Chapter 7: The “No Homo” Clarification and the Dirty Magazine Cover-Up

The courtyard looked like a war zone.

Broken beams littered the ground between craters and scorched patches of earth. The main building sagged to one side, its roof missing entire sections. Training dummies lay scattered like corpses across the dirt.

My three disciples stood in the center of this destruction, covered head to toe in mud and sweat.

Blade’s normally pristine robes hung torn and filthy, his hair plastered to his skull with dirt. Kaoru’s makeup had smeared into something resembling a horror movie, his pink robe stained brown. Taro simply existed as a mountain of grime with eyes.

They turned toward us simultaneously, their gazes locking onto Rin.

I braced for violence, my body tensing for the inevitable dramatic reaction. This was it, the moment where they’d challenge the new disciple or launch into their usual chaos.

Rin stepped past me and surveyed the ruins with a critical eye.

“Is the kitchen still standing?”

Her voice cut through the tension like a knife through butter. The disciples blinked at her, clearly not expecting that question.

I pointed toward the eastern building, the only structure that looked mostly intact.

“That one survived, mostly.”

“Good enough.”

She walked toward it without waiting for permission, stepping over debris like she’d already moved in. My three male students watched her go, confusion written across their faces.

Blade recovered first, his eyes narrowing with competitive intensity.

“Master, who is this girl?”

His hand moved to his sword hilt instinctively. Not threatening, just habit. I recognized that look though, the calculating expression he got before challenging someone.

“This is Rin, your new fellow disciple.”

The words came out more defensive than I intended. I clutched the rolled magazine tighter behind my back, suddenly very aware of its existence.

Kaoru’s eyes gleamed with interest.

“A female student? Master, you finally succeeded?”

Something in his tone made my stomach drop. The way he said it, combined with those knowing eyes, suggested implications I desperately needed to shut down.

The village rumors flashed through my mind, all those whispers and pitying looks. This was my chance to kill that narrative permanently.

“Before we continue, I need to ask you three something.”

My voice came out strained, slightly desperate. All three disciples turned their full attention to me.

“Do any of you have romantic feelings toward me?”

The silence stretched for exactly three seconds.

Then Blade made a sound like a dying cat and stumbled backward. His face contorted through several expressions before settling on pure horror.

“Master, that is disgusting.”

He actually gagged, his hand covering his mouth. The reaction was so visceral, so genuine, that I felt slightly offended despite the relief.

“I only want to crush your bones and steal your title as Grandmaster.”

His voice returned to normal, firm and determined. No hesitation, no romantic subtext, just straightforward murderous ambition.

“Your strength is the only thing I desire from you.”

Kaoru fanned himself dramatically, his ruined makeup making the gesture look unhinged.

“Master, you are too old and wrinkly for my tastes.”

The insult hit harder than expected. I wasn’t wrinkly, immortality kept me eternally middle-aged. Rude.

“I only want your position so I can transform this dojo into something aesthetically beautiful.”

He gestured at the ruins with clear disdain, his nose wrinkling.

“Your interior design sense offends me more than anything.”

Taro tilted his head, processing the question with his usual innocent confusion.

“Master, I just want to hit you very hard.”

His voice carried that pure honesty that made everything he said slightly terrifying.

“Maybe break some bones, test my strength against yours.”

Relief flooded through me so intensely I almost collapsed. Just wholesome attempted murder, nothing romantic. My reputation could still be saved.

“See?”

I turned toward the kitchen building where Rin had disappeared, raising my voice.

“Just wholesome violence, completely professional murderous intent.”

Rin’s head poked out from the doorway, her expression flat.

“That’s not the reassurance you think it is.”

She disappeared back inside, probably inspecting the kitchen facilities. Smart girl, keeping her priorities straight.

I turned back to face my male students, ready to deliver a speech about proper etiquette now that we had a female presence in the dojo.

The magazine chose that moment to slip from my sweaty grip.

It tumbled from behind my back, pages unrolling mid-air. Time slowed as I watched it fall, the cover becoming visible. The model’s face smiled up from the ground, her pose decidedly not appropriate for spiritual training grounds.

My hand shot out to grab it, but that only made things worse. The motion drew all three disciples’ attention directly to the fallen magazine.

“Master, why are you holding trash?”

Taro’s innocent question echoed across the courtyard. His eyes tracked the magazine with curiosity, trying to understand why I’d been clutching garbage.

My brain went into overdrive, searching for explanations that wouldn’t destroy my cool master image in front of Rin.

“This is, uh, scholarly research material.”

The words sounded weak even to my own ears. I bent down quickly, snatching the magazine and shoving it into my sleeve.

Blade squinted at me with suspicion.

“Research for what exactly?”

“Human anatomy, for pressure point techniques.”

I straightened up, trying to project dignified authority. The magazine crinkled loudly inside my sleeve.

Kaoru’s lips curved into a knowing smile.

“Master, we all know what that magazine is.”

Panic seized my chest. I couldn’t let Rin hear this conversation, couldn’t let my new female student discover her master was a perverted old man.

“I don’t know what you’re implying—”

“You’ve been buying those magazines for years.”

Kaoru’s deep voice carried across the courtyard, probably reaching the kitchen. My soul prepared to exit my body.

“Everyone knows about your monthly trips to the bookstand.”

I needed to shut this down immediately.

My hand moved in a subtle gesture, channeling just enough spiritual energy to create a localized distraction. A small shockwave rippled outward, kicking up dust and loose debris.

The disciples stumbled back, coughing and covering their eyes.

“Anyway, let’s discuss proper etiquette now that we have a female disciple.”

I raised my voice, projecting over the settling dust. The magazine stayed hidden in my sleeve, its presence burning against my arm.

“There will be no more morning ceiling attacks, no more cross-dressing psychological warfare, and absolutely no more hammer massages.”

Blade wiped dirt from his eyes, still looking suspicious but willing to move on.

“Master, how else should we greet you?”

“With words, like normal humans.”

I gestured emphatically, nearly dislodging the magazine again. My other hand clamped down on my sleeve, holding it in place.

“Good morning Master, that’s all you need to say.”

Taro raised his massive hand like a student in class.

“Can I still bring you rocks?”

“Why would you bring me rocks?”

“As presents, to show respect.”

His face radiated such pure innocent intent that I couldn’t bring myself to reject the idea completely.

“Small rocks only, nothing that could destroy buildings.”

The kitchen door opened and Rin emerged, her assessment apparently complete. She walked back across the courtyard, stepping around the various disciples.

“The kitchen works, there’s a working well, and the pantry has rice.”

She stopped in front of me, her expression businesslike.

“Where do I sleep?”

My mind raced through the available rooms. Most of the dojo was rubble, the main hall had a hole in the roof, my quarters were currently a pile of timber.

“The western guest house is intact, I’ll show you.”

I started walking, gesturing for her to follow. The disciples watched us go, their mud-covered faces showing varying levels of interest.

We passed through the side gate into a smaller courtyard. The guest house stood relatively undamaged, its walls intact and roof mostly present.

“This building is yours, private quarters with your own space.”

I opened the door, revealing a simple room with a sleeping mat, desk, and storage chest. Dust covered everything but the structure looked sound.

Rin stepped inside, examining the space with that same pragmatic assessment she’d given the kitchen.

“This works, I’ll clean it up.”

She set her bag down, already making the space her own. I felt a surge of genuine happiness, this was really happening. A normal female disciple who cared about practical things like food and shelter.

“Your training begins tomorrow morning, for now just settle in.”

I backed toward the door, eager to escape before anything could ruin this moment. The magazine crinkled traitorously in my sleeve.

“Master Zenjiro?”

I froze in the doorway.

“Yes?”

“The other disciples mentioned morning greetings.”

Rin turned to face me, her expression curious.

“How violent are we talking?”

“It varies, but I’ll make sure they leave you alone.”

“And the explosions you mentioned?”

A distant boom echoed across the mountain, right on cue. Probably Blade testing a new technique in the training grounds.

“They mostly happen in the eastern section, you’ll be safe here.”

Rin nodded slowly, accepting this insanity as part of her employment terms. She really was perfect.

I stepped outside and closed the door, leaning against it with relief. Success, I’d recruited a female student and maintained my dignity, mostly.

Another explosion shook the ground, this one much closer.

The western training grounds were right next to the guest house. My brain helpfully reminded me of this fact with perfect timing.

I looked at the guest house, then at the training grounds visible through the trees, then back at the guest house.

Rin’s window faced directly toward where Blade and Taro usually practiced their most destructive techniques.

“Master, shall we resume afternoon training?”

Blade’s voice called from beyond the trees, followed by the distinctive sound of spiritual energy charging up.

I pressed my face against the guest house door.

“Maybe tomorrow we establish some new training ground locations.”

My voice came out muffled and defeated. Inside the room, I heard Rin moving around, unpacking her belongings.

She’d figure out the explosion situation soon enough.