Chapter 56: Honey Kiss

Depending on the work, anime and manga often tie a character’s name to their traits, right? Has Momiji gone down that route, too? Is she leaning into the whole “bear” theme? Otherwise, there’s no way to explain this situation.

“Why do you have a jar of honey at school? You’re not even eating bread.”

Next to her lunchbox is a jar of honey—a rare sight. Is she planning to eat it with apples for dessert? Even then, no one brings an entire jar of honey to school.

“Shut up and eat already. I can’t move until you’re done.”

“What do you mean? Did you bring dessert for everyone or something?”

No idea what she’s talking about, but I might as well finish eating quickly. There’s never been a single good outcome from arguing with her. That much I’ve learned.

“Dessert, huh…”

Her expression… Should I call it wistful? Blissful? Either way, I don’t have time to dwell on it. I need to finish my lunch.

Alright, now I just need to wash it down with tea, and—

“‘Surprise! You’re dinner!’ But, like, ‘Surprise! You’re dessert,’ I guess.”

Cough! Cough!

I choke as tea goes down the wrong way. Of course, I’d choke. Who wouldn’t? Honestly, I should be proud of myself for not spilling tea all over the desk.

I don’t get what she means, but I can definitely sense danger. These unpleasant instincts of mine tend to be spot on.

“Sweet…”

Momiji tilts the jar to her lips and scoops honey with a spoon, shoveling it into her mouth. The way she does it—she’s more bear than a real bear. But this is no time to laugh. Bears may primarily be omnivores, but once they get a taste for meat, they become predators. I’ve heard of bears descending from the mountains after eating humans.

“Isn’t that pace a little dangerous? Your blood sugar will spike.”

Even a prisoner fresh out of jail wouldn’t devour sweets like this. Does honey even count as a “sweet” on its own?

“Hoha heho haha!”

“Your mouth’s completely full!”

Maybe some people would find this sight… suggestive? But all I see is a vulgar girl. Stop showing me the inside of your mouth. You’re supposed to be… well, not a lady, but at least pretend to be one.

“Hey! Why are you grabbing my head? Why are you pulling my face closer… Mmph!?”

I kind of saw this coming, but still—Momiji kisses me, her mouth full of honey.

She’s practically blocking my entire field of vision, but I can feel the stares of the entire class. The lack of audible shock makes it worse. It’s obvious everyone here has accepted that “these two do crazy things all the time.” That shared understanding hurts more than any gasps ever could.

The sensation of her lips, the embarrassment, the overwhelming sweetness of the honey—all of it is scrambling my brain. What even is this? This mix of pleasure and discomfort crashing over me?

How did this happen? Her actions are always sudden, but what led to this?

Mmph!? H-her tongue!?

“Man, I should’ve gotten some leverage too.”

Kaede, what on earth are you talking about? When did I supposedly give Momiji any leverage over me? I never agreed to any weird fetish play like this!

“I thought a French kiss was a bit much for Kogoro-chan, but… kids grow up so fast. It’s a complicated feeling, being a mom.”

Stop being a “mom” in the classroom… Wait, French?

…French… French… Oh! Now I remember! She forced me into that awful choice to stop Shiro from going full castration-machine!

“Kumanokyo, do you not know what shame is?”

When did she get to the classroom? She should’ve joined us for lunch. If she had, maybe this whole ridiculous incident could’ve been stopped before it even started.

“Mmph! Mmm!”

Wait, is Momiji angry? Is it because I’m desperately trying to avoid her tongue? I can’t help it! Just having my mouth filled with honey is bad enough; adding tongues to the mix is just too much.

Also, isn’t this going on a bit long? I can’t breathe, and I really want to spit this honey out.

…Wait, am I supposed to swallow it? That’s disgusting. As time passes, the honey is mixing with both of our saliva. If this keeps going, the ratio’s going to flip entirely. Seriously, help me out here! Her grip on my head is locked in tight—I can’t escape. Is this some kind of curse from Kurokawa-senpai that also boosts physical strength? Now that I think about it, even Kaede has ridiculous strength for some reason.

“Sakamoto, your face is bright red. Is that from embarrassment? Or oxygen deprivation?”

It’s both, so help me already. I’ve built up some resistance to bizarre situations after all the crazy stunts these girls pull, but this is still way too much. If I let my guard down, my brain is going to short-circuit.

“Making out in the classroom is crossing the line, don’t you think? Especially with honey involved.”

If you get it, then stop this horny bear! She’s flailing her tongue around like crazy, and it’s forcing the honey down my throat. Dying from honey outside of botulism cases has to be a record.

“Kumanokyo, if you don’t let him go soon, he’s going to die. Aren’t you having trouble breathing too?”

Finally, someone’s stepping in to save me. Though, I wouldn’t mind some help with lifting the curse too. But let’s not get greedy for now.

“Mmm—mnhhh!”

If you want to say something, let me go first! By now, even instant ramen would’ve finished cooking. I don’t think even the clingiest couples would go on for this long.

“Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t kiss.”

No, please say that.

“Mmm? Mmm, mnh.”

“I’m saying you should take breaks.”

“Mnh—! Mmm!”

“Lunch break isn’t going anywhere. You don’t need to rush, right?”

“Mmm—mmm… mmphh.”

“Well, I guess you can do whatever you want…”

“Mmm.”

Wait, why is this an actual conversation? Are they some kind of linguistic pioneers? This level of non-verbal communication could be groundbreaking.

“Honestly… this is so vulgar, I don’t even feel jealous. Not that I care what happens between Sakamoto and Kumanokyo.”

I appreciate the lack of jealousy-driven chaos, but please, just save me already. Don’t wait for Momiji to finish being “satisfied.”

Ugh, the honey’s lukewarm, and it feels gross. I can’t even tell if it’s sweet anymore.

“So, Shiro-chan, is honey a go-to for you?”

“Hmm… I’d prefer butter.”

“Ohhh, that’s a good one. Butter’s nice.”

Stop chatting about pairing options and help me! Is flavoring a standard thing for deep kisses? What kind of media teaches this?

“Would whipped cream on the crotch be an option?”

“Shiro-chan, you’re a genius!”

“Well, yeah, obviously.”

“Aww, you’re blushing! How cute!”

“Hmph! Like I’d care about being praised by Kaede.”

Stop your fake yuri flirting and help me! I won’t even question your weird kinks if you do—just save me! I’m about to puke! If this keeps up, I’ll end up paying back all this honey with interest.

“Coincidentally, I just shaved, so maybe I’ll prep some whipped cream later.”

What kind of coincidence is that? And what exactly do you plan to do after applying it? Stick a candle in it and celebrate a birthday? I really don’t want to enchant my crotch with fire-elemental properties.

“Hmm, but isn’t it a bit early for that? Even as a childhood friend, I wouldn’t go that far…”

“So you do have some sense of restraint.”

“What? I’m always rational!”

You’re always emotional. Honestly, I can’t figure out what makes these girls hit the brakes. From a normal person’s perspective, it’s like they’re slamming the brakes after their car has already flown off the cliff.

I… I can’t… My consciousness is fading…