[Sad News] Living Together with the Unattainable Beauty—Her Overwhelming Affection Is Way Too Calculated - 44-45

Chapter 44: Heartache and Regret

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They were dancing happily, Fujigaya-san and Yamada. The campfire’s blazing flames cast their silhouettes in a way that was both fantastical and cruelly beautiful.

Yamada’s confident, light steps. Fujigaya-san’s slightly bashful, yet happy smile. The cheerful shouts and handclaps of the students around them. All of it felt like an event in a completely different world from this dark, cold place where I stood.

Watching that scene, something deep in my chest tightened and ached as if gripped by a giant vise — hard and merciless. What was this pain? A sharp, cold, helpless pain I had never felt before. It was as if an ice knife were gouging directly into my heart.

Breathing was difficult. Standing was painful. My stomach churned and nausea rose up. Ah — I understood. This was “jealousy.” That black, viscous feeling I had vaguely felt toward Yamada until now… This was its final form.

And one more thing. An unbearably heavy feeling of “regret” that chilled me to the bone. Why had I refused? Why had I told that stupid, transparent lie — “I can’t dance”? Why hadn’t I taken that small hand she had offered me for my sake, right then? If, at that moment, I had mustered even a scrap of courage…

Now, the one standing beside her in that ring of light might not have been Yamada, but me. I might have been the one closest to seeing that blossom-like smile of hers. 

What-ifs. Meaningless, unrealized branches of possibility ran round and round through my head. Each time, the pain in my chest kept growing stronger and stronger. I couldn’t stand to watch any longer. I turned on my heel and ran away.

The cheerful music and cheers of the night festival faded farther and farther behind me. So no one would find me… So no one would see this miserable sight… I ran straight to the back of the school building.

Then I slid down and sat against the cold concrete wall.

“…Damn.”

A pathetic, hoarse voice escaped. Before I knew it, the corners of my eyes were hot. Tears welled up. I was frustrated, miserable, and furious at my own helpless cowardice. In the end, I hadn’t changed at all.

During the festival prep I had been relied on by everyone and had let it go to my head a little. But when it mattered — at the crucial moment — I couldn’t take a single step forward. I couldn’t take her hand when it counted.

I was still, at heart, an irredeemable introvert. I wondered if she was still dancing with Yamada now. Maybe the two of them would go somewhere together after this.

『Let me walk you home.』

Yamada would say with that refreshing smile. That worst-case imagining cut even deeper into me. It seemed the final song of the night festival had begun. It was a slow, bittersweet ballad.

That sweet, sorrowful melody seemed to voice the messy, hopeless jumble inside me. I just hugged my knees and, alone in the dark, listened to the song. The pain in my heart showed no sign of easing. It only sank ever deeper, carving itself into my soul.

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Chapter 45: Why Didn’t You Come?

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Why? Why didn’t you take my hand? Why didn’t you come with me?Why am I dancing with Yamada-kun right now? Hey, why?

Even as I matched my steps to Yamada-kun’s smooth and practiced lead, my heart was somewhere else entirely. My body was in the middle of this lively circle of dancers, but my soul had flown away—to that timid boy left all alone in the shadows of the school building.

“Fujigaya-san, are you having fun?”

Yamada-kun’s sweet, refreshing voice brushed against my ear.

“Y-yeah! Of course!”

I plastered the perfect smile I had mastered from modeling work onto my face. But beneath that smile, my heart was cold, cold, frozen solid.

This wasn’t fun at all. Not with you as my partner. The one I wanted to dance with wasn’t you.

Why did you run away, Gen-chan? Didn’t I look cute in this maid outfit I worked the hardest on for today? Or did you really hate the idea of being invited by me that much? 

Are you okay with me dancing with another boy like this? Won’t you feel even a little jealous?

Unanswered questions spun round and round in my head—restless doubts, helpless anxieties, and just a touch of anger. Inside the circle of dancers, I desperately searched for him. But his frail, slouched figure was no longer in the shadow of the school building.

Where did he go?

Before long, the cheerful music of the folk dance ended.

“Thanks, Fujigaya-san! That was super fun!”

Yamada-kun said with a radiant smile, completely free of shadows.

“Yes. Thank you too.”

With a perfect polite smile, I slipped my hand out of his and quickly added.

“Well, I’m going to my friends now!” 

I left in a rush, almost fleeing. I thought I heard him say something behind me, but I no longer cared. I pushed through the crowd and headed for my best friend, Ami.

“Ami! Did you see Miyazuka-kun!?”

“Huh? Gen-chan? He was just over there in the corner, but… oh, he’s gone. Where did he go?”

Ami tilted her head curiously.

I couldn’t sit still—I leapt out of the dance circle.

“Gen-chan!” “Miyazuka-kun!”

Calling his name, I searched all around the field. But he was nowhere to be found.

Cleanup for the after-festival had begun, and students were steadily making their way back into the school building. Unable to give up, I stayed alone on the grounds.

The campfire flames were slowly dying down. As I stared at the faint fire dwindling away, I felt completely lost.

I had been so hopeful. I truly believed that today’s school festival would bring us so much closer. So why did it end up like this?

Did none of my obvious “I like you” signs reach him? Or did he realize them, and that was why he ran away? I didn’t know. I couldn’t understand his feelings at all.

A cold, empty wind blew straight through my chest. The end of the after-festival didn’t leave me with a glittering sense of achievement—only an unbearable, deep, deep loneliness and anxiety.

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