The Reincarnated Villainous Noble Still Won't Try His Best!

Chapter 40 : I Won’t Try My Best

“I want to be with someone I truly love.”

Cecilia suddenly said those words.

“Someone you truly love?”

“Yes. Not through an arranged marriage, but like you and Lilia — I want to marry someone I genuinely love from the bottom of my heart.”

“I wouldn’t say Lilia and I are exactly madly in love, though.”

“I know. You’re not very enthusiastic about your engagement with Lilia. But she looks so happy. Lilia looks so radiant these days.”

“Hmm… is that so?”

“Is it something you can’t understand as a man?”

“I don’t get it. I haven’t found any real meaning in love yet.”

“You’re a lonely man.”

“Leave it alone.”

I was painfully aware of it.

“But one day, you’ll understand — what true love is.”

“And why do you think that?”

“Because Lilia will never give up on you. You understand her personality by now, don’t you? You can’t escape. She’ll catch you, and you’ll end up loving her.”

“There’s a chance she might just give up on me first, though. What makes you so sure she won’t?”

“Women’s intuition, I suppose?”

“That’s pretty vague…”

I shouldn’t have asked.

I had hoped the conversation would clear some of my doubts, but instead, it only made them worse.

“If it is an estimate then it’s fine. There’s no guarantee anyway.”

“So in the end, that’s all it comes down to. Then I don’t have to fall in love with Lilia either, right? She might change her mind someday.”

“You’re oddly fixated on that. Could it be… that you’re afraid?”

“Afraid?”

“Of Lilia giving up on you?”

“…I never really thought about it that way.”

Afraid of being rejected, huh?

That might actually be a pretty accurate way to put it.

I had always said I didn’t deserve to be in a relationship. But maybe, deep down, I simply believed that I would always be the one to be left behind.

I would always end up being unhappy. I would make others unhappy and end up alone. That was why I avoided love.

That might have been just another thing that bound me.

“But now that you mention it, maybe I am afraid… of being alone.”

“You’re surprisingly honest for once. But I think I get it now. That’s why you’re so indifferent to everyone.”

“It’s just my nature.”

“Maybe. But it’s more than that. You’re unconsciously protecting yourself from getting hurt. Love is especially painful when it ends — the more you love someone, the worse it is. That’s why you reject love from the start. You assume you’ll be hated eventually.”

“And is that such a bad thing? Not wanting to get hurt?”

“I’m not saying it’s bad. Being cautious is important in life. I’m scared, too. Just thinking about what might happen if I fall in love is terrifying.”

“Then tell Lilia to call off the engagement. Tell her she’ll find someone much better than me.”

“Impossible. That girl won’t stop. Even if it hurts, she’ll keep chasing after you. She’s strong. And I’ll say it as many times as it takes—Lilia will always love you. She will never abandon you.”

“Stop it… Don’t say things you can’t be sure of. What do you even know? No one understands how I feel…”

I clenched his fists tightly and I subconsciously grinded my teeth making a strange sound.

No one would believe a story about his past life. So I hid it from everyone.

Someday, they would meet a certain man and fall in love with them. I would only get in their way and suffer the consequences.

Even if I told them that, no one would believe me. So I decided to hide it.

And yet, these people who knew nothing of that kept coming after me, only thinking of themselves.

It scared me. It frustrated me. It made me feel uneasy.

Thinking about my future growing darker and darker left me feeling horrible.

…And yet, somewhere deep inside, I hoped.

That this life, different from his previous one, might allow him to live like the protagonist of some grand story.

He didn’t deny it. He longed for it.

But the despair that followed hope was terrifying.

And that was why—

“Hey, calm down, Marius.”

“Cecilia…?”

Negative emotions spiraled out of control once they started.

Just as I felt them overflow, Cecilia shifted my thoughts and embraced me.

“You think too much. Life is just a cycle of trying hard, getting tired, crying, and getting angry. That’s what makes it fun, and that’s what makes it painful. But if you really can’t bear it… then, just this once, I’ll listen to all your frustrations. The ones you can’t tell anyone else. I’ll bear them with you.”

“…What the hell is that?”

I muttered without thinking.

“What? You’re not happy?”

“Shut up… Of course, I am, idiot.”

“Geez… You should just be honest with yourself.”

“I’m honest enough. Thanks, Cecilia.”

“It’s fine. Seeing this side of you was rare for me, too.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said.”

With a knowing smile, she finally let me go.

It felt like she had just seen a very embarrassing side of me… but strangely, my heart felt at peace.

“Are you feeling a little better?”