The Kansai Villain’s Rebirth: I Accidentally Ended Up With a Harem.

A Kansai Guy Witnesses a Rout.

Today is Saturday. Shi-chan and I are having a stay-at-home date. I want her to relax completely, without worrying about a thing. The beef stew for dinner has been simmering slowly since last night; the meat has fallen apart beautifully, just the way it should. For lunch, I’m thinking of digging out the takoyaki maker and trying our hand at akashiyaki—those fluffy egg balls. Tako is expensive these days, though… Still, if Shi-chan tells me it’s delicious, that alone will make it worth it. A lazy date at home, huh. I never imagined something like this before, but thanks to idiots like Imamiya and his crew, we can’t really go out for a while.

I leave the house to pick Shi-chan up. This is self-defense, too. Shi-chan is being targeted by that flashy woman Cha-ko’s group, after all. And… well, Shi-chan has changed her look drastically. Even if old photos of her are circulating, they’re from her blonde days—she’s completely different now. That’s why I made a little request today. Shi-chan was totally on board, so it should be fine.

As I pass by the station, there’s that idiot Imamiya. Waiting for someone… ah, Tsuruhashi, probably. Quite the lively pair. He looked startled for a split second when he saw me, then immediately glared. So I gave him a big smile and a friendly wave. His face twisted even angrier. Man, I don’t have time to waste on fools. Tempting as it is to go pick a fight right now—he’d probably panic—but nah. I ignore him and head straight to Shi-chan’s house.

***

“Damn it! Who do you think I am…! This is my car! Hey! Open up! Let me in!”

Suspicious person spotted in front of Shi-chan’s house. Not that I don’t know who it is. It’s her dad. Trespassing again, huh. He knows full well that’s no longer his home. The car’s in Reika-san’s name too. Definitely not his.

“Old man, you’re back again?”

“Huh!? Y-You…”

The guy’s name is Yamada, I think. Over New Year’s, Reika-san told me everything. I was shocked—house, car, all in Reika-san’s name. Yamada was basically living off her. Sure, he has a job, but sadly it’s a dead-end post at a subsidiary of Reika-san’s company. Low pay, yet he strutted around giving money to his mistress, eventually begging Reika-san for cash. Pathetic story. For some reason… it overlaps perfectly in my mind with Imamiya’s future. That pointless pride, trying to look cool only in front of women, while treating the women in his family with zero morals.

Good men must never become like this. Even today he’s shining—literally called “Yamadaaa!” and turned into a laughingstock.

“Hey! You’re Shina’s boyfriend, right! Tell Shina to let me into the house!”

“Tell Shina to let me in… Hmm. Yamada-kun, take the zabuton away—that’s you, Yamada. Zabuton confiscated.”

“Are you mocking me, you bastard!!! Hurry up and tell her!”

“You’re being loud. Neighbor disturbance. If you keep yelling, I’ll pluck your hair again.”

“Stop it! Because of you, I’m a laughingstock!”

(No, that baldness was already there… You were a joke from the start.)

Ugh, enough… A few days ago it was Tsuruhashi’s crew, today Yamada… I’m full up on teasing losers. For now, I call Shi-chan.

“Ah, hello, Shi-chan? There’s a Yamada in front of the house blocking the way, so I can’t really get in. Yeah, that Yamada. Oh, is Reika-san there? Got it.”

Shi-chan tells me to wait a minute. Less than sixty seconds later, Reika-san comes out.

“Hello, Tennouji-kun. Please take good care of Shina today. And—oh my, you’re back again even after the police were called last time, Yamada-kun? Incorrigible as ever.”

“I’m Natsume, damn it! Same as you!”

“What are you talking about? Last year, during that huge fight, you said we were divorcing, remember? A few days later you left the divorce papers with your signature, right?”

“So what!”

“I submitted them. To the ward office. With my name properly filled in. No mistakes—it was accepted without issue. So you’re no longer a resident of this house, and the car is mine. I sent your belongings to your girlfriend’s place, didn’t I? I made sure to speak with her too.”

Reika-san is strong. Quick to seize the moment. The way she strikes decisively when the opportunity arises is something to admire. Classic “Yamadaaa!” situation.

“Oh, and did you receive the certified mail? About Shina’s custody.”

“I’ll take her! I’ll look after her!”

“Hah? I don’t wanna live with you—I wanna stay with Mama!”

“Ah, Shi-chan.”

“Dai-chan!”

“I’m here to pick you up. But first, what should we do about Yamada-kun?”

“Hey, you!”

“I told you you’re loud. Shut up for a sec.”

“Shabott!!”

He was so annoyingly noisy I ended up lightly chopping his throat with a reverse horizontal strike. He’s writhing on the ground clutching it.

“Tennouji-kun, violence is no good~ Though he was loud, so it’s fine this once.”

“Sorry… it just happened…”

“The lawyer ruled you lack the means to support Shina, so custody goes to me. You didn’t respond, so we proceeded assuming consent.”

“D-Don’t joke around…! I… won’t accept this!”

“That’s why I said let’s go to court… but you didn’t show up and defaulted.”

“Th-That’s…”

“I’d rather stay with Mama anyway. I’ve never even thought of you as a father!”

“What did you say!?”

“Shina has been adamant she won’t go with you.”

Well, he barely acted like a father anyway. How does he think he can win custody… no idea. But yeah, Yamada is definitely in the wrong here.

“Oh, and I hear your girlfriend is about to kick you out? Makes sense, doesn’t it? I was the one giving you money, after all. The car’s in my name now too—you can’t drive it. Nothing good left for you, hmm?”

Embarrassing… and he was trying to look cool in front of women with that… Wait. According to info from Takii-kun, there’s a guy around me who has women buy him fancy sukajan jackets and clothes, treats him to meals, pays for the whole hotel bill… Yup, that guy’s future Yamada for sure. One day he might wake up and find his surname changed to Yamada. No—don’t laugh. Not the time.

Yamada’s face is bright red now. But Reika-san dismantles every argument. Yamada-kun, it’s over. You have no chance. Nngh—too funny. Reminds me of Imamiya the other day. Reika-san and Shi-chan must have it rough… having to talk with an alien who understands nothing.

“So, what you’re doing right now is trespassing. Shall we continue this discussion in court? Talking here won’t get us anywhere.”

“N-No… if we go to court I’ll lose… everything…”

“No, the moment you handed Reika-san the signed divorce papers, this future was set.”

“Correct, Tennouji-kun! Though discussing it thoroughly with Shina just sped things up considerably.”

“That’s how it is, Yamada-kun. I’ve got a date with Shi-chan. No time to waste on you. Make any more noise or cause trouble and I’ll hit you with a front neck chancery right here.”

“Right now my phone is on 1-1-0… just need to press call. If I say there’s a suspicious person rummaging through the car or trying to break in… you might get arrested?”

“W-Wait… Reika… let’s let bygones be bygones…”

“That’s not for you to say. The one who forgives and lets it go is me. And I’m not forgiving.”

Classic misunderstanding. Only the victim gets to say they’ll let it go. Hmm… reminds me of Mio-chan and Imamiya.

“Now hurry back to your girlfriend. Unless you really want the police called!!”

“Or a front neck chancery.”

“P-Police… anything but the police…!”

Why do these morally harassing types have sky-high pride yet crumble the instant police are mentioned? Beats me.

“Then get lost already.”

“Hiiiii!!”

Yamada bolted away as fast as he could. Looks like the Natsume family troubles are settled? As for child support and such… that’s between the Natsume family and Yamada. My concern is figuring out what to do on this home date with Shi-chan. That’s as far as my involvement goes.