Chapter 4: The Triple Threat Formation

Morning arrived with suspicious silence.

I sat on a relatively flat piece of rubble that used to be my meditation room, sipping tea from a cracked cup. The dojo ruins stretched around me like a wooden graveyard, splinters and broken beams creating abstract art. At least nobody had tried to kill me yet.

That should have been my first warning.

Movement caught my eye near the training yard. Three figures huddled together, whispering in that conspiratorial way that meant trouble. Blade gestured dramatically with his sword, Kaoru nodded while adjusting his hair, and Taro just looked confused as usual.

They were planning something.

I took another sip of tea and considered my options. I could intervene now, stop whatever scheme they were cooking up. Or I could finish my tea and deal with the consequences later.

The tea won.

“Brothers, today we finally surpass the Master!”

Blade’s voice carried across the ruins, full of that shonen protagonist energy. He raised his sword toward the sky, sunlight glinting off the blade. Kaoru clapped politely while Taro nodded with intense focus.

“The Triple Threat Formation will be unstoppable.”

Kaoru’s deep voice rumbled with confidence. He was still wearing that pink robe from yesterday, now cleaned and pressed. The man’s dedication to his aesthetic was honestly impressive.

“I will throw many rocks, yes?”

Taro’s innocent question made me smile despite myself. That boy could level a mountain but couldn’t grasp basic strategy.

“Not rocks, Taro. Boulders. Big ones.”

Blade put a hand on Taro’s massive shoulder, the height difference making the gesture almost comical. They looked like a mismatched RPG party planning a boss raid.

I finished my tea.

The three of them broke their huddle and turned toward me simultaneously. Their combined spiritual energy created visible pressure in the air, distorting the light. Blade’s aura crackled red, Kaoru’s shimmered purple, and Taro’s glowed a solid earth-brown.

This was going to be annoying.

“MASTER ZENJIRO!”

They shouted in unison, their voices creating an echo that scattered birds from nearby trees. I set down my cup carefully, making sure it wouldn’t tip over. Good tea was hard to come by.

“Good morning to you too.”

Blade pointed his sword at me, his eyes burning with determination.

“Today we claim the title of strongest! The Ultimate Formation will crush your defenses!”

“Sure it will.”

Kaoru opened his poisoned fan with a snap, his expression serious despite the feminine makeup.

“Master, you have taught us well. Now we shall show you how far we’ve come.”

Taro simply lifted a boulder the size of a horse over his head.

“I brought big rock, Master.”

They launched their attack.

Blade came from the front, his sword trailing that God-Killing Dragon energy. The technique had evolved since yesterday, now incorporating phoenix flames that turned the air shimmering hot. He moved with perfect form, each step calculated for maximum power.

Kaoru vanished into shadows behind me.

The Seduction Arts created multiple illusions, each one impossibly beautiful. Dozens of feminine figures surrounded me, their eyes hypnotic, their movements designed to distract. Pink mist seeped from every direction, the poison thick enough to see.

Taro threw his boulder from above.

The massive rock blotted out the sun as it descended, spiritual energy making it glow like a meteor. More boulders followed, a rain of stone and earth that would pulverize anything it touched.

It was honestly well-coordinated.

For my disciples anyway.

Then I saw the butterfly.

It fluttered past my face, delicate wings catching the morning light. White with blue markings, moving with that lazy grace that butterflies had. Something about it triggered a memory from centuries ago.

Her name was Yuki.

Five hundred years back, maybe longer. A village girl with a smile that could melt winter. She’d loved butterflies, used to chase them through flower fields while laughing. I’d been younger then, still mortal, before I’d accidentally achieved immortality through a training accident.

The butterfly landed on my finger.

Its wings opened and closed slowly, the blue markings forming patterns that looked almost like Yuki’s eyes. She’d had blue eyes too, rare for the region. I’d asked her once to be my student, teach her the martial arts.

She’d said no.

Something about wanting a normal life with a husband and kids. Can’t blame her really. If she’d known I’d become this immortal mess, she probably would have run faster.

The butterfly took flight again.

I reached out lazily, my hand drifting through the air like I was waving goodbye to a memory. Just a casual gesture, nothing more. My mind was still five hundred years in the past.

Then the butterfly did a loop.

I exhaled, trying to sigh about lost opportunities and old regrets. Except the sigh came out wrong, more like a grunt combined with escaping gas. My stomach had been upset since yesterday’s failed breakfast.

The Supreme Fart erupted from my body.

Not metaphorically. A literal shockwave of spiritual energy mixed with intestinal distress exploded outward. It wasn’t a technique, wasn’t even intentional. Just pure biological function amplified by god-level power.

Blade’s sword attack hit the wave first.

The God-Killing Dragon Slash evaporated instantly, the spiritual energy dispersed like smoke in a hurricane. Blade’s eyes widened as the shockwave caught him mid-strike and sent him rocketing backward.

Kaoru’s illusions shattered.

The pink mist reversed direction, flowing back toward its source. All those beautiful figures vanished like soap bubbles. Kaoru didn’t even have time to scream before the wave hit him.

Taro’s boulders stopped in midair.

They just hung there for a moment, defying gravity. Then the shockwave reached them and they reversed course, flying back up toward Taro. His innocent face showed complete confusion as his own attack returned to sender.

The three disciples crashed into the ground simultaneously.

Not just crashed. They hit with enough force to crater the earth, burying themselves up to their necks in compacted dirt. Dust billowed up around them, creating a small mushroom cloud.

I blinked, pulled out of my nostalgia.

The butterfly was gone. My hand was still raised from that lazy wave. My disciples were buried in the ground like human fence posts.

What just happened?

“Master, that technique!”

Blade’s voice was muffled by dirt, but the excitement came through clearly. His eyes burned with even more intensity, if that was possible.

“To defeat our formation without even looking, such power!”

Kaoru spat out soil, his makeup now completely ruined.

“The Supreme Fart technique, I’ve never even heard of such an art.”

“I felt the earth shake, Master. How do I learn this?”

Taro’s innocent question made my eye twitch. They thought that was intentional. They actually believed I’d defeated them with a planned technique instead of accidental gas.

I walked over to where they were buried.

The three of them stared up at me with expressions of awe and determination. Even covered in dirt, even completely defeated, they looked ready to start training immediately.

“Master, please teach us!”

They spoke in unison again, their voices creating a weird harmony. I looked at them, at their eager faces, at the absolute chaos they’d created in my life.

An idea formed.

“You want me to teach you the Real Ultimate Technique?”

Their eyes lit up like I’d just offered them enlightenment.

“Yes Master!”

“The technique that surpasses all others? The secret art that even I rarely use?”

“Please Master, we’ll do anything!”

I smiled, the first genuine smile I’d had in days.

“Then here’s the deal. Go to town and find me one cute girl who wants to learn martial arts. Just one. She doesn’t need special talent or destiny or chosen one nonsense. Just a normal girl with actual interest.”

Blade’s face scrunched in confusion.

“Master, how does this relate to the Ultimate Technique?”

“Because if you succeed, I’ll be in such a good mood that I’ll teach you anything you want.”

Kaoru tilted his head, sending dirt cascading down.

“Master, surely you jest. Finding a female disciple is the condition?”

“That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”

Taro’s eyes showed that dangerous innocent determination.

“I will find many cute girls for Master.”

“Just one, Taro. One is fine.”

I started walking away, leaving them buried in the crater. Behind me, I heard them struggling to free themselves, dirt flying everywhere as they dug out.

“Brothers, this is our true test!”

Blade’s voice carried that hero speech quality.

“The Master has given us a sacred mission. We must find the perfect female disciple!”

“I shall use my seduction knowledge to attract candidates.”

Oh no.

“I will build a sign, a very big sign that says Master wants cute girls.”

Oh god no.

Their enthusiastic voices faded as I walked toward the village. I needed supplies anyway, lumber for rebuilding, food to replace what got destroyed, maybe another magazine since mine was now buried somewhere.

The butterfly from earlier landed on a nearby flower.

I stopped and watched it, remembering Yuki’s laugh. She’d probably be horrified if she could see me now, an immortal mess surrounded by male chaos. Life had a weird sense of humor.

“Master, we won’t fail you!”

Blade’s shout echoed across the ruins. I heard the others joining in, their combined determination creating spiritual pressure that made the air shimmer.

They were going to make this worse somehow.

I knew it in my bones, the same way I knew the sun would rise tomorrow. Three socially incompetent martial artists trying to recruit a cute girl on my behalf could only end in disaster.

But maybe, just maybe, they’d succeed.

The thought gave me enough energy to keep walking. Behind me, the Triple Threat Formation was busy planning their next mission with that same intense focus they brought to assassination attempts.

I’d unleashed something far more dangerous than any technique.

My disciples with a goal.