Surviving in a World Teeming with Monsters with the Useless Skill 【Everyday Items Master】! I Was Just Hunting Wild Animals with a Crowbar, So Why Is Everyone Screaming It's an S-Rank Monster? - 113

Chapter 113: A Fairy Tale Parent-Child Quarrel

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The first one to jump down was the Fashionable Goblin.

“Fighting you, Aniki, is a total nightmare, but since this is Princess-san’s request, I’ve got no choice but to give it my best.”

“I’ll crush you in an instant.”

I was completely pissed off, while the Fashionable Goblin seemed more than ready to go. If they came at us one at a time like this, things would be a lot easier than expected.

I had already memorized the Fashionable Goblin’s combat rhythm. I just needed to pound him head-on and that would be the end of it. Just as I was thinking that, Luna spoke.

“Mad Hatter, don’t get ahead of yourself. March Hare.”

“Yes, Princess-sama!”

“Huh? Whoa!?”

The Fashionable Goblin was forcibly teleported back beside Luna by Ui’s teleportation magic. I blinked in confusion, and Luna said.

“This is a fight between me and Onii-sama. Mad Hatter, March Hare, I want you two to focus on supporting me.”

“Uhhh… Princess-sama? I was thinking maybe Mad Hatter couldn’t take Tacchan, but… You’re gonna fight him yourself?”

“You both don’t understand anything. I’m really strong, you know?”

Luna put her hands on her hips and puffed out her cheeks.

“Y-Yeah, but still…”

“She’s right, Princess-sama~… You’re being reckless~…”

“Ugh, enough already! Just listen to me first!”

Luna pulled Ui and the Fashionable Goblin close and began whispering to them.

It didn’t go the way I expected, so I exchanged glances with Botan and the others as we watched to see what Luna would do. If they were just enemies, I’d have no problem interrupting them mid-strategy meeting with brute force. But Luna and the other two were basically family.

Just like she said, this wasn’t a battle—it was a family quarrel.

Once she finished her hushed talk, Luna called out to me.

“Onii-sama.”

“What?”

With a challenging smile, Luna declared.

“I hereby invite you all to my Crazy Tea Party: The Mad Tea Party~♪”

As she spoke, she somehow produced a stack of playing cards and immediately flung them into the air, scattering them across the entire area. Watching them flutter down, I frowned.

A cold chill ran down my spine. I remembered all the things Luna had done so far.

These cards—these cards were—

“Everyone, take cover! All of these cards are bombs!”

“““―――!”””

Everyone’s eyes widened as we leapt into action. First, I pulled an umbrella from my pocket. After a brief moment of thought, I tossed it to Botan.

“Botan! Protect Angel!”

“Y-Yeah!”

Following my command, Botan rushed to Angel and embraced her while holding the umbrella above them. Anything I had touched, as long as it aligned with my intent, would benefit from my skill’s effects. That applied even after it left my hands.

With this, Botan and Angel were safe. Next—

“Shachimaru! Can you make a dome of water!?”

“I can! Aniki!”

Shachimaru shot water from a plastic bottle and formed it into a dome around himself. I jumped inside the dome and quickly sprayed it with a cooling aerosol.

【Ice Spray】

The water dome cooled and solidified into an ice dome. Luna pouted her lips.

“Onii-sama, you really are tough.”

Explosions erupted from the floor.

“Gwoooooaaahhh!?”

Shockwaves. Heat. The chain explosions filled the floor and sent tremors through the entire ruin. Shielding my eyes from the fire with my arms, I watched for the right moment, then checked the situation.

With that much power, it wouldn’t have been strange if the whole building had started collapsing. But what surrounded us instead defied that grim assumption of mine.  The scene had become even more fairy-tale-like.

“Huh?”

Towering vegetation rose around us. Giant flowers—easily taller than us and definitely not there before—chattered amongst themselves.

“Today’s sun is so warm, isn’t it?~”

At the center of the floor was a massive cross-shaped tea table, decked with an elaborate tea set and over twenty luxurious chairs.

“What the—? Is everyone okay!?”

“I’m okay!”

“Me too!”

Botan and Angel, from a distance, responded. But from my side, there was no reply.

“Sha—Shachimaruuu!”

“Guehh…”

Shachimaru had apparently smacked his head on the ice dome from the shock and was completely out cold. We’d been outplayed. I grit my teeth and glared at Luna.

She and her crew still looked down at us from the floor above, smiling sweetly as Luna said.

“Onii-sama. Shall we begin the second act of the Mad Tea Party?”

Luna scattered another batch of cards. They fluttered wildly in the air currents of the floor. Just then, Ui and the Fashionable Goblin leapt down into the room.

“Ahahahahaha! C’mon, Tacchaaaan! Everyone! Let’s enjoy a tea party for an ordinary, perfectly unremarkable day!”

“Right you are! But oh? Oh dear. This is troubling, isn’t it?”

The Fashionable Goblin landed on the tea table. Tea cups toppled, shattered, and spilled their contents.

“With this many guests, there aren’t nearly enough chairs, now are there?”

Closing in on us, the Fashionable Goblin drew a blade from his hidden cane. The ice dome shattered under his slash, scattering in pieces.

“Damn it! There’s more than enough chairs, what’re you talking about!?”

I swung my crowbar. But the Fashionable Goblin was already bracing for a counterattack, so my strike didn’t land cleanly. At that moment, Ui shouted.

“Mad Hatter! March Hare has a good idea~! If there aren’t enough chairs, let’s just reduce the number of guests!”

“Genius!”

A knife teleported by Ui slammed into the umbrella protecting Botan and Angel, letting out a harsh clang.

“Tch.”

“Are you two okay!?”

“We’re fine. But…”

“Taku! I’m sorry! The umbrella got destroyed!”

“Are you kidding me?!”

Apparently, even a tough plastic umbrella couldn’t withstand an attack like Ui’s teleport knife—it wasn’t about power, but bypassing defenses entirely. Still, I had my 【Anywhere Pocket】. I wasn’t out of spares just yet.

I looked up. The card bombs were about to rain down on us again.

“This isn’t good—”

Just then, Angel shouted.

“Oh nooo~! Don’t tell me you’re planning to break our defenses and finish us off with another card bombardment~? Luna, that’s suuuch a basic move to pull~ How boriiiiing~♡”

【Taunt】

Luna’s face turned bright red as she screamed,

“S-s-s-s-s-such a boring way to win?! I would never do that!”

“Nice one, Angel!”

Thanks to the provocation, Luna had basically ruled out her most dangerous attack. She clenched her fists and trembled, rapidly churning through her thoughts.

“Fufu, Luna. You’re so cute~♡ Were you trying to beat me in a battle of wits? That’s adorable~♡”

“I will absolutely beat Angel in a battle of wits! I swear it!”

That stubbornness of hers worked in our favor. Even Ui and the Fashionable Goblin turned to Luna with confused looks.

“Huh?” 

“Seriously?”

Neither Botan nor I missed that opening. I closed in on the Fashionable Goblin, while Botan did the same to Ui.

“Fashionable Goblin, you let your guard down.”

“Inaba-san. You shouldn’t let your guard down.”

“Huh?” 

“Eh?”

【Hook Set】【Pommel Strike】 【Super Strength】

I yanked the Fashionable Goblin close with my crowbar and slammed the pommel of a kitchen knife into his head. Botan slipped behind Ui and delivered a precise knifehand strike to the neck.

“Gah.” 

“Yipe.”

The Fashionable Goblin and Ui both went down. Seeing that, Luna’s face turned pale.

“N-No way…”

I flashed a grin at her and said to her.

“Lunaaa~… You little brat, you’re dead meat!”

“Eep!”

Luna took a step back at the sight of me. Using a tape measure for wire action, I launched myself up to the floor where Luna stood.

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