She is Reading My Thoughts Again Today - Chapter 54

Self-Awareness

Before I go to sleep, I finish my weekend assignment which had been given to me. I also prepare myself as much as I could for the quiz tomorrow. I’m still a little nervous about the quiz, but if I do it after taking a proper sleep and review it again during the break, I should be able to do it well.

Then I organize the things in my backpack for tomorrow. The time shows fifteen minutes before midnight. I prepare my bed and quickly go into the futon.

I close my eyes and think back about the message Mikinori sent me around noon. The transfer student is going to be in Mikinori’s class tomorrow. For him, who has been out of the prefecture until now, being in different classes would be a trivial matter, and he will surely come after Kisaragi. I hope what happened to her in middle school won’t happen again, but I wonder if he truly realizes the impact of what he did on Kisaragi. It’s even doubtful that he realizes about the treatment he gave to Kisaragi in the first place. If he does realize, is it too much to imagine that he would blame himself and pretend that his love for Kisaragi had never existed? Kisaragi said that his feelings are too heavy, so in other words he is so single-minded about his love for Kisaragi. I don’t know why but he is so single-mindedly devoted to Kisaragi. I shouldn’t think that way.

Like a sigh, unsaid words leave my mouth. If you keep staring into the darkness, the ceiling becomes vaguely visible.

‘Do you hate me?’

Those words keep repeating itself in my head over and over again.

“…you idiot.”

How can I hate her? It’s because I don’t hate her, I want her to have a normal life which she wants so badly that she cried. If she can’t read thoughts, she won’t know anyone’s evil intentions. Above all, she would be able to go to her favourite movies with a peaceful mind.

Yet, my foolish self is afraid that she will go to that transfer student. It’s not because his personality, but if possible, I just don’t want her to go to anyone else.

I love Nao Kisaragi.

I hope she talks in the same tone as she usually does. The warmth in her eyes when she looks at me, the smile that made me fall in love with her. Most of all, I hate myself for feeling relived rejecting her. Damn it. I’m the one who is stupid. A self-mocking smile breaks out from my mouth. I don’t know how to suppress my feelings for her. I wonder if she already notices my feelings for her. Perhaps she already noticed it, that’s why she’s smiling at me like that. I’m just an insensitive person who finally realizes my own feelings at the very last minute. I’m such an idiot.

However, of course I had asked myself and wondered that if the feelings I have for her is because I truly love her, or it is just a misunderstanding of our friendship because I don’t have any girl friends before. However, I have fallen in love with Nao Kisaragi to an extent that such doubts won’t even bother me anymore.

Even if she knows that I love her… No, I don’t think that’s good. I don’t think it’s good, but I still think it’s fine. It’s still wonderful.

Now that I’m aware of my feelings, how should I face her tomorrow?  Of course, there is no point thinking about it, my sleepiness is slowly taking my consciousness away. I wonder if I should face her as usual tomorrow. I stop thinking about it, close my eyes and drift off to sleep.