Virgin Knight Who Is the Frontier Lord in the Gender Switched World - Chapter 100
- Home
- All
- Virgin Knight Who Is the Frontier Lord in the Gender Switched World
- Chapter 100 - Funeral
Ah.
Ah, I finally understand.
It was all my fault.
My hopelessly cowardly mother made a decisive choice once.
She chose to rebel for the first time against her fate as a mere spare, living a life adrift.
All for her only daughter.
And then, she lost everything.
It’s all my fault.
It would have been better if I had never been born.
If anyone but me had been my mother’s child, everything would have gone well.
If only she had been an ordinary child, one that didn’t attract too much expectation.
Surely, everything would have worked out then.
“I killed my mother.”
I state the simple fact.
Dusk has arrived.
The sun was setting.
The wooden church doors of the Cologne Sect are likely still unbolted.
But there’s no way I could go back down that road and knock on those doors.
There’s no one in this world who would listen to my confession.
Who would forgive this sin?
…
I can’t muster the strength in my thighs.
It’s not that they’re shaking; they simply lack the strength.
Yet, my feet still move, albeit unsteadily and uncertainly.
But I had to go somewhere.
Even if I were to stop, this place wouldn’t be appropriate.
If I were to die by the roadside, it would trouble the local people.
There was only one place left where I could go.
To the lord knight whom I serve as a squire.
“Lord Faust.”
I utter his name.
He, too, must have seen everything as hopeless at one time.
I remember his back when he went to Virendorf.
As a squire.
Standing by his side as his retainer, listening to his words spoken to Queen Katarina.
Unaware of my mother’s love, unable to return anything until the moment of her death, when I finally understood everything and despaired that there was nothing left to do.
But at the same time.
In front of me, he told Queen Katarina while shedding tears.
There might be a love that reaches the deceased, even after their death, he said.
Ah.
No.
Lord Faust and I are clearly different.
The bond he had with Queen Katarina, deep and trusting from before, is not something I have.
“You are fine with that.”
There was a clear difference with Lord Faust.
I had no such bond.
I cruelly rejected the overtures made by my mother, Caroline, even refusing the hand she had extended.
The piece of paper with the old language scribbled on it, which she shyly hid with her hands.
Ah.
I can’t even cry anymore.
Everything is hateful.
Why did I even think her overtures were embarrassing?
I felt disgust at myself as if I were something evil.
“I should never have been born.”
That was the only conclusion.
I heard that Lord Faust did everything for his deceased mother, Lady Marianne.
Carrying the weight of his dead mother like a burden, he picked out a gravestone in the mountains and carried it to the cemetery overnight, building her grave.
For the sake of the domain he regretted leaving, he managed the governance as a lord.
He rebuilt the broken relationships among the nobility and secured positions as an advisor to royalty such as Lady Anastasia and Duchess Astarte, and the second princess, Lady Valiere.
Lady Marianne, if alive, would have cried tears of joy.
He had no regrets about his life.
Even if he were to fall into hell, his vices had meaning.
Lord Faust, mourning at the grave, was surely being kindly watched over from the netherworld.
I am nothing like him.
“My mother doesn’t even have a grave.”
Nothing is left.
Not feelings, not wishes, all turned to ash.
Not even her bones remained.
My mother’s head was taken by Lord Faust, put on display, thrown in the forest, and never found again.
Her remains…
Only the remains of the local people were properly mourned by Lord Faust and Lord Polydoro.
Is there a sin in a lifeless body, to display those remains as if it’s amusing is in poor taste.
Following the teachings of the Cologne Sect, all remains were mourned after the war.
Except for my mother’s head.
Ah.
That was the only solace.
The remains of the local people loyal to my mother were mourned.
Being a clergyman who protected children in the cathedral till the end, the priest’s honor was also preserved.
Just not my mother.
She was not forgiven.
Hated by the loved ones of the loyal local people, despised by the church for involving a good clergyman, excommunicated for massacring good people.
Such a person should not be forgiven.
But.
There was just one person who said she could be forgiven.
Lord Faust.
The only one who said he would make a grave for my mother.
“Lord Faust, you said it yourself, didn’t you? You clearly told me.”
I curse myself.
That time.
When we went to Virendorf.
Without even looking at my face, clinging to Lord Faust’s back, he spoke to me like this.
“One should not speak ill of one’s mother. If it’s within my domain, I can even provide a grave.”
He said that.
At that time, Lord Faust wasn’t speaking lightly.
It’s certain that if I had bowed my head and begged, he would have truly done it.
But I cruelly refused.
I said that such a fool didn’t need a grave.
That my mother, Caroline, didn’t need a grave.
I spat out words that made me nauseous.
But it can’t be helped.
There’s no way my mother could be forgiven in this world.
Who would forgive my mother after all she dragged to hell?
…
I bite my lip.
I shouldn’t cry.
I didn’t even have the right.
It was all my fault.
Just, just.
Lamenting all of my foolishness.
Finally, I’ve reached the lord’s mansion.
It’s terribly old, the pride of all of Lord Polydoro’s people, Lord Faust’s home.
The dusk still lingers.
Lord Faust is in the garden, swinging a greatsword.
But with his keen senses, he must have noticed me approaching.
He slowly turns around and murmurs with a slightly puzzled face.
“What’s the matter, Martina? I thought I told you to listen to the precepts of the Cologne Sect.”
He’s not good with emotional subtleties.
But this time, it seemed he noticed something was different about me.
In my bosom, there is a small dagger.
One of the few possessions of this girl, Martina von Bösel, which I could take from the now royal domain of Bösel, kept hidden for self-destruction when necessary.
I thought it might be better just to die.
It would have been better if I had never been born, that leads to death.
Isn’t that the obvious conclusion?
If everything was my fault, then at that time, even if Lord Faust had prostrated himself before Queen Liesenlotte pleading for mercy, or refused my execution, shouldn’t I have stabbed my own throat?
My life wasn’t even worth requesting an execution.
I should have done that.
If I had done that properly, I wouldn’t have had to suffer such terrible pain now.
My heart feels like it’s about to burst blood up my throat from the pain.
But, Martina.
Martina von Bösel.
The riddle from the Mother of the Cologne Sect isn’t finished yet.
This insatiable thirst for knowledge as a superhuman won’t settle until I’ve solved the puzzle.
The last thing I want to hear.
“Lord Faust, there’s something I want to ask you.”
“What is it?”
A worried look.
Lord Faust, really, disgustingly sweet to no end.
With that look, I asked.
“I heard something from the Holy Mother earlier. Lord Faust, yesterday, you asked about something. You asked about the confession of the previous Marianne-sama. The Holy Mother who revealed that confession probably thinks she will even fall to hell for it. I don’t think Lord Faust doesn’t understand that.”
The only mystery, the riddle I want to solve, that isn’t finished yet.
“Why, even so, did Lord Faust ask the Holy Mother such a terrible thing? Why did you force the secret to be revealed? I want to hear that.”
That’s all.
Why did Lord Faust ask such a thing?
That’s all I don’t understand.
“――”
Silence.
Not a puzzled look as if he didn’t understand what I wanted to say.
Not a look as if he’d foreseen all that was to come.
Whatever he murmurs―even then, what does he want to say?
Probably, even Lord Faust doesn’t understand.
“I’m sorry, Martina.”
He simply apologizes.
Apologizes for everything, with a look of regret.
“I have something I must apologize to you for. I didn’t understand anything, and perhaps, I still don’t understand everything that I’m about to do.”
With his hands neatly at his sides, he bows his head slightly, as if to say sorry.
Is he joking, or is he serious?
It’s hard to discern the meaning behind his gestures.
Nevertheless, Lord Faust truly looks apologetic as he apologizes.
“I think it’s understandable if you’re angry, so go ahead and be angry.”
I couldn’t quite grasp what ‘something’ he was referring to.
I wasn’t in despair, nor appealing to Thanatos, the deity of death, just confused.
“I’ve been told that I’m self-sufficient. That’s true. I haven’t tried to explain everything properly, and I even thought that was okay. I’m terribly, terribly selfish. As Queen Liesenlotte once said about your punishment, I didn’t understand anything.”
He scratches his head vigorously.
Short black hair, over 2 meters tall, weighing more than 130kg, a muscular body.
He curls his body apologetically, repeatedly bowing to me in a gesture of regret.
“So, that’s why, Martina. Please listen to me until the end. First, I’ll take you with me. I’ll explain everything that I have done. So please, listen to me until the end, Martina.”
Ah.
I understood, so please stop.
Stop that gesture.
It reminds me of my mother, Caroline, who always apologized for everything.
I’m sorry, Martina.
“I just don’t want to make you sad. That’s truly all.”
His voice is sad.
Troubled by everything, his voice sounded desperate.
I felt as if something pierced my heart, and I spoke.
“You said you would take me with you, Lord Faust,”
Interrupting Lord Faust, who continued to apologize without knowing what to do, just to stop the memories of my mother.
I direct the conversation towards the words Lord Faust had muttered.
“Let’s go to the graveyard.”
Lord Faust murmured with a sad face.
With just that one phrase, I understood everything.
That as a superhuman, I was just sad.
Ah.
…
Lord Faust starts walking away, looking back.
Follow me to the cemetery.
I understand what that means.
I clutch the dagger in my bosom.
If I’ve understood everything, then it’s okay to die, isn’t it?
I shouldn’t be a burden anymore.
That’s what I think.
But it’s too late.
Lord Faust had anticipated everything.
If only there were no grave!
If there had been no grave, I, who had understood everything here, could have taken my own life!
But that’s no longer possible.
“Come, Martina.”
Without even looking back.
Lord Faust quietly murmured.
I silently follow.
I follow the unapologetic, rugged back of this muscular mass, so drastically misaligned with the aesthetic sensibilities of Anhalt.
I understand what’s coming.
“I’m taking you to your mother, Caroline von Bösel’s grave.”
Even without Lord Faust saying it!
I understand everything with just the mention of going to the graveyard!
The unbelievable thing that Lord Faust has done!
The end he has wrought, unworthy of my mother Caroline’s vices!
Ah.
This world is endlessly cruel.
The hell that Martina, a 9-year-old girl, brought upon herself continues endlessly.
“Martina. I’ll tell you everything about what I did arbitrarily.”
The vices that Faust von Polydoro, the man entangled in this, committed.
I was about to see them with my own eyes.