else’s.

“At first, my mother seemed to feel guilty towards me and took good care of me, giving me all the love she could in the absence of my father… But she too went mad, triggered by the piano.”

— I don’t have fond memories of the piano. I recalled Nanase’s words.

“As I said before, when I started achieving results with the piano, my mother began to demand more results from me. As a result, I quit the piano… but no matter what I did after that, my mother insisted that I produce results.”

Nanase looked down.

“Results are everything, anything other than first place is meaningless, never lose to anyone, I won’t forgive you if you lose. She demanded results with every possible phrase… and every possible means.”

A hint of agony crossed her face.

“When I didn’t get good grades on a test, I was locked in the washing machine.”

— I have bad memories of small spaces.

“When I lost a race, I was submerged in a bath.”

— I have bad memories of water.

“When I didn’t win an award for an art assignment, I was thrown out of the house in a thunderstorm.”

— I have bad memories of thunder.

I flashed back to Nanase, who had shuddered at these three “fears”. The fact that all of Nanase’s “fears” were instilled in her by her mother hit me like a blow to the head with a lead pipe.

“Fortunately or unfortunately, thanks to the excellent genes I inherited from my father, I was able to achieve top-level results in studies, sports, and art. I thought this would ease things a bit, but… on the contrary, my mother’s demands just escalated.”

Despite this, Nanase continued.

“No matter what she said or did to me, I did my best to produce results. Perhaps I myself wanted to be acknowledged by my mother, to be needed by her, by producing results.”

Nanase said this with a hint of self-mockery.

“But…”

The atmosphere changed.

Suddenly, it darkened.

“When I came home one day, there was a man I didn’t know, and my mom said, ‘I’ve decided to marry this man.'”

I noticed that the term for mother changed from “mother” to “mom”.

(T/N: She Used “Haha” before and now “Okaa-san”)

“I saw the look in my mom’s eyes towards this complete stranger and then towards me…”

Her voice had a hint of sadness.

“I thought, ah, I’m not needed anymore.”

Silence.

I had to say something… With an impudent thought, I found myself uttering hollow words.

“That doesn’t mean… you’re not needed, right?”

“The fact that I haven’t received a single call in these five days is the best proof.”

I couldn’t say anything back. There wasn’t a single instance of a call coming to Nanase’s smartphone.

This story is beyond normal comprehension. It’s unthinkable for a 17-year-old daughter to run away from home and her family doesn’t even contact her once in five days….

Clearing her throat, Nanase continued.

“My mother… not to mince words, she was nothing more than an approval-seeking monster. She was brought up spoiled in a wealthy family, her pride inflated, and then she was cut off by both her father and her household due to a single night’s mistake…”

Her downcast eyes, seeming lonely, shimmered with compassion.

“To my mother, who had nothing particularly outstanding about her, my achieving results was the only way for her to satisfy her own need for approval.”

She spoke as if all was finally revealed.

“In other words… it didn’t have to be me.”

At her desert-dry smile, I found myself at a loss for words.

“In that moment, I didn’t care about anything anymore.”

Nanase said.

“Everything I had worked hard for seemed foolish.”

Her words poured out.

“I found myself wandering aimlessly without a destination after leaving the house. I didn’t think about anything. I just stood there, staring blankly at the trains coming and going at the station I happened to end up at.”

I recall her lifeless expression from that day.

“I just… didn’t want to live anymore.”

From there, it connects to my memory. I saved Nanase as she tried to jump in front of the train, and led her out on a journey…

“That’s the end of the story.”

After putting a period to her tale, Nanase took a deep breath.

On the other hand, I… I was lost.

I learned the reason Nanase was obsessed with results, the roots of her nature, the circumstances behind her suicide attempt… everything. But knowing all this, I couldn’t figure out what to say to Nanase.

It was easy to deny it all with momentum, like when I invited her on the trip, saying “That’s not true!”

But I couldn’t confront such a light phrase against the reality that Nanase revealed, which was too heavy for a single girl to bear. And yet, I didn’t have the material to break Nanase’s logic.

…No, that’s wrong.

What I lacked was determination. Just then, my phone began to vibrate.

The caller… was my mother.