Chapter 53: Breakup

What the hell is going on? Ugh… I can’t breathe…

I can’t see it, but I know what’s happening. Invisible-senpai is straddling me in a position that looks like that, relentlessly kissing me.

If this were my house, I might endure it, but doing this during class is seriously unacceptable. I can’t resist or even let out a sound.

“Your face looks pale, Ko… Ko… Kogorou.”

Despite all the chaos she caused, Momiji is still too shy to call me by my first name properly. Unfortunately, I’m in no state to find it endearing. I’m about to pass out from lack of oxygen here.

She seems to be trying not to put too much weight on my legs, but that’s like trying to be polite while punching someone with your non-dominant hand.

“Da…ying…I’m…fii…ne…”

Can you at least stop kissing me while I’m talking? My speech has turned into that of a man clearly not fine. Even someone dying in a movie would speak more coherently than this. If a movie character gave a deathbed speech like this, it would ruin the film’s ratings.

“You sound like someone being assaulted by a lustful woman.”

Too sharp! That’s exactly what’s happening. Wait, can you see her?

“Did shaving everything down there mess with your head or something?”

It did not! Though I can’t deny it’s unsettling…

“For me, though, it’s been a pain. No hair means my pee sprays everywhere like a sprinkler.”

Wait, that happens to women? There really are things in this world better left unknown.

“Oh? Did the word sprinkler excite you? You perv. Want me to show you after school?”

No, I’m absolutely repulsed. Any reaction you’re seeing is because of Invisible-senpai’s kiss-hell. Ugh, my head is spinning.

“Hey, isn’t that… you’ve got a boner, don’t you? Wow, your imagination’s wild, huh? Takeyuta…”

“Hey, Kumano-sato! We’re in class!”

Nice one, teacher! Though it would’ve been better if you had stopped this before my erection got noticed! Also, there’s another student disrupting class here! Look, right here on my lap! You can’t see her though, can you? Dammit! Teachers should have vision for this kind of thing!

“Huh? I’m not disrupting anything.”

You totally are. You might not realize it, but your voice was getting louder and louder. Thanks to you, now everyone in the front seats knows I’ve got a situation going on.

“If you can’t keep quiet, stand out in the hallway. Don’t disturb the kids who are actually trying to focus.”

Yes, exactly! Go away, Sprinkler Girl!

“Fine, then. I’ll go to the nurse’s office.”

“You’re healthy, aren’t you? Isn’t being healthy your one redeeming quality?”

Isn’t that a bit harsh? Not that I’m defending her or anything.

Huh? Why is Momiji staring at me? Wait… is she pointing at me? How rude.

“I can’t focus in class because of him. He shaved my pubic hair!”

Wait, what!? Are you out of your mind!?

Oh god, everyone’s looking at me now! My classmates are staring at me in shock, and even the teacher has this bewildered expression! Hey, teachers aren’t supposed to judge their students like this! I swear I’ll punch you if you keep looking at me like that!

“U-Um…”

Even the teacher is at a loss. Of course they are! No one expects something like this in a high school classroom.

“Kogorou applied hair removal cream to my private area! So, as payback, I shaved his balls smooth!”

Would you stop!? What do you mean applied it? Why are you acting like the victim here? I had no say in this!

The classroom is now in utter chaos. It’s like a death game was just announced here or something.

“Teacher!”

The class representative? What’s she… Wait, Invisible-senpai, can you please stop kissing me already? I’m facing the greatest crisis of my life right now.

“Y-Yes? What is it, Ishimizu?”

Seriously, what’s happening now?

“I also had Sakamoto-kun apply hair removal cream on me.”

What the hell is going on!? I’m such an idiot for hoping she’d help me out. This isn’t a lifeboat; it’s a battleship coming straight for me.

“And in return, I applied some on the top part of his… you know.”

Don’t share that kind of detail, I beg you.

Look, now the teacher can’t even process what’s happening. Their mental CPU is completely overloaded.

“Teacher, I also shaved with Kogorou. After that, we rubbed against each other.”

Kaede, what in the world are you even saying? What kind of announcement is this?

I don’t know how many years this teacher has been in their profession, but this must be the most bizarre disruption they’ve ever encountered. Actually, this probably isn’t just a first—it’s a last.

Ah, thank goodness Shiro is in another class. Though, at this point, three or four people wouldn’t make much of a difference.

“E-Erm… Wh-What should I do? Uh, I was planning to leave on time today, but… uh…”

Oh no, the teacher is completely panicking. This class is in full-on collapse now. A classroom breakdown… in high school? Really?

“Well then, the four of us will head to the nurse’s office.”

Wait, did you stir up all this chaos just for that? The risk-to-reward ratio here is absurdly off.

“Permission granted… Though, I feel like there’s somewhere else you should be heading…”

Fair point.

Actually, it’s less permission and more like an outright banishment. There’s no coming back to this classroom now.

I wonder what goes through a school nurse’s mind when four students barge in during class. I’m sorry, nurse.

“Oh my, what’s going on here?”

The nurse looks a little surprised. It must be rare for this many students to visit at once. The reason, however, is much rarer. Please, find a way to smooth this over.

“We couldn’t focus in class because of some shaving play,” the class rep casually explains.

Class rep, you should step down. Seriously, a class president causing classroom collapse? The nurse looks horrified… or maybe not?

“Oh my, how youthful.”

Can we stop perpetuating stereotypes about youth? It’s not like this whole country is in shambles or anything.

“This guy’s balls are already smooth, you know? Wanna see, Nurse?”

Stop bragging like this is your collection or something! This is advanced harassment!

“Well, shall we have a look then?”

Wait, what!?

“In return, we’ll be borrowing the bed, alright?”

“That’s fine, no problem at all. Come on now, hurry and show me! Open it up already!”

…Nurse? You’re kidding, right?

“Alright, Kogorou-chan, let’s strip, shall we?”

“Stop! Wait—ugh!?”

Invisible-senpai is restraining me… It has to be her! I can’t see her, but there’s no doubt she’s behind this.

Even though they’re women, there’s no way I can fend off five of them. My smooth, hairless… uh, area gets exposed to the world. Forget these guys—can a school staff member even get away with this? This has to go beyond just being fired.

“Oh my, how adorable.”

“Wha—!?”

She touched me!? She didn’t just look, she touched!? She touched my balls!

“Without hair, it feels like this, huh?”

“S-Sensei…”

“Oh? Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s not that, but…”

Oh no… this woman is way too skilled for this…

“My, my, how youthful.”

There’s no way a guy in his teens can stay calm when a gorgeous school nurse in her mid-twenties is doing this. My, uh, situation, which had calmed down during the walk over here, is now back at full attention.

“Kogorou? This is because of me, isn’t it? Because I’m looking at you, right? Answer me, you erection man.”

“Y-Yeah, that’s it.”

“Hey, it’s me, right? Back in class, you got hard while looking at me too, didn’t you?”

“…Y-Yeah…”

What is this? Some kind of stupid power play? Power struggles are already ridiculous, but this one is especially trashy.

“Sakamoto-kun, even when you’re erect, it doesn’t fully retract? You’re still not there yet, huh?”

What are you even saying, Nurse? How much are you planning to embarrass a student!?

“You need to train yourself to stay retracted, you know?”

“Mmgh…!”

Don’t pull it back! Are you even a professional? Wait… just now, I think I heard the sound of the door locking. Invisible-senpai, was that you!?

“It might hurt a bit as your underwear rubs against it, but you’ll get used to it. From now on, stay retracted.”

That’s none of your business! It’s already uncomfortable enough being hairless, and now I’m supposed to add extra suffering to the mix?

“Sensei! You don’t understand anything!”

…Class rep?

“Kogorou-chan is cuter when he’s not retracted! Right, Kogorou-chan?”

I don’t care about your preferences! Just let me put my underwear back on!

“It’s cooler when it’s retracted. Don’t you all think so?”

Nurse, can you have this conversation without using me as your reference? Please?

“Hmm, yeah, I guess I agree. But honestly, I like both.”

“I’ll accept Kogorou as he is. If he’s trying to stay retracted, I’ll support him and think it’s cool. But I don’t want him to overdo it.”

Why are you all having a serious debate about this? Kaede, especially you! You were talking about studying hard before school started, and now you’re skipping class for this garbage-tier conversation.

“Um, can I put my underwear back on now?”

“No. This is a rare chance, so let us enjoy it.”

Are you seriously a school employee? And stop touching me! It’s already bad enough to look!

“Sensei, you’re only touching his balls, aren’t you?”

Good observation, Momiji. I was wondering about that too. But seriously, let me put my underwear back on already.

“My boyfriend won’t let me touch his. He loves it when I touch the stick, though.”

I don’t care! Don’t use me as a substitute! If you want to touch something, beg your boyfriend!

And if you have a boyfriend, you shouldn’t be doing stuff like this. If this isn’t for medical purposes, it’s borderline infidelity. Actually, no—it’s definitely grounds for dismissal.

“Wow, your boyfriend sounds like the worst.”

“Right? I know, he’s the worst.”

Don’t bond over this! For the record, your boyfriend’s not in the wrong here.

“Sensei isn’t trying to hurt you, right? Then I think it’s only fair to let her touch. You know, as a gesture of goodwill. Balls of goodwill.”

Class rep, that was a terrible pun. My image of you is deteriorating every day. How am I supposed to deal with you once this curse is lifted?

“Seriously, can I just put my underwear back on?”

“Kogorou-chan, you need to understand. Sensei’s going through a tough time too.”

No, I’m the one having the hardest time here! My heart is suffering a deep, profound wound right now.

A school nurse, locked in a nurse’s office, fondling a student’s privates? This is headline-worthy news! If the roles were reversed, it’d be a career-ending scandal for sure!

“Not having hair isn’t bad, you know. Though, my boyfriend would probably hate it if I shaved.”

Obviously! For the record, I was completely against this too! But here I am anyway!

“Sakamoto-kun, would you apply the cream on me too?”

Huh!? That’s full-blown infidelity at this point! Wait, why do you even have the cream? Where did you pull that from!?

“This is so exciting.”

“Wait, why are you taking your clothes off!?”

“…? I can’t apply it unless I take them off, can I?”

Can you stop acting like I’m the one being weird here? Anyone would find this behavior insane!

Wait, is this for real? A teacher—an adult—doing this? Students messing around is one thing, but a teacher!?

“Sensei! You have a boyfriend, right? You can’t seriously be doing this!”

“Hmm, you’re right.”

Oh, thank goodness. She understood. Adults have at least some common sense after all. Wait… why is she making a call? Who is she calling…?

“Hello? Yeah, I’m breaking up with you. Take all your stuff out of my place by the end of the day. Don’t leave a trace that you were ever there. If you leave anything behind, I’ll throw it away without hesitation. Got it? What? No, this isn’t a joke. Did you really think I was the kind of woman who’d make up something this ridiculous? Ugh, I’m so glad I’m breaking up with you. Never contact me again.”

She broke up with him!? All this just to get me to apply hair removal cream!? How determined is she!?

Hey, you guys! Stop her already! Though, at this point, it might be too late. Wait, why are you all standing there, nodding in approval? Her actions are clearly wrong!

Great. Now another person has joined the ranks of my tormentors. Take responsibility for this, Invisible-senpai!