Chapter 17.5: Flashback ④: The True Nature of the Eldest Daughter Woolgear

I had always sought a peaceful, ordinary life by living up to the expectations of others.

If fulfilling those expectations meant securing a calm and stable existence, I didn’t mind sacrificing myself.

Yet, despite my efforts, I failed to meet everyone’s expectations.

“□□, have you finished today’s assignments?”

“No, but I’ll finish them soon.”

In my previous life, born in Japan, my mother was a strict and education-focused person—what you’d call a typical “education mom.”

From as far back as I could remember, it was natural for me to attend cram school, and my path to middle school entrance exams was decided without my input.

There was no room for my will or opinions in this plan.

Since I was still young, I didn’t resist my mother’s words and followed her instructions obediently.

Fortunately, I had more talent than most.

I didn’t particularly enjoy studying, but I didn’t dislike it either. So, I worked hard to meet my mother’s expectations.

Although I envied my friends who were free to play, I thought I could endure this small amount of suffering until the middle school entrance exams were over.

When I passed the entrance exam for my desired school, I thought I’d finally be free. But my mother’s expectations only escalated.

Even after entering middle school, where club activities took up more time and studies became more demanding, my mother continued to demand the same high grades from me.

It seemed that my success in the entrance exams had only strengthened her belief in her educational methods.

By the time I reached middle school, most of my classmates had smartphones and gaming consoles.

Being the only one deprived of entertainment while focusing solely on studying was extremely tough.

It was around this time that I began rebelling against my mother little by little.

Specifically, I started skipping assignments occasionally.

I borrowed manga and light novels from the library.

Sometimes, I’d even sneak out to visit friends’ houses without telling her.

Looking back, these acts of rebellion seem fairly ordinary for a middle schooler.

However, my mother wouldn’t tolerate even such small acts of defiance.

“□□! What are you doing!? You’re coming home late, and instead of studying, you’re wasting time reading manga!”

“…It’s strange to study all the time. I have things I want to do too.”

“Don’t give me that attitude! Your grades have already dropped since the last test!”

“I’m still in the top five for every subject in my class! What more do you want? These aren’t the simple tests from elementary school anymore—getting perfect scores every time is impossible.”

When I said that, my mother’s face turned red as she stormed off and began throwing the manga I’d borrowed into the trash.

Even though I panicked and tried to stop her, she shoved me aside.

“What are you doing!? These are all books I borrowed from school!”

“I’m doing this for your own good. I’m getting rid of harmful distractions so you can focus on restoring your grades! You managed in elementary school, so you can study the same way again!”

My mother said this with a crazed look in her eyes.

It may sound surprising, but outside of her strictness about education, my mother was a perfectly ordinary parent.

She prepared meals, did the laundry and cleaning, and ensured I had everything I needed for school.

Even when she scolded me, she had never been violent.

But this time was different.

Throwing away borrowed books crossed a line that should never be crossed.

Her madness had awakened.

After this incident, my mother’s behavior worsened.

Whenever something displeased her, she would scream, bump into furniture, and throw or destroy objects.

In other words, if I didn’t conform to her ideal image of me, she would lose her sanity and act out recklessly.

Looking back, my mother was undoubtedly a problematic parent, but at the time, she was the only family I could rely on.

My father was uninterested in the family and barely ever interacted with me.

No matter how distorted her love might have been, my mother was the only one who showed me unconditional love as a family member.

That’s why I continued to meet my mother’s escalating expectations to protect the peace of our everyday life.

Whether it was high school entrance exams, university entrance exams, or work, I constantly strove to be among the top.

But… between me and the true geniuses of the world stood a wall far higher than I had imagined.

Unfortunately, I had only slightly above-average talent.

In my high school entrance exams, I barely managed to get accepted into the advanced school I had aimed for.

In my university entrance exams, I aimed for the medical department of a national university but failed and ended up enrolling in the pharmacy department of a private university as a backup.

Even though it was a backup choice, studying in the pharmacy department was rigorous. Here too, I struggled to achieve the grades I wanted.

Watching me drift further from the ideal image she had envisioned, my mother became increasingly unstable.

While she never physically hurt me, she often threw objects at me or withheld meals as a form of punishment.

Still, I never gave up.

I believed that if I could just get closer to the image my mother wanted, peace would return to our lives.

Focused solely on my studies, I remained ignorant of the world’s cruelty and the ugliness of human nature—a kind of foolishness in its own right.

I continued to work hard despite my foolishness.

Even though things hadn’t gone well in university, I thought that succeeding in society might bring my mother back to her former self.

What a ridiculous thought that was.

Someone like me, who had struggled even at university, wasn’t going to suddenly excel in society.

After applying to dozens of companies, I managed to secure a research position at a pharmaceutical company.

I worked desperately to keep up with unfamiliar tasks, striving for my mother’s approval…

And one day, I simply died from overwork.

I hadn’t realized it, but by that point, I was already falling apart.

There was no peace in my heart, no rest for my body. My inevitable end was the result of continuously pushing forward without pause.

Because of that life, when I became aware of my reincarnation at around three years old, I felt profoundly conflicted.

Perhaps being granted a new life was something to celebrate, but to me, life itself had become synonymous with pain. The thought of enduring that suffering again filled me with nothing but despair.

All I had left in my heart was the futility of unrewarded effort.

However, contrary to my feelings, my heart gradually began to fill with warmth.

My father and mother loved me as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

My younger sisters adored me, even if I only took care of them a little.

The peaceful, everyday life I had always longed for was there without any effort on my part.

Until I was about five, I couldn’t believe this was real and remained suspicious of everything around me.

By the time I turned seven, I finally believed this was truly my reality, and I cried in secret where no one could see.

…I had spent my life unable to meet anyone’s expectations.

I had appeared accomplished on the surface, but in my previous life and even in this one, I had failed to protect my parents and betrayed my sisters’ expectations.

That’s why, this time, I must meet those expectations in exchange for the happiness that far exceeds what I deserve.

This is my third chance.

This time, I will reclaim everyone’s peaceful, everyday life, even if it costs me my life.