Chapter 32: In a Bedroom for Just the Two of Us

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When he stepped into the bedroom, the semi-double bed they had just brought in sat there quietly. The mattress was new, and so were the sheets and blanket. It was a clean and tidy space, yet somehow he couldn’t relax.

If only the bed had been a single size, I could’ve made at least one excuse…

Lloyd blamed the previous homeowner in his heart. Originally, it seemed the former village chief and his wife in Zaxon Village had been using a semi-double bed, which meant the bed’s structure itself was that size. She had repaired that bed with Restoration Magic, Repair, so of course he bought a mattress that matched it… bBt who could have imagined it would lead to a situation like this?

That annoyingly in-between size of a semi-double only made it harder for him to refuse.

“…Lloyd, you go ahead.”

Standing together in front of the bed, Lusha quietly turned her gaze to him.

“Ah, yeah.”

Exchanging awkward glances, Lusha moved to the right side of the bed while Lloyd went to the left, and each of them slipped under the covers. The sound of the blanket and sheets rustling reached his ears, and the cool new fabric wrapped around his body once he settled inside.

The blanket carried that distinctive scent new fabric had, and his nose wasn’t used to it. After a few days of sleeping with it, would he get used to the smell? Or… Would it turn into a scent mixed with both of theirs?

A mixed scent…? What is that supposed to…Wait, what am I even thinking!?

He shook his head as if cutting off the stream of thoughts. It was just a new blanket. And yet he was already starting to think in weird directions.

“Um… I’ll turn off the light now.”

Lusha said that timidly and reached toward the lantern at the bedside. The soft glow vanished, and the bedroom was wrapped in darkness. Lloyd turned his back to her and squeezed his eyes shut.

If I just fall asleep like this, it’ll be fine. If I fall asleep like this, it’ll be fine…!

He repeated the words in his mind as if convincing himself. They were both pressed up against the very edges of the bed, so their skin and clothes didn’t touch. If they pushed themselves to the corners like this, it shouldn’t have been much different from sleeping in separate beds. Once he got used to this shared space, he was sure he’d be able to sleep normally— or so he thought, until Lusha so much as shifted gently, and that tiny movement traveled through the blanket and reached him. Even with his eyes closed, he was forcibly reminded that he was sharing a bed with her.

Lloyd curled himself up tightly. If he turned around now, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to restrain the wild instinct inside him.

This is bad, this is bad, there’s no way I’m gonna sleep like this…

Lloyd shrank into himself as he wrestled with his thoughts under the blanket. They had traveled all day, and with the wild wagon incident, his body was exhausted. On top of that, he had taken a bath, so under normal circumstances he would have fallen asleep the moment he closed his eyes.

But nerves didn’t allow a single shred of drowsiness. Right beside him was the “White Saint” Lusha. A pure, innocent girl who trusted him absolutely. And in Lloyd’s entire life, he had never spent this much time alone with someone. It would be a lie to say he felt nothing for her. He had found her sleeping face adorable, and when she was wiping her body with a towel earlier, his heart had been pounding the entire time.

Lloyd could no longer see her as some exalted “White Saint,” but as a woman. It wasn’t surprising that impure thoughts slipped into his mind.

“…Um, Lloyd…? You don’t have to curl up all the way in the corner like that, you know?”

“N-No! I always sleep like this. Don’t worry about me, sleep however you like.”

It was true that sometimes he spread out his arms while sleeping, but this was not the time to admit that.

“Is that so? …Well then.”

He heard the rustling of fabric behind him and then Lusha pressed her body softly against his back.

HAAAAAAAAH!? Wh-What!? What is this girl doing!? Why is she sticking to me!?

Lloyd was desperately holding onto his rationality so he wouldn’t think anything strange. And yet the girl who threatened to shatter it head-on was this “White Saint,” Lusha Catomiar. He had no idea what she was thinking.

“Lloyd, your body’s getting cold. You’ll catch a chill like this, you know?”

Still pressed gently against his back, Lusha said this calmly.

“…Yeah. We should go buy another bed soon.”

Was this conversation even making sense? He didn’t know, but Lloyd somehow managed to string together words amidst his confusion. He had no time to choose them. He was barely maintaining a calm façade. But Lusha’s relentless assault didn’t end. As if testing him, the White Saint casually dropped another line.

“I don’t mind this, though…?”

“…Sorry?”

“Because… Lloyd’s back is big and warm… It makes me just want to stay like this.”

Lusha wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. In doing so, her modest but unmistakably soft chest pressed against his back. Lloyd’s heart surged with a happiness so intense it hurt. At the same time, cracks formed rapidly in the pillar of his rationality. His heartbeat was so loud he feared she might hear it.

At this point, being this innocent is practically a crime…

Lloyd let out a silent sigh with a faint, exasperated smile. She unknowingly tempted him like this, yet she told him every night to keep his reason in check while sleeping… All while smelling wonderful from her bath and offering the soft warmth of a woman. It was a cruel situation. They stayed like that for a while, completely silent. He simply closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come… Until Lusha broke the silence.

“Um, Lloyd.”

“Mm?”

“Thank you… For staying with me. Thanks to you, I didn’t feel lonely at all. I couldn’t be more grateful to you.”

Lusha whispered her thanks. Her voice was sleepy and hazy, but beneath that, he felt her earnest desire to express her gratitude before she drifted off. He hadn’t expected her to thank him, and it made him feel strangely ticklish inside.

“It’s not like… I did anything special. Besides, you’ve helped me too. So we’re even, right?”

“Have I? Am I doing something special?”

“You are. Controlling the Malice Glyph, helping with the wagon today… And this house too. Without you, it was just a ruin. And besides that… You’re helping me in all kinds of ways. I’m the one who should be grateful.”

Being with Lusha every day had become natural, and his life felt colored because of it. Sometimes her airheadedness made things chaotic— like right now— but even that felt like a blessing when compared to the lonely life he’d lived until now. A lonely and unrewarded life. He had thought being alone was fine. But then…She appeared in that life out of nowhere.

“If you feel that way… Then I’m happy. I was a terrible excuse for a ‘Saint,’ but I’ll make you happy, Lloyd. I want to stay with you… always.”

With a sleepy yet affectionate voice, Lusha said this and tightened her arms slightly, pulling him closer again.

Always together… Does she really understand what she’s saying?

She was probably half-asleep. Maybe the teachings of the church and her own feelings were getting mixed up. Or maybe she wasn’t fully aware of what she was saying. But even that felt very much like her, and a smile slipped out.

Lloyd didn’t answer with words. Instead, he gently took the hand she had wrapped around his waist, returning her feelings that way. Truthfully, he wanted to turn around and hug her. But if he did that, his rationality would genuinely collapse, and he wouldn’t be able to stop. Maybe, just maybe, Lusha held feelings similar to the ones he had for her. He hoped that was true.

But they had only ended up together because of circumstance. She had no one else to rely on… So maybe she simply viewed him as someone special because of the situation. And… If accepting her feelings required a certain worthiness, he didn’t feel he had it.

The one who believed she was a true Saint and protected her without regard for his own life,  he was the one most fitting for her. Lloyd didn’t know who that man was or what relationship they had. He purposely avoided asking. If he heard about that man, he feared he’d no longer feel confident that he deserved to be by her side like this. He had never been close to anyone before, so he didn’t even know how to express his own feelings. His immaturity as a person weighed painfully on him.

Not long after, soft, steady breathing reached him from behind. She must have been tired after moving around since morning. Her earlier words had indeed been half-asleep ramblings. The warmth and gentle breaths from Lusha against his back. Normally, his heart would race and his mind would wander into impure places, yet her warmth gave him nothing but immense peace. Until sleep came to take him, he simply surrendered to the warmth and the faint breaths near his ear.

Just for now, he wanted to keep this warmth and these breaths all to himself. Holding onto that feeling, Lloyd drifted off to sleep.

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