The Banished Black Swordsman Wants a Peaceful Life with the White Saint in the Frontier ~Huh? You Want Him to Come Back with the Saint? It’s Already Too Late~ - 59

Chapter 59: When Black and White Blend

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

“Lloyd… Are you still awake?”

Through the blanket, Lusha’s hesitant voice reached him. It wasn’t so much a question as a voice clinging desperately.

“…Yeah. I’m awake.”

When he replied, the silence behind him seemed to shift slightly in shape. She moved a little under the blanket. Even in that small motion, he felt her hesitation and unease.

“Um…Did I do something wrong?”

Lusha asked, as if having gathered her courage. The same question as in the morning. What was different this time was the slight tremor in her soft voice. There was no accusation in it. She was simply seeking an answer. From her tone, he could feel how much she had been worrying all day, and a thin thorn lodged itself in Lloyd’s chest.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day. But… I can’t understand why you’ve been avoiding me.”

She continued, like a dam breaking. The sound of her throat tightening mingled faintly with her words.

“So… If there’s a reason, please tell me. I’ll be sure to fix it.”

“I’ll be sure to fix it”—he felt a new wave of regret sink into his stomach just from hearing her say that. Her voice was a plea itself, like a scolded child desperately searching for the flaws that might have led a parent to abandon them. Of course, Lusha hadn’t done anything wrong. There was nothing for her to fix, no responsibility on her. The fault lay entirely with Lloyd himself.

“It’s not that you’re at fault, Lusha.”

Speaking with his back turned, Lloyd opened his mouth. By now… There was no choice but to speak. If he didn’t, he couldn’t fix the situation. Delving deeply into it might make him suffer, and she might be hurt too. But if he didn’t speak, nothing would begin. In fact, it could go even worse. He realized that over the course of the day. He steeled himself and continued.

“You were talking in your sleep… This morning, Lusha.”

“My sleep…?”

She hadn’t expected it. Lusha looked blank, confused.

“Yeah. You said… ‘Elliot.’”

“Ah…”

From behind, he sensed her breath catch. She must have remembered something. Lloyd steadied his own breath and offered the words bluntly.

“I’d never heard that name before, but I sort of understood. He’s the one who let you escape, right?”

Lusha didn’t answer. Taking her silence as affirmation, he continued.

“I’ve thought about it in the back of my mind for a long time. If he’s alive, he’s the one who should be by your side…Someone like me… A cursed person like me shouldn’t be near you.”

“Lloyd…”

“If he’s alive and really comes for you… I’d be left alone again, right? So I thought… I need to be able to stand on my own, now. That’s what I thought.”

“Is that… The reason you’ve been avoiding me today?”

Her voice was slightly hoarse, but felt colder than usual. Perhaps Lloyd felt guilty. Or maybe she truly despised him. He didn’t know.

“Yeah. I can’t rely entirely on you, Lusha. If I can’t handle things on my own, I’ll be the one in trouble later—”

“Why would you say things like that!”

Her voice, tinged with anger, cut off his explanation. Startled by her sudden outburst, his shoulders shook.

“I… I want to be with you, Lloyd. That’s why I’m here. Living here, the odd jobs… It’s all really fun. Since meeting you, it’s been nothing but enjoyable. So why would you say things like that!?”

“Lusha…?”

Taken aback by the unexpected words, Lloyd turned to look at her. The blanket shifted, and their eyes met. Even in the darkness, the streak of light along her cheek was clearly visible.

“Sure… I’ve been indebted to Elliot since the monastery. He’s one of my few friends, and I won’t deny he’s special. But… It’s not like I like him as a man.”

Lusha wiped her tears and said it firmly. Her face was slightly flushed, yet her gaze stayed fixed on him. And she continued, her thoughts weaving together.

“Because… The one I love is you, Lloyd.”

At that unbelievable confession, an “Eh?” slipped from Lloyd’s lips. A hollow feeling opened in his chest. Words he hadn’t expected stabbed sharply into his heart.

“You didn’t notice, did you?”

A small smile quivered at the corner of her tearful eyes. Sulky, exasperated, yet tinged with shyness. It was a smile that was unmistakably Lusha’s.

“Did you think I was a girl who’d bathe with a man I didn’t care about, or sleep in the same bed?”

She asked, her tone teasing yet reproachful.

“Th-That’s…”

He was at a loss for words. He had always sensed something strange, yet tried to rationalize it as her innocence just to avoid misunderstanding and hurting himself.

“I’m not a child anymore. I understand what it means to live with a man… And I was ready… From the very start.”

“From the start…Really?”

He had never realized. Lusha’s pure, straightforward feelings had never occurred to him. He hadn’t even tried to notice, suppressing his own attraction to her. Certainly, she had been unusually kind. Throughout their journey, she had washed his clothes, cooked for him, and taken initiative in countless ways. Even now, in this abandoned village, she cared for him with the same devotion. Yet Lloyd had never considered that this kindness stemmed from feelings of love for him.

But when she had asked to share a bed, or to bathe together… If those acts came with that resolve, it all made sense. Yet one doubt arose in Lloyd’s mind.

“But… Isn’t that just because I was the only one you could rely on? If someone else had been there, wouldn’t you have felt the same? If that Elliot had been with you—”

“That’s not it!”

The denial was sharp, painful. Her light blue eyes glimmered resolutely.

“Why do you say things like that…!?”

Her voice trembled with emotion. And he realized again. Once more, his own anxiety had hurt her.

“Because this is you, Lloyd… I thought it’d be fine because it is you… I wanted it because it’s you… Because I trust you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say something so embarrassing. Why can’t you understand that…?”

Tears streamed down her face, soaking the blanket.

“…I’ve barely ever been touched by a man before. I’ve cherished myself.”

Lusha gazed up at him, her tone strangely heated, almost seductive. She was resolved as a woman, and he felt it.

“Precisely. It’s because you’ve cherished yourself, so you have—”

“Exactly! Because I’ve cherished myself, I want to give myself to someone important!”

Tears poured as she looked at him, pleading. Lloyd knew exactly what she meant. He also felt his own resistance nearing its limit.

Since being with Lusha, the feelings he had secretly held were on the verge of bursting. He could no longer pretend he felt nothing. Her every movement caught his gaze, and the faint scent of her shampoo and oils stirred him. Her skin glimpsed beneath her robes, the nape revealed after bathing—all of it teased him, and he had been suppressing these urges.

The one who had deliberately turned away from his own desires was himself. Convincing himself he wasn’t worthy of her, fearing she might one day leave, he had suppressed his true feelings.

“I… I love you, Lloyd. Am I not allowed to be by your side? I want to be with you… Always.”

She said this pleadingly, burying her face in his chest out of shyness.

I’m an idiot.

He thought so as he gently held her close. Her slender back trembled in his arms. There was warmth and a sweet scent, peeling away the long loneliness from Lloyd.

How had he not noticed she felt this way? How had he ignored it? He had been utterly foolish. Surely she had felt lonely all along, even while acting normal, and he had been oblivious. She had said all this. If he didn’t respond now, he would have failed as a man.

“…Me too. I feel the same. Being with someone and feeling warmth like this… It’s my first time experiencing this… But you’re a saint, and I thought our status was too different. I told myself I shouldn’t feel this way. And I’m a shadow… I can’t connect easily with others. Then the name ‘Elliot’ came up, and I got insecure.”

Speaking it aloud, his heart’s shape became visible. What he had feared, why he had been cold toward her… It all became clear, almost laughably obvious.

“I was scared that you might leave me. Just imagining it was… It was unbearable. So I pushed you away to prepare myself to endure being alone.”

Lusha shook her head firmly and hugged him tightly with her slender arms. It was warm. He realized for the first time that just holding someone could lighten his chest so much.

“I won’t leave you alone. No… I can’t live without you, Lloyd.”

Their cheeks touched. The tears were cold, but beneath them, her body burned warmly. His own body temperature rose rapidly. Sensing his feelings, Lusha’s gaze became intoxicatingly alluring, appealing to his instincts.

“I’m no longer a saint. Lloyd… So please, don’t hold back because of courtesy.”

He couldn’t resist a woman who confessed such feelings.

“It’s too late to regret it now.”

“Ah…”

He pressed himself over her, and a small exclamation of joy escaped her lips. Even in the dark, her pale blue eyes glistened, looking up at him. Blushing, crying, yet somehow enticing. His rationality was gone.

“I wouldn’t regret it, anyway. Because… I’ve been ready for this for a long time.”

Lusha smiled brilliantly. For a moment, her tears sparkled like stars in the night.

“Ready for a long time… Truly, what a troublesome saint you are.”

“Yes. Because I’m a fake saint after all.”

They exchanged a small laugh. A brief silence followed. Lusha looked at him seriously. He met her gaze. He had a sense of the question to come.

“Lloyd… Do you love me?”

As expected, he looked into her pale blue eyes and spoke his true feelings.

“Yes. From the start… I’ve loved you.”

Their eyes met, and naturally their lips drew together. What began as tentative kisses soon became ravenous. Feeling her heat, her breath, and her body with every movement, they confirmed their feelings with their tongues.

Suddenly, the mark on his right hand pulsed, a separate rhythm from his heart. Beneath the skin, black waves ran, while simultaneously, the white mark within her glimmered faintly in response. Black and white. Colors that should oppose each other overlapped like a single circle. Black lost its sharpness; white lost its chill. The boundary between them disappeared.

This sensation was entirely new to Lloyd and surely to Lusha as well. Even though it was a first, they both understood what it was. This was… Resonance.

The curse remained a curse, the blessing a blessing. Neither overtook the other. Both overlapped perfectly, producing a sound only possible when balanced. Lusha’s fingertips brushed Lloyd’s arm, tracing over the mark. He gently took her hand in response. They pressed their lips together repeatedly, their bodies exchanging warmth, moving forward together on a new path.

A melody rang quietly in their hearts for the first time. It was an echo that only they could produce that last forever.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー