The Reason Why I was Cheated on By My Girlfriend - Chapter 28

I’m Sorry. It Seems Like I really Can’t Do it After All (3)

Yua’s POV

“……”

“……”

After Kagurazaka-san ran away from the nurse’s office, both Haru-kun and I remain silent.

(…I have to say it.)

Thank you for helping me.

However, for some reason, those simple words just won’t come out.

Because those word aren’t enough.

I can’t find the words to express how I feel right now.

“I’m sorry.”

Haru-kun bows his head.

“…I should have done better.”

I bite my lip.

Then I look directly at his face.

“…blood.”

It suddenly occurs to me.

“Sit down!”

“…it’s not as serious as it looks.”

“Just sit down!”

I wipe my teary eyes with my sleeve and stands up.

Then I run around the nurse’s office, gathering the things I need for treating Haru-kun’s wound.

“Don’t move.”

I stand in front of Haru-kun and begin disinfecting his wounds.

“Why did you get hit on purpose?”

“…self-satisfaction.”

“I don’t understand. Explain it properly.”

Haru-kun has a dark expression on his face.

“I was watching from the start.”

Haru-kun’s lips are trembling.

He seems to be holding back tears.

“I knew he was behind us.”

Haru-kun’s eyes are teary.

“I didn’t know what to do.”

His words are incoherent.

He’s surely speaking while thinking about many things.

“I decided to support Yua, but I’m dating Kaguya. Our current relationship isn’t right. It’s half-hearted. But I don’t know what else to do, and it’s frustrating.”

Haru-kun continues in a strained voice,

“If Yua chose him, I thought that it would be better that way. So, I pretended to leave the infirmary. However, I was wrong, and this is the result. I made Yua make that face…I made another mistake.”

At that moment, I just realize something obvious.

I’m not the only one who’s troubled by this whole thing.

“Four mistakes. Not being able to protect Yua. Not noticing when Yua was in pain. Saying those terrible things to Yua. And now, making another mistake…the person I can’t forgive the most is myself.”

I always feel like there is a barrier between us.

I thought that Haru-kun stayed with me because of his sense of responsibility, like a sibling.

I thought Haru-kun has grown to hate me.

However, I was wrong.

Instead, he has actually grown to hate himself.

Haru-kun is genuinely blaming himself.

“It’s not your fault, Haru-kun.”

So, I firmly denied it.

“Haru-kun has always been so kind to me.”

The one who doesn’t deserve forgiveness is me.

Haru-kun is suffering because of me.

“You should hate me, Haru-kun.”

That’s why, I said it.

If we don’t part ways at this moment, the same thing will happen again someday.

I absolutely hate the thought of Haru-kun suffering because of me.

“Forget about someone as filthy as me and be happy with Sakashita-san.”

I know that I don’t have the right to say these things.

At first, it might have been a tragedy. But the choices that followed were made by me.

“That’s why…eh?”

Tears start to stream down my cheeks.

“That’s weird. Maybe it’s because I let my guard down.”

I wipe my tears away with my sleeve.

However, the tears keep flowing, it just won’t stop.

“No, this is not right.”

I made a pitiful excuse.

“That’s why, Haru-kun…”

You should hate me. It’s better for you to forget about someone like me and prioritize your own happiness.

Because I’m filthy. I’m disgusting. I’ve hurt Haru-kun so many times.

That’s why…

“At this moment…”

At this moment, we have to part ways.

I have the words in my mind.

I just have to say them out loud.

However, the words just won’t come out.

“…at this moment, we—”

A soft puffing sound can be heard.

“…eh?”

I can’t see anything.

“…wait a minute, Haru-kun?”

It feels warm.

I can feel Haru-kun’s hands on my back and the back of my head.

I also can feel his chest being pressed against my forehead.

“…stop it.”

Haru-kun is gently embracing me.

“…don’t be so kind to me.”

I’m rejecting him with my words.

But my body just can’t reject him.

“Skin-to-skin contact with someone you’re close to promotes the secretion of happiness hormones.”

Haru-kun suddenly said something difficult to understand.

“Happiness hormones help stabilize your mental state. They reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and have many other benefits.”

Haru-kun tightens his grip just a little.

“This is just something I want to do myself. It’s not like I want to comfort you or anything.”

I bite my lips hard.

Because…this is not fair.

“…I’m filthy.”

“Yua is not filthy at all.”

I want to give up.

I know I have to give up.

“…nothing good will come if you’re with me, Haru-kun.”

“That’s not true at all. Happy things will come when I’m with you.”

This is not good. I feel lightheaded.

I’m happy. So happy. Haru-kun is accepting me, even with all my flaws.

But that’s why—

“Stop it.”

I muster the last of my rationality.

“I’ve betrayed Haru-kun so many times.”

I can’t let myself get carried away.

Haru-kun is such a kind person, so I have to end it properly.

“Even just now, I wondered if it would be okay for me get carried away in this moment.”

Ending this tainted first love and setting him free is the only atonement I can offer.

“This time I barely managed to hold myself back, but…someday I’ll definitely mess up.”

“Even so, I—”

“Stop it!!”

No, no, I didn’t want to scream like that.

“You already have Sakashita-san! She’s the perfect girl for you!”

I’m the worst.

I know that better than anyone.

“I always hurt you, Haru-kun!”

If it were me, I wouldn’t want to be involved anymore.

I have to distance myself right now and never see him again.

“Haru-kun…you should forget about someone like me!”

You should abandon me right now.

Being kind to someone like me will bring nothing but suffering for you.

“Even so, I care about Yua.”

“……”

“When Yua was absent from school, everywhere I looked, there are memories of us together…”

Haru-kun’s voice is trembling.

“It’s impossible to forget about you now.”

Haru-kun lets go of his embrace.

Then he looks at me with his swollen, teary eyes, and gives me a clumsy smile.

“I’ll never leave until Yua until the day you can smile normally again.”

That’s really unfair.

If he told me so with a smile like that, I…

“…I can smile.”

I try my best to smile.

“Don’t underestimate me.”

Haru-kun looks straight at me and said so.

“The real Yua is not like that.”

“…what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just seeing you makes me happy for a whole day.”

“…that’s stupid.”

I gently headbutt him on the chest.

“I’ll tell Sakashita-san about this.”

“Well, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You hugged me. That’s completely cheating.”

“That was, you see, an action based on medical evidence…”

“Did Sakashita-san say that?”

“…how do you know?”

“I know. Haru-kun, you don’t usually say things that sound so smart.”

The words are coming out easily.

“You’ve already been influenced by her, haven’t you?”

“…that’s not true.”

“Also, you’re the worst. You were thinking about another girl while hugging me.”

“……”

Haru-kun closes his mouth. That pitiful silence is oddly endearing, and I laugh.

(…I’m sorry.)

I apologize to him in my heart.

(…I guess I’m no good after all.)

I tried to give up, I thought that would be the best for Haru-kun.

However, that’s impossible. Of course I won’t be able to do that.

There is no way I can give up after being treated like this.

(…I love you, Haru-kun.)

Haru-kun has found such a wonderful girlfriend.

She is a much more wonderful girl than I can ever be.

However, I can’t stop now.

I am tainted.

That’s why I won’t even think about having a pure and beautiful love.

I will take him back.

I will take back the person I love from a sneaky thief who suddenly appeared and took advantage of Haru-kun’s weakness.

“Haru-kun, show me your forehead. I’ll take care of it.”

“…hmm.”

Haru-kun shows me his forehead.

He’s completely defenseless, he is not suspecting me at all.

So, I play a little trick on him.

—the first kiss I give to Haru-kun has a faint taste of blood.

Haru-kun looks flustered.

I look at him, smile, and say,

“Just a little thank you for everything you did.”

“…wait, thank you? You—”

It’s just a kiss on the forehead.

Compared to what we’ve done before, it’s just like a playful contact.

However, this is the most thrilling moment of my life.

“It’s all your fault, Haru-kun.”

I told him so.

“That’s why, I’m not holding back anymore.”

Haru-kun is stunned for a while.

Eventually, he gave a wry smile and says,

“…please go easy on me.”

I know that my choice is probably wrong.

I have no right to continue loving Haru-kun.

However, I no longer care about that.

If Haru-kun says he won’t abandon me, then I won’t hold back either.

I love you, Haru-kun.

In these past few days, I’ve come to love him even more.

Because he’s the best.

There’s no one else as cool as him.

That’s why…

I won’t lose to Sakashita-san.

There is no way that these feelings will lose.

I’ve loved Haru-kun for a long time. I’ve always loved Haru-kun.

Besides…I’m more skilled in that kind of thing.

Haru-kun is a boy, so he must be interested in that kind of thing as well.

I’m not going to keep crying forever.

I’ll turn that tragedy into my weapon.

I’ll steal Haru-kun away from her.

Be prepared, the most beautiful girl in school.

Be prepared…my beloved Haru-kun.