After a Heartbreak, My Bitter Childhood Friend is now Sweet Like Sugar - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Diary After Annoyance

May 8th (Sunny)

I bought a diary today. Its purpose is to write down my feelings for the person I love.

Yes. Because I don’t know when and where these feelings will disappear. Because I never know when and where he’ll disappear.

Ironically, I learned about the possibility of losing something through someone I love.

This is an insurance policy, a precautionary measure so that I will never forget it. I am sure that the feelings I have now will be important throughout my life.

Because first love only happens once.

May 12th (Cloudy) 

I have to clean his room.

Since he’d been depressed, I did some research on human psychology and found that a messy room is not good for the mind and the body. There’s also a common belief that if you stay in a dirty room, your soul becomes cloudy.

I have to clean his room. If he doesn’t want to, I’ll just do it myself. If he says it’s a nuisance, I’m prepared to fight back. I’ve to do my best.

May 13th (Cloudy, then sunny)

His room is now clean. I also polished the windows, so they’re sparkling clean.

After it was done, we talked about our parents. I have a lot of problems with my mom, and Yū hasn’t been getting along with his parents either. 

Guess I am attracted to him partly because he is somewhat like me, and I can relate to him. I have a feeling that he understands me better than anyone else.

Though it might be a selfish expectation, and I don’t know whether I should feel that way towards him, I can’t help it because it’s how I feel. Guess I depend on him.

I want to grow up quickly and become stronger.

May 14th (Sunny)

I went shopping with Yū.

When I taught him some tips on how to shop, he asked me if I was a high school student. That was rude. Cooking starts with choosing the ingredients, and economically getting good food is the first step.

While we were shopping, he asked me if I would like to have dinner with him in the future. Yū seemed to have said it without a second thought, but honestly, it was too much. It’s too dangerous. I was so embarrassed, but I agreed.

I mean, come on. The fact that he doesn’t realize it is bad. It means that he’s saying it without any ulterior motive. He’s a natural, and he’s got a knack for seducing people.

When we got home, we talked about how I used to be a terrible cook.

That’s right. I was clumsy, but I tried my best to learn how to cook. I heard that Yū’s parents didn’t cook for him, so it was only natural to cook for him, right? I studied and practiced over and over again to train myself. I also gained confidence that I would never lose to the girls around me. In the end, though, Yū ended up having a girlfriend.

… But now, I honestly think it was a good thing that I practiced at that time.

Seeing his smile makes me happy more than anything.

May 15th (Sunny and sometimes cloudy) 

Kasugai-san suggested that we go to a game center. 

She said there was no particular reason, but she wanted to play with our group. I had no reason to refuse, so I went along.

No, wrong. I’m sorry for lying. I had a reason to go: Yū was going too.

At the game center, we talked about the stuffed animal he gave me when I was in fifth grade. He gave it to me as a birthday gift, and I still have it in my room as my treasure.

I asked him, “Did you get the stuffed animal at this game center that you gave me as a birthday present?” But he said, “No, I don’t remember.” 

When he gave it to me, I frantically looked up what kind of stuffed animal it was. He lied and said that it was a long time ago, so he forgot about it.

Then we decided to do that thing where you take a picture and print out a sticker. Kazama said he couldn’t take pictures, so it was just the three of us.

The stickers that came out showed a happy Kasugai-san, a blushing me, and a slightly embarrassed Yū, who was surrounded by two girls.

I decided to put the sticker in my diary, thinking of it as a precious picture of me with him.

May 18th (Sunny)

Yū asked me to let him copy my notes. He said that he hadn’t been able to take any notes while he was absent from school.

Of course, I agreed. Since it was a good opportunity, I decided to go along with a photocopy, though I lied to him that I forgot to pay the electricity bill.

It was because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. And I thought there was a chance where I could suggest that we study for the test together. That way, I could spend more and more time with Yū.

The promise of studying for the test was also successfully made. Everything went according to plan.

That night, I immediately studied with Yū.

On the way, I wondered if he had ever studied with his senpai, who was no longer with us. As I was thinking about it, I couldn’t help but stare at his face, and our eyes met.

In my impatience, I replied that the reason I was looking at him was that he looked funny. I was embarrassed, indignant, but I wasn’t lying. Ever since I knew him, his face has been either relieving, exciting, or painful. One of those three.

I was so embarrassed that I dropped my eraser under the desk, and when I tried to pick it up, our hands touched.

Why was he so surprised? And I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared at him with a frown.

Feeling fiercely sorry for myself for my not-so-cute reaction, I suggested making coffee to side-track the conversation and escape.

When I asked him if he wanted sugar, he replied that he didn’t want any. I replied that I would add plenty. I’m not a fan of bitterness.

When I made the coffee, Yū drank it and shouted, “Bitter…” It was a reaction I expected because I’m sure he wasn’t a fan of bitter either.

I’m sure he started drinking black coffee to match up with his senpai. 

When I see his face at times like this, it makes me feel bitter and painful.

… I hate bitter things.

May 25th (Sunny)

The first day of the test.

I was restless from this morning. It was not because I was anxious about my test, but because I was worried about whether or not Yū could solve the test correctly.

I was so anxious that I tried to sneak out to check on him during the break but ran into him.

On our way home from school, I decided to buy lunch and dinner at a convenience store. I don’t usually buy such things, but I did buy a lot of melonpans for the occasion. Studying for a test takes a lot of brainpower, and it wouldn’t hurt to give myself a treat at least once in a while.

I love melonpan. It looks a bit like him. That part is also very lovely.

When we ate it, it happened to be an indirect kiss.

Yū asked, “Why do you care about it now?” What a question… Seriously? I care now because it’s too late!

His lack of delicacy kinda makes me mad!      

May 27th (Sunny)

I finished all my tests.

The results might not be as good as usual, but there’s no point in worrying about what’s already done. During homeroom after school, I received a text from Kasugai-san. She wanted to invite Yū and Kazama to karaoke.

I had nothing to do, and if Yū is going, there’s no reason for me to refuse. Besides, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to go to karaoke with him for a long time.

I had been practicing singing since he fell in love with a senior from the light music club, and I wanted to compete with her. A friend of mine who was good at singing taught me diligently. It’s kind of an embarrassing and silly story.

However, when I arrived there, an accident happened. Kasugai-san and Kazama-kun had left for family reasons. Although I had practiced the song for Yū, I was too embarrassed to sing alone.

We spent a lot of time staring at each other without a song. Then, Yū asked me if I wanted to leave without playing one.

I didn’t want to do that. I wanted him to listen to the song since we had come all this way. So I decided to ask him to accompany me, giving him a good reason, such as wanting to practice.

Some say that if you lie, you’ll go to hell, but as long as I’m with Yū, I’m sure I’ll go straight to hell! I suddenly found myself lying a lot. When I became aware of it, I felt embarrassed again, with my heart beating even harder.

Yū’s reaction to my singing was better than I had expected. He blankly stared at me, fawning.

Seeing him like that didn’t make me feel proud; it made me happy, and I was glad about the bottom of my heart that I practiced singing. Yes, hard work should be rewarded.

It was for this moment that I had worked so hard.

June 3rd (Sunny)

It was a long day. My grades dropped significantly, and the teacher questioned me about my results during lunch. To make matters worse, Yū, who was the last person I wanted to know about it, was there and saw me being questioned.

I felt embarrassed that he knew about it, but I didn’t want him to feel bothered by it. Above all, it wasn’t really his fault that my grades dropped. The fact that he was near me made it difficult for me to concentrate. It was the weakness of my own heart that made me want to stay close to him, even if only for a little while.

Then, when I returned to my room, admonishing him for trying to apologize for what he thought was his fault, there was a second problem.

For some reason, my mother was at home.

For a moment, I had a bad premonition, and I was right. Apparently, she had come to ask about my school grades. I wondered if it was bad timing or if she had planned from the beginning.

I didn’t want to argue with her because I knew I was being selfish. I’m also obliged. Although I did not want to talk about going to America, I was still willing to listen.

But…

“You’re still a kid. That’s why you’re speaking such nonsense. You don’t understand the hardships of an adult. You’ve to work hard to get a job, get a good salary, and get a good husband. If you can’t become the best, you won’t get anywhere in life, and for that reason–”

This is where she went wrong.

I have to decide what to do with myself. I’ll choose my job and who I marry. I don’t care if it’s my parents or not, I’m not going to be dictated what to do.

I have someone I love.

When I came to my senses, I had left the apartment as if to run away. I didn’t even think about the future.

Yū, who was following me, told me to go to a park in the neighbourhood. It was a park filled with memories of him. It’s the park where we used to play together when we were little.

It has been a long time since the time I wanted to hate Yū, but before that, I used to visit this place often when I was troubled thinking about my painful first love.

Yes, I always remembered. All I could do was think back. A new photo was added to the old folder of such memories. I will never forget this day.

Afterward, we went to Ten-chan’s ramen shop. It was another place that Yū and I used to visit. It had been a long time since we last ate together, and I was really happy to be able to do so, but then I got into trouble because Ten-chan was about to tell him that she taught me to sing and the purpose of our karaoke visit.

Then, Yū started saying that he wanted to persuade my mother. I didn’t want to involve him, who had nothing to do with this, so I tried to reject him, but he was adamant, and I had to comply. He said it was for my good. When he said he would do something for me… there’s no way I could refuse.

I was happy and embarrassed, but mostly happy.

I was surprised when he decided to get down on his knees when confronted by my mother, but he wasn’t feeling shame. I was the ashamed one. Even though I’m old enough, I still don’t get along with my mother, and we still have arguments. We had a misunderstanding when my father died, and we still haven’t been able to fix our relationship.

Seeing him bowing for me─ I thought he was so cool.

I guess I fell in love again.

Yeah, I knew he was a cheater.

When should I tell him so that he won’t be bothered by it?

Because I’m sure he hasn’t sorted out his feelings yet.

The fact that I can’t see him makes my feelings more intense. Knowing that I might lose him again makes me want him desperately.

After all, my rival in love was too powerful.

Translator- Devxtt

Editor – Seventails