After a Heartbreak, My Bitter Childhood Friend is now Sweet Like Sugar

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Chapter 6.14

What surprised me when I entered Reika’s room was the number of books.

In the corner of the elegant, Whitish Western-style room, a giant bookshelf stood tall against the wall. Even the shelf where the TV was set up had space for books, and the many book spines were lined up to show off their titles.

The room was probably about ten tatami mats, which was quite large for a kid’s room. We walked down a long corridor to get to this room, and I could see from that the house had a high level of livelihood, just like its exterior.

To put it simply, it smelled of rich people.

“Are you feeling better already?”

“Thank you, I’m fine, but I had to take a day off from school, so boredom almost killed me.”

Reika-chan pulled a small table from a corner to the center of the room and sat down. She told us to have a seat, so Kokoa and I sat there as well.

“Here’s a gift for you.”

“Wow, thank you very much. Oh, yes, I’ll go make some tea. Let’s eat together.”

“No, I can’t let a sick person do that…”

“It’s all right. I can still make some tea.”

Reika got up and left the room.

In the meantime, I sat down and looked around the room. The bookshelves were lined with various books, from classic literary works to modern novels, mysteries, science fiction, and light novels.

Reika said that she was on the library committee. I wondered if she had read all the books in here. I mean, if all of these books belong to her, I’m sure she’s a bookworm, but that’s not enough of an explanation.

After looking at the books idly, I looked at the desk. On top of the pretty, antique study desk was a photo frame.

I got up and walked closer to see a picture of a slightly younger Reika and a man who looked exactly like me. I see. This must be Reika’s older brother. He looks just like me. However, we’re not the same as Reika-chan and Senpai.

“Oh, this book…”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, there’s a book I know.”

On the cover of the book that Kokoa was looking at was the title, ‘The World Without You, The World with You.’ The author’s name is Erika Kishi.

“It’s the book I told you about the other day.”

“Oh, you mean that one?”

It’s about meeting your supposedly dead lover in a parallel world and being forced to choose between him and your lover in the original world. Well. The ending seems to be faithful to human desire, choosing both that is.

Just then, the door opened, and Reika came inside.

“Are! Have you been looking at the book?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“No, actually, that book is…”

Reika-chan came up to us after putting some tea on the table.

“I just finished reading this book the other day.”

“That’s a coincidence. That’s the book my father wrote.”

“…What?”

My voice was also overshadowed by Kokoa’s.

The author of this book is Reika’s father?

“Actually, my father is a writer.”

“But Erika…”

“He says it’s better to be mysterious if anyone doesn’t know if you’re a man or a woman. You won’t be exposed at all.”

Reika pulled the book off the shelf.

“By the way, Kishi is the opposite of Shiki, and Erika is an anagram of Reika. He just rearranged the first two letters. He made his debut as a writer right around the time I was born, and he said it was a youthful indiscretion. This is also a secret, though.”

After flipping through the book, Reika smiled and returned to the table, inserting it back into the bookshelf.

We sat around the table with Reika and had a cup of tea with the pudding Kokoa brought as a gift.

“I’ve always loved books. My parents bought me many books, and they never gave me any problems. In my opinion, books are like food.”

“You eat books?”

I imagined Reika eating a book.

“I’m not a goat. I don’t eat it with my mouth. I eat with my brain. They become my blood and flesh, and the books I read live inside me. They become the important nutritional value that forms my existence.”

“Nutritional value?”

“Do you have a favourite book, Shirayuki-Senpai?”

“I like your father’s books, Reika-chan. It always surprises me to the end with its two-sided structure, and above all, I feel a kind of envy for the characters’ self-centred, selfish, and human aspects.”

“It really shows his personality. Dad, he’s very childish in the house. He’s dynamic and direct, and I don’t want to respect him too much for his personality. I’m grateful to him, though, for raising me.”

Reika, you say some pretty outrageous things about your father.

“Do you look like any of the characters?”

“It’s not that he resembles them; he just exudes them. If I may say so, there is no such thing as a work separate from its author. A story comes from the blood and tears of the author, nurtured by the food they eat, in the form of dialogue and sentences. It doesn’t mean that the characters speak for the author’s way of thinking. It’s a natural biological process where the knowledge you’ve cultivated, the sights and sounds of the world you’ve seen and heard, give heat to the story and imbue the characters with soul.”

Reika spoke eloquently.

People say that otakus tend to speak for long and quickly when talking about their favourite things. That was exactly what Reika was doing right now.

“Do you have a favourite book, Senpai?”

“I…”

My favourite book.

I’m not much of a reader, and when asked about it, I couldn’t come up with anything quickly, but…

“Kenji Miyazawa, I guess.”

I answered.

“I don’t know why, but I can relate to the stories.”

“I see. I see. You sympathize with Kenji Miyazawa. Oh, I think I understand. He’s so simple… like a piece of candy. Did you know that? Many people who like Kenji Miyazawa don’t like Osamu Dazai.”

“He writes sugar-coated stories that are beautiful and kind, but they are so beautiful they reject all that is dirty. Did you also know that people who like Osamu Dazai often dislike Kenji Miyazawa? They are the exact opposites.”

I was shocked.

Reika’s sensibilities are similar to my Senpai.

My heart jumped as I remembered what my Senpai had said to me a long time ago.

However, the resemblance between the two of them is so striking that… I suddenly felt funny and wanted to start laughing, but I tried my best to hold it in so that it wouldn’t erupt.

“I don’t know if it’s true, and I feel like I’m biased, but they sure are somewhat opposites.”

“Do I seem naive to you?”

“I don’t think so. I think you’re not good at being self-centred. You seem to be passive, reserved, lacking self-esteem, and you also seem to be someone who doesn’t like to get involved with others.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be absurd.”

Correction, it seems that Reika’s recklessness was not just limited to her father.

She is a little bit of a mouthful, or maybe she’s just being honest.

“You seem to be cold to the world. You should make your life more exciting. And have some more meat.”

Meat?

“If I eat meat, will it change anything?”

“It seems to give you strength, doesn’t it? It’ll make you more active. I’ll be able to forget about my sickly body and run around outside. That’s why I like meat. I also like to eat a lot of it. And more than Kenji Miyazawa…”

“You like Dazai Osamu?”

“How did you know that?”

“Someone once told me about it.”

Some time ago, Senpai told me the same thing.

And this girl, Reika, resembles her a lot.

“I see, you are right. I want to live my life to the fullest like the person I am. I don’t want to live for the sake of someone else, to say something beautiful. I think I have no regrets that way.”

“… I see.”

The gravity of Reika’s illness doesn’t matter anymore.

She has the will to live, and she decided how to. The rest was not for others to hear, nor does it matter. I’m glad that I came to visit her.

I wonder if my Senpai could have lived like that. No, I don’t worry about it. I’m sure she could have. That’s the kind of person she was.

Books were also a kind of food with a nutritional value that nurtured people.

No, it wasn’t just books. Maybe everything a person has touched or encountered, or even the things we’re talking about now, are all ‘living food’ that affects that person.

That’s why, when I see Reika, I remember my Senpai. I got that kind of sustenance, and now I’m here.

I think I understand now.

I’ve been feeling strange about myself for a long time.

That day, Reika told me about taking over her place, and my heart sunk in.

Just like Reika’s desire for meat, I also wanted it. Unconsciously and unaware of it, naturally. In order to feed off of it.

Suddenly, I looked at Kokoa.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing. More importantly, Kokoa, didn’t you have something to tell Reika-chan?”

“Oh. Well, Reika-chan, I mean…”

Kokoa seems to be having a hard time saying something. I wonder what she was trying to say.

“Let’s be friends again.”

“What? I’m glad to hear it, but again, what’s going on?”

“Well, you know, you look like someone Yuu liked, so I thought you were using his feelings to… you know that.”

Eh …

Wait, Kokoa-san, what?

“Pfft. Hahahaha!”

“Wait, don’t laugh! I know what I’m saying is embarrassing!”

“It’s embarrassing but also funny. I never thought I’d be told something like that. In short, Shirayuki-senpai was thinking of me as her love rival. Senpai… well, for Sawatari-senpai, right?”

“… Yes.”

In an embarrassed, little voice, Kokoa answered.

So that’s what she wanted to talk about.

I was starting to feel embarrassed too.

“I don’t mind. But, are you sure? I might start messing with him.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen. Oh, by the way, would you like to exchange your LINE?”

“I’d be happy to.”

Kokoa’s shy demeanour changed, and she was now saying it with dignity.

You’ve become stronger, Kokoa.

Compared to that, I…

At that moment, the phone that Reika was holding in her hand to exchange LINE with Kokoa started to make a sound.

“Excuse me, Senpai, I have a call… Huh? It’s from Onii-chan?”