The Blonde Saint Only Makes Strange Noises In Front Of Me, What Should I Do? - Episode 19: "Yes, ....I Don't Mind."

Episode 19: “Yes, ….I Don’t Mind.”

“….Please forget about it.”

Sana, who had come back to her senses, said with a nod of her head.

—Just like the day before yesterday, she was sitting on the ground next to the vending machine with her face buried in her lap. I was sitting next to her.

—The only difference from the day before yesterday was that the three of us were sitting almost side by side, just like we were in the back of the school building yesterday.

“No, it’s not easy to forget such a shocking statement and such a strange voice.”

“You ….humiliate me like that again. ….You’re much more devilish than you think!!”

“I feel like that was Sana’s self-destruction. Anyway, I’m sorry it took me so long to talk to you.”

“……!”

She blushed and looked down again.

I can’t help but be amused and make fun of her. I’m sure it’s not good to do this too much. It’s fun to watch Sana run amok, but when she goes too far and ends up self-destructing, it’s a bit pitiful to watch. She would fade away like this. And she’s still enduring the humiliation.

(I wonder if she really likes me.)

That’s what it sounded like from her self-destruction earlier, for the time being.

It’s just that we’ve only been together for three days. She said earlier that she didn’t want to admit it to herself, so maybe she’s not at the point where she wants to go out with me or not. If I could go out with Sana, I’m sure it would be fun every day and we could laugh like this.

“Oh, by the way, I have a question.”

“What?” She glanced at me with only her aqua blue eyes. It’s cute.

“Well, about that thing in B class, are you being ….left out?”

When I asked her that, Sana shifted her gaze to the ground. Her expression was dark. It seemed to be as expected.

“You can tell by looking.”

“Well, it’s ….my fault, isn’t it? Sorry.”

She shook her head. No, she doesn’t get it. It’s because I broke the birdcage.

“Yesterday, after that, I went back to class and it was just like now. I haven’t talked to anyone or anything since.”

“I see.”

I wondered if what I did was right. I thought it was right at the time, but looking at her now, I’m not so sure.

“I don’t think you’re wrong, really. Don’t get me wrong.”

“But…”

“It’s my long-cherished desire, I don’t have to worry about them, I’m blaming them. I don’t have to talk to anyone, the breaks and lunch breaks are calm and very nice.”

I could tell that this was a sign of strength when I saw her earlier at lunchtime.

She had a lonely face and was looking out the window, … and waiting for me to call out to her. She looked completely different from the sturdy person she was.

“But you felt lonely when you were alone, weren’t you?” I asked, and she turned her face down again.

“I don’t think I’m going to miss talking to them, but …..the loss of something I’ve always taken for granted does make me uneasy.”

It had been about five years or so since her senior year of elementary school. The people who had been around her for granted were suddenly gone, and she had become a complete enemy. As long as she was in the birdcage, she didn’t have freedom, but she didn’t have anxiety either. Now she has freedom, but she also has anxiety, I guess that’s what she’s trying to say.

“No”

“What?”

“I think Sana was lonely.”

“Why do you have to tell me that, Kaoru-kun?”

“Because she looked lonely and I couldn’t stand to see her like that.”

She looked so lonely and sad.

So I guess I wanted to play a prank to cheer her up. She yelled and screamed at me like that. It was a bit more out of control than I expected, but it was more like her to be cheerful.

“I couldn’t stand to see you lonely, so I played with you a little. Sorry.”

She just shook her head and didn’t say anything. She just stared forlornly at the ground. So, I… took her hand and held it gently. Her body shivered for a moment.

“You’re not going to get pregnant.”

“I know, I know that…”

Sana turned her face down in embarrassment, but didn’t shake my hand off.

We opened our clasped hands and placed our palms on top of each other. Then, I intertwined my fingers with her thin fingers and squeezed them together. It wasn’t like yesterday, Not in a hurry, but with our own intentions, a lover’s connection.

Her palms seemed to be sweating a little. I wondered if she was nervous. No, I’m nervous as well. The sound of my heart was racing, and I was worried that Sana would hear it.

“You don’t mind?”

“Yes, ….I don’t mind.”

The voice was so whispery that if I heard a little noise, I might miss it. We held hands and didn’t say a word. We just stared at the blue sky in a daze.

I really wanted to turn my head to the side and look at her beautiful profile and hair. I wanted to look at her blue eyes more. But I was too embarrassed to do so.

I just felt the presence of the girl, namely Itsuki Sana, from my right hand.

It was the first time I knew that just holding hands could make me feel so happy.

Holding hands alone made me happy, but I wondered how happy I would be if we kissed or something. I wondered if I would die. I thought it was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help thinking about it. It was such a happy time for me.

I glanced at Sana and saw that she was also looking at me sideways, and our eyes met. At that moment, we both panicked and looked away from each other.

Ticklish. It tickles, but I’m happy and feel warm. I hope Sana feels the same way, I thought, and shifted my gaze to the sky once again.