Chapter 64: Mama-katsu Suspicion

About a month has passed since I was cursed. Back then, just coming to school holding hands in a lovers’ grip with Kaede was enough to make everyone tease us…

“Uwa, those two are together again.”

“Is it a hotel? Are they heading to a love hotel?”

“Stop it, man! You’ll just end up miserable if you get involved!”

Now, just being together makes people look at us like we’re fresh out of juvie. Even if I tell them it’s just a date, nobody’s going to believe me. Well, to be fair, the odds of it ending as a normal date are practically zero, so maybe not believing is the correct response.

“I wish they’d just not come to school.”

At least lower your voice when you say that kind of stuff. Sure, it hurts me, but more than that, I don’t want Kaede getting any weird ideas. She might come out with something like, “They told us not to come to school, so let’s just go live on a deserted island and start a whole country with our kids,” you know?

“Why does a guy like him get all the girls, anyway?”

If you’re that jealous, I can ask Senpai to hook you up, if you want. Starting tomorrow, you too could build your own harem, you know?

“But seriously, though, Hiiragi and Kumano-gou—haven’t their personalities totally changed?”

It’s not so much that their personalities changed—more like they’re completely different people altogether. As I was internally firing back at those whispers, Kaede, who wasn’t fazed at all by the gossip, spoke to me.

“Kogoro, I want to try taking purikura.”

I was surprised. Hearing a normal date idea from Kaede’s mouth was unexpected. Although, purikura is over in an instant, so maybe I should just think of it as an appetizer. Normally, people would gradually shift into higher gear, but in her case, there’s a good chance she’ll slam straight into top gear out of nowhere.

“Ah… I mean, okay, but it’s kinda expensive, you know?”

I really am careless. I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her, so I just blurted out a reply without thinking. I should’ve considered what I was saying first.

“Why do you know the price of purikura? Don’t they stop guys from even getting close to the purikura area if they’re not with a girl? And even if you did get close, you wouldn’t normally bother checking the price, right? Which female did you go with, and when, and where did you take those pictures? Where’s the sticker from that time now? What kind of pictures did you take? Did you two get all over each other? Actually, it has to be someone from that so-and-so club, right? You took them with her, didn’t you? All right, let’s go back to school right now. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything. I’m just gonna watch what they do for a bit. Huh? Why do I think it’s someone from that so-and-so club, that cesspool of crap, that dust bin, that garbage dump? Because, Kogoro, you clearly don’t like me looking into that so-and-so club, which is pretty much a criminal organization, right? That means that so-and-so club is really just a gathering of your side chicks. ‘Went to hang out’ is just your code, isn’t it? Don’t try to play dumb! I’ve got the evidence! I haven’t said anything before, but I’ve noticed your room’s filled up with new games and manga! You sold yourself, didn’t you? You spread your legs in that nest of mama-katsu hags who call themselves a club, didn’t you?! You whore!!”

Wh-why did the conversation jump from the price of purikura all the way to prostitution? All I did was throw out some random guess…

“Wait, hold on, there’s a big misunderstanding here. Look, the cover of the purikura machine—the outer design, right? They use these model- or idol-like women for it, right? So I just figured that’d cost money, you know?”

“…They are all gorgeous, I’ll give you that.”

“Y-yeah… I mean, I don’t know the details, but it looks like a lot of money went into it…”

“Why did you just agree with me now? This is where you’re supposed to say, ‘You’re way cuter, Kaede. Those are just a bunch of nobodies hiding behind plastic surgery and photo filters, opening their legs for big shots to climb the ladder—just a bunch of whores,’ right? Oh, so that’s the kind of women you like, Kogoro? Sure, I was born to normal parents, and I don’t use makeup or get plastic surgery, okay? Obviously, I can’t beat all those plastic-surgery beauties, right? But that’s only in the eyes of the general public. No matter how those insignificant men out there rate me, I’m supposed to be number one in your eyes, Kogoro. Right? Then why are you letting your gaze wander? Are you thinking you might have a shot with them? Let me tell you something: No matter how perfect a guy you might be, those whores only care about money, you know? I get it, you want to sleep around with a bunch of women, but just stop. Having me should be enough, right? If I have you, Kogoro, then I don’t need status or fame or wealth or even a family—I don’t need anything. Is it wrong for me to hope you feel the same? And hey, don’t change the subject. Right now, we’re talking about what we’re gonna do about those mama-katsu bitches in that so-and-so club, aren’t we? Come on, let’s go back to school. Don’t worry, Kogoro, you can just watch. Normally, as a matter of accountability, I’d have you personally destroy those mama-katsu bitches’ genitals, but I’ll carry all that karma myself. It’s fine—if it’s for you, I’d gladly become a major sinner. No matter how filthy my hands get, you’ll still hold them, won’t you? No matter how drenched in blood my body becomes, you’ll still embrace me, right?”

Wait a sec, that was a total leading question!

I have to stop Kaede before the entire Board Game Club gets annihilated. Because let’s not forget—this is the same girl who, while searching for me, casually wiped out a yakuza office as a side quest.

“I’m telling you, it’s a misunderstanding. I don’t have that kind of relationship with the people in the Board Game Club.”

“…What kind of relationship is it, then? Where did the money come from?”

“…This is a secret, okay? But the Board Game Club actually runs a gambling den under the teachers’ noses. I went there as a customer and won some money. That’s all.”

“………………Hmm. Doesn’t seem like a lie.”

Oh? She actually understood? That means the massacre is—

“I can tell you’re telling the truth. I don’t even need a lie detector for this.”

“A-ah, thanks.”

“At least, about the money.”

…Huh?

“Momiji-chan told me, you know? That you kissed some girl from that so-and-so club? That she even showed you her underwear?”

…Ah.

“Hey, why did you lie? You just said you weren’t ‘that kind of relationship,’ didn’t you? Then what kind of relationship is it? Since when does ‘not that kind of relationship’ include making out in the streets? And sneaking out early in the morning for secret rendezvous?”

So this is it—the bill for all my temporary cover-ups has finally come due. I only wanted to stop that freckled girl’s crazy antics, and now…

“I just happened to run into her while I was out buying games with my gambling winnings, okay? Then she challenged me to a rematch, but she didn’t have any money, so she bet a kiss instead—”

“Why were you out so early? Do game stores even open in the morning?”

“Well, you and the others usually come over on weekends, right? So I figured I’d take care of my errands beforehand.”

“Why? You could’ve just taken me with you.”

“Game stores are boring, right? I’ve barely ever seen you play games.”

“If I’m with you, Kogoro, then even visiting the Sapporo Clock Tower, watching B-grade movies, or spectating a random amateur baseball game would be fun. So why didn’t you invite me? Oh wait, I know! The answer is simple! Because if I were there, you wouldn’t be able to freely indulge in your whore buffet! Don’t you dare use me as an excuse for your trysts!”

What do I do? I haven’t told a single lie, and yet Kaede is unstoppable. And hey, don’t lump the Sapporo Clock Tower in with those other two—it’s disrespectful to the locals.

“Even if, and I mean if, I believed your explanation, why did you accept the bet in the first place? Kissing and underwear? Normally, you would be the one getting paid for that, right? If it’s a bet where only the other side profits, then it’s not even a gamble, is it?”

No, generally speaking, the guy is the one who pays, isn’t he? Society may talk about gender equality, but when it comes to sexual value, women definitely hold the upper hand.

That said, Kaede isn’t wrong. Thanks to the curse, in her and the others’ eyes, I am the one with the higher value. Damn it, my market price keeps skyrocketing despite me having zero intention of selling. This is a nightmare.

“Look, I swear it’s just a misunderstanding. She has some kind of gambler’s pride, okay? She couldn’t back down, and I got dragged into it.”

“Oh, so you gave up your lips to protect some loser’s so-called ‘pride’? Ahaha, what a noble humanitarian you are. Hey, don’t give me that bullshit. You just felt like trying some exotic flavor, didn’t you? Quit dressing it up!”

My stomach hurts… Sure, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t any sexual curiosity involved. But I was practically forced into it! She straight-up threatened to masturbate on the spot if I didn’t accept the bet! I took the deal just to protect my dignity! If I had any way to refuse, I would have refused!

“…Well, whatever.”

Suddenly, her anger seemed to cool, and she resumed walking toward the arcade.

But I know better. I’m not safe.

That kind of “cooling off” is the warning sign before something truly insane happens.

That “well, whatever” really means “I’m about to do something far worse, so whatever.”

What am I about to be forced into?

Kaede is searching for “purikura surveillance cameras report” on her phone.

What the hell is she planning?

Even with the Seika family’s ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card, I really don’t want another run-in with the cops…