[Sad News] Living Together with the Unattainable Beauty—Her Overwhelming Affection Is Way Too Calculated - 19-20

Chapter 19: Fujigaya-san’s Unexpected Side

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Thanks to Fujigaya-san’s goddess-like, devoted care, my cold had completely cleared up in just a couple of days. But even though my body had recovered, my heart remained clouded, like a thick layer of rainy-season clouds.

The guilt of having caused her so much trouble. And my own helplessness, having been able to do nothing but receive her flawless care. Those two feelings pressed down on my heart, heavy as lead.

One afternoon after school, when I had returned to school, I stopped by the large bookstore in front of the station with my usual otaku friends, Kimura and Satou. Our purpose, of course, was to check out the latest light novel released this week.

We browsed the new releases together, exchanging our usual pointless debates.

“The heroine on this cover is definitely a tsundere.” 

“No, this is a kuudere.”

The time I could immerse myself in otaku talk without thinking about anything else was the only relief I had right now.

“Uh—I need to go to the bathroom.”

Satou said, leaving the group. Kimura and I started wandering the store aimlessly. Then, suddenly, my eyes fell on an area I would normally never step into. A corner of fashion magazines, their covers colorful and glamorous. The farthest thing from my life imaginable.

Just as I was about to pass by, my eyes were caught by a single magazine cover.

“…Huh?”

There she was—undeniably Kanoko Fujigaya. No, more precisely, it wasn’t the “Fujigaya-san” I knew. At school, she was bright, kind, and liked by everyone—a popular classmate. At home, she was a slightly meddlesome, domestic, occasionally teasing, and sexually mischievous roommate full of mysteries. But on that magazine cover, she was neither of those.

Her professional makeup was flawless, she wore the trendiest fashionable outfit perfectly, and she posed toward the camera with a slightly listless, mature, professional expression. This was a Kanoko Fujigaya I had never known. A resident of a distant, distant world I did not inhabit.

“Oi, Gen-chan! Isn’t that Fujigaya-san!?”

Kimura, having returned from the bathroom, shouted excitedly at the same sight.

“No way! Amazing! So the rumor about her being a reader model was true!”

Satou, also excited, grabbed the magazine. I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was stare blankly at her in the magazine. I flipped a page, and a few pages featured her prominently.

『Popular Reader Model KANOKO’s Sweet & Spicy Mix: One Week of Outfit Coordinates!』

With sparkling headlines like that, she smiled in various expressions and poses. Each one shimmered brilliantly, dazzling and impossible to look at directly.

I realized then that I had known nothing about her. Even though we lived under the same roof, saw each other every day, and I ate the warm meals she made. I had never imagined she could shine in such a glamorous world.

Even the fact that she was popular in our school alone had seemed like a high enough wall for me. But that wall was far, far higher and thicker than I had imagined.

I relied on her kindness, dragged her into my hobbies, and, to top it off, even made her nurse me when I had a cold. Who did I think I was? The reality of it all struck me painfully all over again.

Kanoko Fujigaya and Genji Miyazuka. We lived in completely different worlds. She was a sunflower, shining brilliantly under the sun. I was a nameless pebble, quietly gathering dust in the corner of a room. There was no way we could be equal. There was no way I could stand beside her.

I quietly returned the magazine to the shelf. The perfect smile on that cover made her feel painfully distant. The invisible wall between her and me felt like it had thickened another layer, leaving me with a sense of utter despair.

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Chapter 20: The Model Me and the Me Beside You

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…Did he see me…?

From the shadow of a nearby shelf in the bookstore, I quietly watched Gen-chan and the others pick up the fashion magazine with me on the cover and talk about it. I couldn’t tell clearly what expression he had when he looked at the glamorous, dressed-up version of me in the magazine.

It was too far away to see for sure. But when he gently returned the magazine to the shelf, the slight, lonely tilt of his face downward pricked my chest like a tiny thorn.

I didn’t dislike modeling work. On the contrary, I could even say I loved it. Wearing cute clothes, having a professional hair and makeup artist make me magically beautiful, and standing in front of the camera. It was exciting, fun, and gave me confidence—something important to me.

But that was strictly the “work me.” The professional “KANOKO” who created the perfect smile, struck the perfect pose, exactly as demanded. The real me was plainer and clumsier. And I spent all day thinking about only one boy. I was just a regular high school girl in love.

I wondered what Gen-chan thought.

Maybe he’s thinking, “Just as I thought, Fujigaya-san lives in a completely different world than mine.”

Knowing him, he probably was. I wonder if he had created yet another higher, thicker wall between us.

Just thinking about it made my chest tighten painfully. Anxieties covered my heart like a cold mist. What I truly wanted him to see wasn’t the fabricated “KANOKO” on the magazine.

I wanted him to see the me who cooked diligently for him and beamed like a child when he said, “Delicious.”

The me who got excited and bright-eyed talking about his favorite anime. The me who worried incessantly when he caught a cold. I wanted him to see just me—Kanoko Fujigaya—by his side. If he could see only that, it would be enough.

That night.

When I got home and saw Gen-chan in the living room, he was predictably distant. He avoided eye contact more than usual, and our conversation was awkward.

“I made hamburgers for dinner today.”

Even when I said that, he just replied weakly.

“Ah… thanks…”

His obvious change in behavior fueled my anxiety even more.

So he really is worried about the magazine…

I couldn’t let this continue. The small distance we had been closing between us would return to zero if I didn’t act. I absolutely, no matter what, had to stop that from happening. So I steeled myself and decided to bring up that delicate topic myself.

After dinner, I called out to his back as he tried to retreat to his room.

“Um, Miyazuka-kun.”

“…Yes?”

“Weren’t you at the bookstore after school today?”

“Huh!?”

He visibly tensed, shaking his shoulders.

“N-No, I wasn’t… Why…?”

He lied awkwardly, and that clumsy reaction, paradoxically, gave me the answer.

“I see. I thought I might have seen you there… Must have been my imagination.”

I said that once, easing his guard just a little. Then I teased him slightly, pressing gently on the core of the matter.

“…Did you, by any chance, look at the magazine I’m in?”

He froze completely. Slowly, resigned, he lowered his gaze. After a long silence, he muttered in a barely audible voice:

“…I saw it.”

“I see. How was it? Was it… Weird?”

“N-No! Not weird at all! It was amazing… I realized again that you live in a completely different world from me…”

His words made my chest sting sharply. So I really did make him feel that way.

No. That’s not it, Gen-chan. The world I want to be in most isn’t the glamorous photo studio. It isn’t the place surrounded by countless staff and strobes. It’s this slightly messy, but warm room where you are.

I quietly stepped closer to him. Peering at his downcast face, I looked straight into his eyes. He was startled and tried to look away, but I wouldn’t let him. I gently cupped his face with both hands.

“That’s not true.”

My voice trembled a little. Embarrassing. But these were my honest feelings.

“Modeling is fun, but there are also a lot of hard things. The real me is… More ordinary.”

I continued.

“The me who’s with you is so much more like me… This is the real me.”

My desperate confession made his eyes widen in surprise. Those large eyes trembled with confusion. Had he understood?

My true feelings… Please, please understand them.

I prayed strongly, deeply, in my heart. His surprised face was illuminated by the warm light of the living room.

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