Chapter 23: Extra: The Manifestation of Anxiety

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Night had fallen, and the outside of the inn had grown completely silent. But as if to shatter that quiet, lively voices and the laughter of women leaked out from the tavern on the first floor.

It seemed Julius had called in several women under the excuse of relieving stress. Using the funds provided by the king, no less.

How ridiculous.

Elena thought. Still, Julius apparently had a policy of not laying hands on his party members, so the fact that he didn’t look at her or Fran in that way was the only saving grace. If he ever demanded nightly service from her, she would probably snap on the spot and declare her departure from the party.

In contrast, the room assigned to the girls was wrapped in complete silence. Elena sat by the window, letting the cold night breeze stir her hair as she quietly regulated the flow of magic inside her body. She had long since finished adjusting her equipment. She simply couldn’t relax unless she kept herself busy with something.

The memory of the battle with the Skullhound Lord was still burned into her whole body. That roar, that flame, and… Her own powerlessness.

I’d never felt fear until now…

She finally realized that it had been because of Lloyd’s presence. He had been forcibly placed into the Hero’s Party as a “caretaker,” by royal decree. At first, she had been wary, thinking he was some sort of watcher sent to monitor them, but only after he was gone did she understand what a blessing he had truly been.

Because Lloyd had been there, Elena and the others had been able to focus solely on fighting.

“Hey, Elena.”

“Mm?”

“Do you really think we’re okay like this?”

Fran, who had been sitting absentmindedly on her bed, suddenly asked.

“Hm… I wonder?”

Elena gave a small shrug and smiled. But it was closer to a wry smile. Of course they weren’t okay. If things had been fine, they wouldn’t have needed to retreat. Her healing magic hadn’t made it in time, their resonance skills had failed, and both Fran and Garo had been in situations where dying wouldn’t have been strange. They had no choice but to run.

“…Would things have been different if Lloyd were here?”

Fran’s murmur made Elena’s hands stop. What came to mind was the Red Dragon subjugation battle. When the party had fallen into a crisis, Lloyd had stepped forward and taken the enemy’s attack for them. No. He hadn’t done that only once. Even back when they had first started adventuring, he had saved them countless times.

“Lloyd… He never said anything, but he always paid attention to us, didn’t he? If Julius started rushing ahead, he would subtly stop him.”

Elena nodded at Fran’s words. His tactical insight, quick thinking, sense of priority… All of it had been accurate. Lloyd had stood a step behind, watching over the entire battlefield.

“That’s true. He kept track of traps, magic consumption, physical limits… All of it. He handled the shopping, the organizing, the restocking of items. Nothing was ever overlooked.”

…And when it came down to it, he had fought even at the cost of his own life. Fully aware of the danger of the Malice Glyph going berserk. However, everything he had provided was now gone from the current party.

No one watched over the full picture. No one could assess the situation in an instant and give instructions when things went wrong. She had assumed Julius would take that role, but he fought only for himself, exactly as before. He could never replace Lloyd.

As for Garo… There was simply no way he could fill that role either. As a result, Elena had tried to take on the responsibility herself… But she, too, had been inadequate. Someone capable of replacing Lloyd was not so easily found.

..I was also at fault for not opposing him back then.

She regretted not speaking up when Julius had declared they would expel Lloyd. She had gone along with the decision because Julius was a hassle to argue with, but she had never expected things to turn out this badly.

No. Elena had misjudged things as well. Misjudged their own capabilities, and Lloyd’s contributions to the party. Deep down, just like Julius, she had thought maybe they would manage somehow without him. She had no right to look down on Julius. There was no great difference between them.

Regret tightened around her chest.

“I think… I was relying on Lloyd without even realizing it…”

Fran muttered in a self-deprecating tone. She was surely thinking the same things Elena had.

“Same for me. What kind of ‘Hero’s Party’ are we supposed to be? It’s laughable.”

There was supposed to be a certified Hero in the group, yet there was no true hero to be found. That was the impression they now carried. Or… Perhaps they had been wrong from the start? If Lloyd’s existence itself had meaning? If the king had had some intention behind placing him with them? They didn’t know. But it certainly didn’t explain the king’s panic when he had heard Lloyd had died.

“I know, right? I don’t think we even deserve the name anymore.”

Fran agreed. To say such a thing aloud required courage. But that was how bad the party had become. Naturally, their complaints drifted toward Julius.

“I mean… Julius is seriously weird, isn’t he?”

Fran said with exasperation. Her voice, still carrying the higher pitch of a young girl, nonetheless trembled with clear fear and irritation. She clenched the edge of her blanket while sitting on the bed.

“…Yeah. He is.”

Elena answered quietly. Rather, she felt relieved that someone had finally said it aloud.

“I mean, he always treated Lloyd like an enemy, right? Complaining during battles, ignoring him. Honestly, I thought, ‘Are you a child or what?’ but…”

“Maybe… It was because of an inferiority complex?”

Elena remained seated by the window, gently brushing back her hair as it swayed in the night breeze. Yes. Julius had felt something like an inferiority complex toward Lloyd. She was certain of it.

“Lloyd was incredibly competent, wasn’t he? His judgment was accurate, he was calm, and he put himself on the line when necessary. I think Lloyd actually protected people more than Julius, who was officially recognized as a Hero. …Maybe that’s what Julius couldn’t stand him.”

Perhaps Julius had been jealous of the unspoken expectations the king seemed to hold for Lloyd. But because it still wasn’t clear who or what Lloyd actually was, she decided not to mention that part. It was only speculation.

“Ahh, that. Yeah, that definitely might be it. And, I don’t know, it feels like it’s gotten worse lately. He tries to charge into unreasonable dungeons, and he blames others for mistakes that were clearly his own.”

Fran nodded vigorously as if convincing herself, then continued irritably.

“Even today, we shouldn’t have gone that deep. We could’ve retreated before running into the Skullhound Lord. …And yet he acted like he’d been right all along. Anyone could see he was the one who was closest to crying.”

It seemed the party’s respected healer was quite angry today. Realistically, she had been in a situation where she could have died, so it wasn’t unreasonable for her to feel that way.

“Well, no matter what we say, that Hero-sama will never admit his own mistakes.”

Elena kept her gaze lowered and let a resigned smile touch her lips. Fran responded with a groan at that self-mocking tone.

“To be honest, I’m scared now. I really thought I might die in the next battle.”

Elena shared that same fear. Without Lloyd, their shield and strategist, their lifeline now depended solely on their individual abilities. Julius listened to no one, and Garo was a reckless brawler with zero strategy. Elena and Fran protected the rear with support and magic, but the people holding the frontline were far too fragile.

If I’m going to die in a place like this, then I’d rather…

Elena closed her eyes deeply. From the depths of her heart, the word withdraw slowly surfaced. There were still so many things she wanted to do in life. She wanted to continue her magical research, and as a girl her age, she even wanted to experience romance. In that case, wouldn’t it be better to withdraw entirely? She couldn’t help but think that.

But… That wish could never come true. Elena and the others had been forced to join the Hero’s Party by royal decree. It was optional in name only. Refusal was not permitted. Being able to send someone capable of joining the Hero’s Party was a matter of honor for the organizations they belonged to.

Elena had been the top of the magic school, and Fran held a lower rank as a cleric. Defying the king’s order would affect their respective organizations. Some form of punishment would be unavoidable, and that would also mean losing their places to return to. It would not be treated as mere disobedience. They would no longer be able to go back, either to the magic school or to the church.

“…I just want to throw everything away and go home.”

Fran muttered the words as if squeezing them out. Elena didn’t respond. Instead, she slowly looked up at the moon floating outside the window. The moonlight felt terribly cold, seeping deep into her bones. It was as if the moonlight was judging them silently, quietly telling her that she had chosen the wrong person to believe in.

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