Thou Shalt Not Have Hope in Modern Dungeons

In a cave with a high ceiling, chickens are flying through the air. Yes, those plump, white chickens. Some with red combs, some without. Without distinguishing between males and females, at least a dozen can be seen.

Flapping their wings noisily and cheerfully, they are flying around. Of course, since they are chickens, their clucking is also loud.

“Cluck, cluck. Cock-a-doodle-doo!”

“Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!”

No, really, it’s so noisy. This is during normal times. When the life-and-death struggle begins, I can’t even imagine how much louder it will get.

“Senpai, are you really going to get involved with that?”

The junior (older brother) is always calm, collected, and the epitome of excellence. Even he can’t handle this situation with ease.

“Does our magic really work?”

Similarly, even the usually energetic and spirited junior (younger sister) is feeling intimidated. This won’t do. If these two key players are hesitant, an accident could easily happen.

I smack the newly acquired large shield with my palm.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be your shield! Even if there are a lot of them, they’re just chickens. At most, you’ll get some scratches and holes in your skin… Eyes and ears might be a bit dangerous, though.”

“No, senpai. That’s just not acceptable.”

A calm critique from the older brother. Oops, did I mess up? …Still, dragging things out in a place like this could lead to trouble.

“Alright, mission change! No matter what, take it down before we die! Okay, let’s get to work! Stay safe!”

“Too forceful! Ugh, seriously!”

A glow resides in the siblings’ hands. Noticing this, some of the chickens begin to move away from the flock. It seems they are about to charge.

To be honest, it’s scary. Their claws and beaks look sharp. A group of them attacking together? There’s no way that wouldn’t be terrifying.

However, I have to hold my ground. That’s about all I have going for me. I muster up some false bravado and shout.

“Alright, tonight’s dinner is fried chicken!”

* * *

The beginning of the matter was two months ago.

“…A dungeon, you say?”

“Yes. It’s a dungeon. It’s on your property, but… you don’t happen to know about it, do you?”

Saturday at 9 AM. Not morning, not noon, just that time. Just as I had finished cleaning and laundry and was about to start unpacking from the move, the intercom rang.

I just moved here, and I, Irikawa Haruo, don’t know anyone in this area. On the first day after moving in, I went to greet my neighbors. However, no one opened their door. Even at night, the lights didn’t turn on. Every house was empty.

Well, it’s been ten years since the dungeon appeared, so areas like this aren’t that unusual. We were informed in advance that there was a dungeon nearby. That’s why I didn’t find it that strange.

So, when I opened the front door, this is what I found. A serious-looking young man in a suit greeted me. When I received his business card, it said “Dungeon Management Division, City Hall.”

And then, return to the initial exchange.

“Um, is there some kind of mistake? I heard from the previous owner that there was a dungeon nearby.”

“No, this is definitely the right house. It’s as stated in these documents.”

I was handed a document labeled “Dungeon Administrator Record List.” The address listed there was undoubtedly this place. And indeed, the previous owner’s surname, Kouda, was also written there.

I made a call from the smartphone that was shoved into my pocket. The person on the other end is the family of the previous landlord. They are juniors from my university days.

“The phone number you dialed cannot be connected as per your request.”

“Damn it, he’s blocking my calls! Seriously, no way.”

The blood drains from my face. No way, no way. It feels like a sudden pit has opened up beneath my feet. My head starts to spin.

“Um… I think there was something like that in the garden.”

“Garden…”

I have never before uttered the word “garden” with such emotion. Probably never will again. Not a chance.

I have a hunch. It was before the move, when I visited this house and received an explanation.

“Senpai, it’s here in this part of the garden. The remnants of an old well are still here. It would cost a lot to fill it in, so for now, please don’t touch it.”

On a large plastic board, there were metal plates and several rods (probably originally parts of a shelf) placed as weights. An awkward object in the garden.

I grabbed the work gloves I used during the move, put on my shoes, and headed to the garden. I moved the metal rod and lifted the board.

There was a stone staircase leading down. A common feature of dungeon entrances. Wide enough for two adults to walk side by side. I had seen it many times on TV and during training sessions in school. No doubt about it.

I collapsed to my knees.

“That bastard Ryuu… you tricked me…!”

I spit out my junior’s nickname with resentment. Kouda Ryuu has been a carefree jokester since our university days. Even so, he wasn’t a bad person, so I hung out with him. Recently, he brought up the idea of selling his house cheaply because he wanted to get rid of it.

It was a good property close to the station, and the house wasn’t that old. It was being sold at a throwaway price, and the reason was the nearby dungeon. It was a common story, so I bought it without any doubts. The biggest deciding factor was the shorter commuting time. And this is the result.

“Excuse me. I understand how you feel, but… it’s work, so I need to check internally.”

“…I understand.”

The city hall guy turned on his phone’s flashlight and went down the stairs. I felt hesitant to let him go alone. Even the first level of the dungeon isn’t safe. To avoid any potential issues, I decided to follow him from behind.

The inside of the dungeon is surprisingly bright. Once my eyes get used to it, I don’t even need the lights. However, the older brother keeps the lights on. He takes a closer look, the camera is in recording mode. He must be taking notes.

Just one more step to the first layer. We have descended to such a place.

“”Wow.””

And then the two of us groaned in unison. The stone underground passage. Green spheres the size of softballs are visible here and there. Monsters beyond human comprehension. Monsters. The dungeon cleaners are known as moss balls.

Combat power is almost nonexistent. An adult would almost never lose. It is common knowledge that children and the elderly are at risk of being crushed to death by multiple bodies.

There are swarms of them. They won’t come over here because we’re at the entrance, but if we take a step forward, they’ll gather around us.

“Let’s go back.”

“Yes.”

We turned on our heels and returned to the ground. Quite briskly.

“…It seems that the previous manager hardly did any pest control work.”

“Is that so?”

“This dungeon hasn’t even appeared for a month yet. And yet, there are that many of them. There’s no other explanation. There were no traces of traps either.”

“One month… I see.”

I got a sudden message from that guy about two weeks ago. So he was already planning to dump the dungeon on me at that point, huh? What a cocky move.

I feel like I’m about to explode with anger, but dealing with the urgent issue comes first.

“This dungeon, I need to manage it myself, right?”

“Yes. I apologize, but as long as Irikawa-san is the current landowner, that is how it will be.”

It’s not something that can be brushed off with “I didn’t know, so I won’t do it.” It’s embarrassing for me to say this since I fell for it so perfectly, but these kinds of scams are common. Naturally, the victims will try to abandon dungeon management.

However, the law does not allow it. Abandoning dungeon management is classified as a serious crime. This is the world we live in now. So, although I want to scream that I hate it, I hold back and deal with the situation.

And then I voice the problems that come to mind.

“I don’t have a license, though.”

Dungeons are filled with dangers. It is unthinkable for someone without any training or knowledge to enter them. Therefore, the country established a dungeon licensing system. Just like with cars, one must learn theory and practical skills, and pass an exam to obtain the license.

By the way, there are two types of licenses; management and entry. Management is classified as Type A and entry as Type B. In theory, management is more difficult, but… I’ve heard that the passing line for both is quite low. There aren’t enough managers.

“The city will issue a temporary license. Maintaining and managing the dungeon is our top priority.”

“…Understood. Please proceed with the formalities.”

Bowing my head and sighed. This has turned into a huge mess. I just intended to buy a house that was convenient for commuting to the office.

For now, what should I start with? As for the dungeon, I’m waiting for the provisional license to be issued. It shouldn’t take too long. The authorities would definitely want to avoid the so-called dungeon break, where monsters escape.

So, the free time is at most a few days. One or two days, at most. If that’s the case…

“By the way, can this be considered fraud?”

“Yes. It’s a terrible story, but it’s a common incident. It would be best to consult the police.”

For now, I’ll start from there. Also, I guess I’ll spread the word about Ryuu’s screw-up through my university connections. It would be nice if I could get some money back… but the chances are slim.