After a Heartbreak, My Bitter Childhood Friend is now Sweet Like Sugar - V2 Chapter 7.3 & 7.4
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- V2 Chapter 7.3 & 7.4
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Chapter 7.3
I finished my breakfast and left the house.
I wondered if Kokoa was already at school.
I looked at her house’s door, and after a moment of thinking, I walked out of my house’s entrance.
The sun baptized me as it scorched the asphalt, and the thought of the route to school clouded my mood. Speaking of which, I could feel the damp, unpleasant humidity clinging to my skin more than usual today.
As I arrived at the classroom, wiping my forehead, Kasugai saw my face and rushed over to me with speed.
She put Kazama’s chair next to mine and sat down on it.
“Yucchi, why did you dump Kokoa?”
I wondered if Kokoa had told her the details of what had happened.
I was not really surprised, as I had expected Kasugai to know about it. I didn’t want to have to talk about it in the classroom, though. The girls near me were glancing at me like crazy right now.
“There’s no particular reason. I just thought it would be annoying to make her wait for an answer.”
“Lies. You always have a reason.”
“No, I don’t. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mind.”
“Oh, my God, why do you have to cheat? I’m not moving this seat until you tell me. I’m going to stay here until homeroom starts. Until class starts…”
“If you want, you can just sit there all day. I have nothing to say to you.”
“You think I’m not serious. I’m going to sit here all day.”
“You’re on your own. I’m not going to be bothered.”
It’s not my seat anyway.
…
…
With a rattle of the door, Kamishiro-Sensei came into the room.
“Yes, let’s start homeroom… Kazama-kun, please take your seat.”
“I’d like to sit, but someone is occupying my seat.”
“I won’t go back to my seat unless Yucchi answers my questions.”
“I don’t understand, Sawatari-kun. May I ask you to answer her questions?”
“I don’t want to! I mean, you’re disturbing others. Can’t you get back in your seat?”
“I’m not disturbing anyone.”
“Yeah, you are!”
◆
After the morning classes, it was lunchtime.
Kokoa, who would usually come to this classroom, didn’t show up, and neither did Kasugai, who would also normally gather around this seat.
I confirmed that Kasugai had left the classroom as soon as lunchtime started, taking her lunch, but my guess is that she went to visit Kokoa.
“Hey, Sawatari. Neither Shirayuki nor Kasugai is coming. What’s wrong?”
While I was eating my lunch alone, Kazama, who sat next to me, asked me while biting into a piece of prepared bread.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be able to have lunch together again.”
“Ha! I don’t know, but why don’t you make up with Shirayuki?”
“I’m not fighting. It’s normal. Don’t worry about it.”
“Then what is it? It’s weird that you’re not with Shirayuki.”
“It’s not strange for me not to be with her.”
“No, it’s strange. Do you know how clingy you’ve been lately? You always come to school with her in the morning, and you always go home with her. You’ve been having breakfast and dinner with her, right? Because that’s not normal.”
Well, you’re right. There was no excuse.
We somehow ended up eating and coming together, but normally, even couples in a relationship would not be together like that.
Even I, seeing someone else with a relationship like ours, would think that they’re in an unconditional relationship. I would have felt that it was a little too much.
“Well, that just happened.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just thought it was a bad idea. It was for Kokoa’s sake.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I’m sorry you’re always so worried about me.”
I could tell that Kazama was worried about me. At the same time, I felt like apologizing for the way things had turned out.
“I’m not mad at you, by the way. I’d be happier if you thanked me instead of apologizing.”
“I see. Thank you.”
“I’m always here if you need anything, so don’t hesitate to ask.”
Even when Senpai passed away, he encouraged me like this.
Well. The uncomfortable relationship that we have now will be resolved in time. I’d like to think so.
However, this is my selfishness, and even if nothing comes back to normal in the end, it’s something that can’t be helped.
For now, I can only wait with a little bit of prayer that the relationship will return with time- or rather, progress to another form.
Just a relationship as childhood friends.
I can only wait and pray.
◆
Chapter 7.4
A few days later, the end of the first semester’s ceremony was over.
During that time, I didn’t eat with Kokoa once, and we went to and from school separately. It was as if I had gone back in time to when we were on bad terms.
I didn’t get involved with Kasugai at all anymore. She seemed to go to Kokoa’s classroom during lunch break, and I felt like she was avoiding me. Maybe she also hates me now. If so, I guess it can’t be helped.
My friend circle, whom I used to hang out with, recently collapsed.
On that note, being the sole girl in a group of geeks is considered taboo.
After school, I was planning to invite Kazama to play with me at least for today, but he quickly left the classroom as if he had something to do.
It was no use. I’d just wander around on my own and go home.
I went downtown and strolled around aimlessly.
It was no fun to go into a game center by myself. It’s not like I was addicted to any game.
That’s right. I have been spending a lot of time alone at home lately.
Let’s buy some games to pass the time.
I stopped by a game store and looked around for a new game.
I would think, ‘Oh, this game is perfect for the two of us to play together. I think Kokoa would like it. Shall I buy it and go home?’ But then I would realize that Kokoa hadn’t been to my house in a few days, and I came to my senses.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I felt uncomfortable, so I hurriedly left the game store.
As I walked for a while, I saw a bookstore. It was a three-story general bookstore, the biggest in the area.
Unknowingly, I was drawn into it.
It seemed like a good place to kill time, and I could tell that my brain was in need of nourishment, just like a tired body needs sugar. I understood what Reika meant when she said the other day that books are food.
When I don’t want to think about something, or when the things I don’t want to think about come to mind, I want to get rid of those thoughts.
I was trying to forget about Senpai, and now I wanted to forget about Kokoa.
It was a difficult thing to do. It felt like I needed to fill in the missing space with Kokoa, and now that even Kokoa is gone, I need a new one to fill in.
And as I was thinking about it.
“Ya-ho, isn’t that Senpai?”
Just then, I unexpectedly ran into Reika.
“How have you been?”
“Hmm, not so bad.”
I can’t lie that much, so I responded with a mixture of falsehoods. When I say I’m fine, I’m fine, but when I say I’m not, I’m not.
“Are you feeling a little down because of Shirayuki-senpai?”
Yet Reika seemed to know about the situation between Kokoa and me.
“Did you hear about it from someone?”
“I texted Kasugai-senpai because none of you were there when I came to visit your classroom in a while.”
“That’s because I don’t even know if Reika-chan comes to school in the first place.”
“Well, that’s true. I somehow made it to the school ceremony. I don’t want to repeat a year because I keep falling asleep, so I have to get myself together and get to school.”
Reika flexed her arms and made a strange pose.
“Did you come here to buy a book?”
“No, I just sort of went in for no reason.”
“You are killing time? Have you been bored since you stopped playing with Shirayuki-senpai?”
She was right, so I had no words to reply.
It’s strange. Not long ago, it was normal for me to be alone, but in a short moment, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do without Kokoa.
“I think you have a talent for accepting people’s favours,” Reika said as she picked up a book piled on a table and flipped through it.
“What do you mean?”
“If you were a skeptical person, you would try to find out the true feelings of the other person. If you were extremely love-starved and unsure of yourself, you would deliberately do things that would make the other person dislike you and try to test them. Is this love? No, it’s not. It’s called being dependent.”
“I’m not like that.”
“But there seems to be a similarity. You were scared when you ran away, didn’t you? You were afraid I’d end up like that. You were afraid to show your face to your partner. You were afraid that you would cause trouble for Shirayuki-senpai. That’s what I think.”
“…”
I knew that not only did this girl look like Senpai, but she also had a lot of knowledge and could see through me, even though I was a stranger to her. She was surprisingly insightful for her age.
But at the same time, I felt that she was a little different. It was probably because of the dream I had last night. No matter how much they looked alike, I could be sure that this girl was different.
Could it be that last night’s dream was a warning from God or some occult entity telling me not to make Reika a substitute this time?
“But in any case, I wish you could live more honestly, Senpai.”
“Honestly?”
“That’s right. You can live your life selfishly. For example, what do you want to do right now? Don’t think too hard about these things.”
“Reika-chan is the one who’s talking about the hard stuff.”
“I’m only talking about simple things. Well… You see…”
Reika put down the book she was reading and moved elsewhere. I followed her to a corner of the literature and art collections. She pulled out one of Osamu Dazai’s books from the shelves and handed it to me. It was ‘Ningen Shikkaku’ (No Longer Human).
These old masterpieces of literature and art are often reissued with new cover illustrations to suit the times.
The one I had now was a version with the cover drawn by a famous manga artist.
“I think books like this are good for a change.”
“I’m not really a fan of them.”
“I feel that you’re too biased with your thinking. I think empathy and envy are both important. Everyone wants to be understood, and at the same time, it is normal to want to be pretty as much as possible. Isn’t that what life is all about?”
I never thought I’d be lectured on my views on life by someone younger than me…
But strangely enough, I wasn’t mad. It wasn’t because she looked like Senpai, but because what she was saying was right.
“The first time we met, on the day before Tanabata, I was a little jealous when I heard the story of a senior who resembled me.”
“Hmm?”
“Because there was a person who looked just like me, and she had the youth that I couldn’t get, and that she got to date you, right?”
“Hmm, well, you can say so.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone before. I’ve always longed for something like that. That’s why I approached you so strongly.”
“Ah, I see…”
“I was jealous of the person who died, and even though I knew you had a childhood friend who liked you, I still went after you. I thought that it was convenient that the senior who looked like me was your ex-girlfriend who died. It was my chance to experience love.”
So that’s why she was coming for me.
“For myself, I discarded others’ feelings, even envied the dead, and went all out! I may be sickly, but I’m a carnivorous girl.”
Sickly but carnivorous is quite impactful. But as expected of Reika, who’s different from Senpai.
“Senpai, do you despise me?”
“Hmm, no, not at all. It’s not like I lost anything because of you. It’s just that I wouldn’t have known about it unless you had told me. I think it’s rather sincere of you to take the trouble to tell me.”
“Well, that’s the way it’s got to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what it means to be selfish and play dirty, Senpai. Everyone’s the same. I felt like since you were having a hard time, I should tell you.”
Selfish and dirty, and everyone’s the same, huh?
“Well, thank you.”
It wasn’t like anything would change after what I just heard, but I knew Reika was trying to cheer me up.
“I’ve got to go to the hospital now, so I’ll be going soon. Oh, by the way, Senpai.”
“Hmm?”
“If you are interested in going out with me, please let me know. I’ll be waiting for you. And it’s not a lie.”
It was a rather impudent statement to make while being friends with Kokoa.
However, it was also like her. Apparently, what she said to me in the club room that day was not a joke.
“I’ll think about it.”
I waved goodbye to Reika.
◆