Virgin Knight Who Is the Frontier Lord in the Gender Switched World - Chapter 102

I was carried on his back.

Like a baby.

Just like in my earliest childhood, when my self-awareness was still vague.

I was carried on Lord Faust’s back.

His back was rugged with firm muscles, and I could feel his heartbeat and body warmth transferring to my body.

“Lord Faust, there is something I want to ask you.”

“What is it?”

Dusk had not yet fallen completely.

The darkness of the night still seemed far away.

My legs still lacked strength, and I was completely at the mercy of Lord Faust, who was carrying me.

“My…”

My what.

The words wouldn’t continue.

This had never happened to me before.

I couldn’t put it into words.

“How do you intend to explain to Queen Liesenlotte that you have made a grave for a traitor?”

He tries to evade the topic.

“I’ll explain. Originally, to find your mother’s skull, I needed to use Queen Liesenlotte’s power.”

Honestly, even a child of nine could guess this much.

I asked about the handling within the Kingdom of Anhalt.

His answer was clear.

“Traitor Caroline was nobly defeated in a duel by Knight Faust. As a traitor’s end, she was stoned by many citizens. That was the end of it. Who would care about what happened to the skull afterward?”

“The Queen has overlooked everything, hasn’t she?”

“Yes. After Faust conducted the duel, it was his right to decide how to bury the dead. Even if it was made public later, she said it would pose no problem.”

Even the rational Queen Liesenlotte has allowed my judgement.

So, there is no need to worry.

That is what Lord Faust says.

Indeed, my mother Caroline was defeated by Lord Faust in a duel.

I definitely had the right to intervene in all that transpired.

“So I said to Queen Liesenlotte, please give me the head of Caroline von Bösel. I will bury it in my lands.”

“My…”

Again, I try to say something but can’t form the words.

So, I evade again.

“Lord Faust, you said that my mother’s head was discarded in the forest.”

“Do not ask.”

Lord Faust refuses.

But he did indeed once say he would tell everything.

“Please tell me.”

“I said I would tell everything, but there are things I do not wish to tell you.”

I still don’t understand what I want to know.

So, I dare to speak what I can already imagine.

“Please tell me.”

Lord Faust, as if giving up, trembled his lips.

“Your mother’s head, Caroline’s head, was indeed discarded in the forest. It took time to find it. It was ravaged by small animals and insects, perhaps scavenged by some carnivore, as there were holes in the skull and the brain was gone. It had turned into a complete skeleton.”

Tragically, Lord Faust spoke.

I quietly closed my eyes.

It was the conclusion I had anticipated.

“Queen Liesenlotte sent a noble of assured character to collect the bones. She even gathered every shattered piece of bone for me. I received them and returned to our lands.”

What was slightly different was how kind Queen Liesenlotte had been in response to Lord Faust’s plea.

Was she only kind to Lord Faust?

No, she was not such a lenient person by nature.

Usually, she would have sternly reprimanded even the actions of Lord Faust.

“My…”

Once again, I try to mutter something.

Again, it doesn’t form.

So, I evade once more.

“Do you think that even if the Queen and the citizens forgive the burial of my mother, those who were harmed will forgive? In a small village of the royal domain, my mother committed a massacre. What do you think about that?”

“It’s enough. Some might say it’s in bad taste to desecrate a corpse. At the same time, some might wish that everything about Caroline was crushed to ashes. That a burial is out of the question. That’s what I believe.”

Lord Faust’s response was different from before; it had no hesitation.

It seemed to be a conclusion he had reached after much, and repeated, thoughtful consideration.

“Martina. I do not think it is good to bury your mother, Caroline. But at the same time, I made my resolution.”

Lord Faust answered as if it was a decision he had made.

“If there are those who would call it evil, then I have thought that I do not mind being called evil.”

Lord Faust’s steps came to a halt.

“I honestly think I am far from a good person. I am not sacrificing myself to God like the Holy Mother of our lands. Suppose the good people whom Caroline had killed became enraged at your mother’s burial.”

It’s a hypothetical scenario.

Lord Faust is discussing what might happen if those good people attacked.

In reality, it’s an improbable scenario to defy Faust, who is both a superhuman and a knight.

But Lord Faust was sincerely answering my questions about ‘good and evil.’

“The Holy Mother might not dodge if attacked with a war club. As the Holy Mother of the Cologne Sect, she might retaliate with all her might. That’s unclear. But anyway, I would run away. Even if criticisms rain down on my back, I’ve decided not to care.”

Well, even if he’s hit on the head with a war club, being superhuman, it would hurt but he wouldn’t die.

Anyway, I’ve decided not to engage fully.

That’s how Lord Faust spoke.

“I think it would be fine even if I ended up in hell.”

“That is…”

My.

Finally, the words I had struggled with seemed ready to be spoken.

“Is it for me?”

I understood that.

Everything was distasteful to me.

But I had to ask.

“Martina. As the acolyte said earlier, I truly want to protect you. There’s no lie in that, and I thought of doing everything necessary for it. But there’s one more thing I need to add.”

Lord Faust hesitated a bit.

After moving his lips, he slowly began to speak.

“I once pleaded for Martina’s life. That was because I could not understand, nor accept, that a child should suffer for their parent’s sins. It’s the same thing.”

It was like a confession, yet also a complaint.

“Isn’t it enough? That should be enough. I just can’t endure any more than this.”

Lord Faust’s opinion was extremely personal.

“In the Cologne Sect’s creed, even if the deceased was an enemy, once dead they are merely soulless corpses. There is neither good nor evil in a dead body. It says to mourn for the dead body. I simply thought to follow that, even if—how should I put it? I was described earlier as having acted nobly by the acolyte’s words. There’s a bit of a lie in that.”

The acolyte might be upset because Lord Faust’s words contradict the creed.

He’s not angry but somewhat fearful, worried about it.

The Holy Mother and the acolyte too.

“How should I put it. I’m sorry, Martina. Since I said I’d tell you everything honestly, I’ll speak the truth about everything. Even I can’t logically explain why I think this way. I can rationalize some reasons, but I even think they might be nothing more than deceit.”

Amidst these complex feelings, Faust spoke, threading a confusing path between condemnation and redemption. In a world marred by gray morals, his sincerity shimmered—a cruel contradiction, considering the brutal honesty of his mission. Martina, just a child, grappled with these profound themes, recognizing the seeds of something deeper, something perhaps akin to love.

“Enough,” Faust sighed. “When thinking about Caroline, I can’t help but wonder. Was there truly no point worthy of sympathy? Was her initial downfall so inescapable, a product of circumstances she could do nothing about from her perspective? Despite the selfish outcome, was there really nothing in her fate that deserved pity?”

I kept my eyes shut.

Continuously shut.

“Should she have committed suicide after failing to usurp the family leadership? Everyone might think so. But Caroline still had followers, and her soldiers were all fiercely loyal. Even if she wished to descend into hell together, she couldn’t have just meaninglessly asked them to commit suicide with her.”

I faintly understood.

Faust, self-deprecating as he might claim to be evil, was sadly good at heart.

Something about him was.

“Because all the soldiers would die, they told her to live instead. She couldn’t stay incorruptible enough not to plot revenge against her land and her sister for cursing her fate. She might have even ended up selling her country to become a knight of the enemy nation, Virendorf. That’s what I think, as a lord knight of the Polydoro house left alone. After all, I would die for my people, but there seems to be a notion among the people that as long as I survive, it’s a victory. Caroline, as a noble and their leader, had to resist until the end.”

He was purely mad to some extent.

“So, sorry for the mess in my words. I ended up feeling sympathy for Caroline. And then, it pained me that Caroline was killed by me. That’s why, Martina.”

There was something endearing about that.

“I wanted to defend Caroline. I wanted to grant her forgiveness. I don’t want to keep repeating the shortsighted notion that defiling the dead is unforgivable. Caroline was certainly a villain. But let it be. Why degrade her death any further?”

He was grieving everything, and somewhere, he was even angry.

“If defending her is called evil, then I’m fine being evil.”

It seemed like a retort, perhaps even a fact.

Faust’s values and morals were complex, even he might not fully understand them, but as a person, he accepted them.

“I vowed to live my life with this twisted honor. So, Martina.”

It wasn’t a lie.

All the words laid out till now contained no lies.

If there was one lie, it would be the words he was about to say.

“I did everything on my own. So, Martina, don’t worry about it.”

That was the only kind-hearted lie.

Faust was serious in his falsehood, but it wasn’t the reality.

Ah, the acolyte had previously spoken everything about Faust, and indeed everything was correct.

Faust was self-sufficient to a fault, not suited to explaining himself to others.

Even opening up everything to me, this was the state of things.

“Hey, Lord Faust.”

He seemed to think he had said all he wanted to, and started walking again.

So, I too decided to respond selfishly.

“What is it, Martina?”

“I—”

I finally understood, sadly.

Lord Faust was truly an anomaly in this world.

Unfit for this cruel world to its very core.

Blessed by God, born as a martial superhuman, he could manage as a lord knight of a territory with merely 300 subjects.

But beyond that, he was not suited for this world.

God must have erred in his making.

“For the first time—”

I felt something like a heartbeat against my own.

For the first time, I felt something for this clumsy man.

I couldn’t say it.

“For the first time, it’s nothing.”

A child of nine could not speak it.

That twisted pride that could even be called foolish—I couldn’t express feeling something for it.

“Lord Faust. If you went to such lengths for me, for my mother, then I—”

Is it too early to understand emotions at my age?

Maybe normal for a mid-nine-year-old.

No, what am I thinking?

I am on my way to visit my mother’s grave.

Faust had gone to great lengths, crawling on the ground for me.

Under a value system that could easily be dismissed as foolish, he had accomplished everything for me!

And that was madly endearing.

“I would die for you.”

Ah, now I clearly understood.

I had fallen in love.

Martina von Bösel had fallen in love with Faust von Polydoro.

And I had confessed, though Faust would likely not understand its meaning.

“That is the last thing I want for you. I want you to have a good life.”

The affection of a nine-year-old squire might not blossom into anything with a 22-year-old lord knight.

After all, the man carrying me was not considering this.

Unaware of the confession, he saw only parental affection.

“I want you to grow up as my squire, live cheerfully, eventually leave the nest, and become a fine knight serving at the royal palace.”

Receiving such favor, he did not think about how the other might feel.

Faust did not understand how his existence and foolish honor could evoke feelings in others.

“If you ever have a child, show them to me. I want to pat their head. If you want to repay me, that is enough.”

As the evening that seemed endless finally dimmed, the full moon emerged, mournfully beautiful and gentle.