Chapter 5: The Woman Who Gave Birth to Me

She just left, that woman. Without even breaking the curse.

And if she was going to leave, couldn’t she at least take Transparent Senpai with her? She’s still grabbing at my crotch, you know.

“Senpai, just because you’re invisible doesn’t make this okay.”

I mean, yeah, I guess I should feel flattered as a guy. But still—I don’t even know her face!

If I get all excited now and then regret it later when I see her face… No thanks. I don’t even want to think about it. What if she looks like one of those people shouting, “Stop sexual exploitation!” or “Japan is so sexist!” That’d be enough to kill me from shock.

And wasn’t she a bully? A real tormentor?

People like that don’t tend to be beautiful… or so I’d like to think.

“Uh, I’m going home now, so can you let go? And don’t follow me, okay?”

From anyone else’s perspective, I probably look like a lunatic talking to myself. Now that the only person who could translate for her has left, I really don’t want to keep this conversation going.

“Thanks for saving me, though. See you tomorrow.”

…She’s not following me, right? I can’t hear footsteps, but who knows?

Now, how do I explain these ripped clothes to Mom? She’s gonna be livid.

“Sakamoto-kun!”

Who the heck…?

“Huh? Oh, class rep? What’s up?”

It’s just the class rep, Hiiragi Kaede. What does she want?

“You’re the one who needs to explain! What happened to you? You’re a mess!”

“Well, you know, stuff happened. Anyway, I’m heading home…”

She’s such a stickler for rules. Honestly, I try to avoid getting involved with her.

Although, ironically, it’s thanks to her that I actually started meeting my homework deadlines.

“I’m asking about that stuff. Come on, let’s go to the infirmary.”

She grabs my arm, clearly planning to drag me there while interrogating me.

Here comes her busybody routine. She’s even more of a nag than my mom.

Some guy in class once said, “I feel babumi from Hiiragi-san.”

I guess it makes sense—she does take care of people like a doting mom. But come on, her motherliness feels off. Glasses, ponytail, strict, and straight-laced—she’s the quintessential Iron Class Rep.

“Class rep? I get that you want to take me to the infirmary, but…”

“What? Do you need the bathroom or something?”

How the hell did she come to that conclusion?

“Can we not hold hands, though?”

I mean, she’s dragging me along, sure, but holding hands? Isn’t that crossing some kind of line?

I respect that she doesn’t discriminate against nerds or whatever, but still.

“If we don’t hold hands, you might get lost.”

“Get lost”? Really?

I’m a second-year, not a toddler. Do I look that unreliable? Does she think I just transferred in or something?

“Don’t you… hate holding hands with a guy like me?”

“Why would I?”

Why? Why?

Guys and girls don’t just touch each other like it’s nothing… right?

Is this normal? Am I just old-fashioned? Am I becoming some ancient relic of an uncle?

“Look, I can walk on my own. I’m not going to run, so there’s no need for—”

“And yet you got yourself hurt the moment I looked away, didn’t you?”

Oof. Hard to argue with that. I mean, I can’t exactly tell her I crashed into a bush because of… wait, what?

“Ha! What’s that supposed to mean? You make it sound like it’s your job to keep an eye on me.”

“It is my job. It was my responsibility. I’m sorry.”

Whoa, whoa, hold on. Does “class rep” really mean she has to look after everyone in class?

She’s not a preschool teacher!

“Well, if you’re offering to hold my hand, I’ll take it. Call it a silver lining to all this.”

“Hehe, such a spoiled child.”

…?

Who is this?

This is still Hiiragi, right? Hiiragi Kaede, the class rep?

She doesn’t have a twin or something, does she?

The Hiiragi I know is more… Iron Lady.

“Here we are.”

“…No one’s here.”

“The nurse is usually in the staff room. She says there’s no one to chat with in the infirmary.”

What is this, some cushy office job? She’s treating it like she’s a slacking office lady.

“Okay, raise your arms. I’ll help you take your shirt off.”

“Huh? You’re gonna patch me up?”

Is that even okay?

Doesn’t this kind of thing require a qualification or something?

“All I can do is put some antiseptic on you. Oh, and by the way, ‘antiseptic’ isn’t a dirty word, okay?”

Yeah, I know that. It never even crossed my mind.

“You’ve been getting along pretty well with Kumanokyo-san lately…”

“Huh? Kumanokyo? What about her?”

“…You’re not antiseptic red with her yet, are you?”

…?

Am I just ignorant? That joke completely flew over my head.

“For now, I’ll let you handle it… though, I doubt there’s a scratch under my school jacket.”

I hold out my unprotected hand.

Man, my knuckles are all cut up when you get a good look at them.

“…Where did you get hurt?”

“You know the bushes in the courtyard? I sort of… ran into them. Keep that between us, okay?”

“It wasn’t a fight, was it?”

Look at me. I don’t exactly have the physique for fighting, do I?

And while we’re at it, I don’t have the personality for fighting either.

“These are obviously cuts from branches, though, right?”

“Yeah… I guess so.”

Ow, that antiseptic stings.

My legs are probably scratched up pretty bad too—thin pants won’t block much.

“Besides, I haven’t gotten into a fight since elementary school.”

Though, honestly, even back then I wasn’t really the type to get into fights. I was way smaller than everyone else anyway— ouch!

“Wh-why’d you slap me!?”

“Because you’re lying.”

Huh? I’m innocent here!

“I’m not lying! You just agreed these are cuts from branches, didn’t you?”

“The delinquents said, ‘Sakamoto got us good.’”

Delinquents? Oh, those three idiots. I don’t even remember their faces.

So Transparent Senpai’s violence got pinned on me, huh?

“They were whining about how ‘Sakamoto hit us in the balls!’”

“Whining? That’s…”

“I gave them a slap for that, though.”

“What!?”

Why!? Why kick the dead horse? You didn’t need to finish them off!

“It’s harassment, you know? Talking about ‘balls’ in front of a girl—that’s the lowest.”

“Uh, you literally just said it yourself…”

“That’s fine when it’s you. Normally, I wouldn’t say it to anyone—family or friends included.”

…?

What? Since when were the class rep and I on such good terms? We only talk when she’s taking my homework. Even then, it’s barely a conversation.

“Okay, now take off your pants.”

…What?

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

“Oh, come on. You’re such a baby sometimes.”

The class rep says something incomprehensible as she grabs my belt.

“Class rep?”

“Stand up so I can take them off for you.”

“No, seriously, this is—”

“Do you need a punishment?”

…Hey, wait. Could this be part of the curse?

Most of the girls haven’t acted weird, and the class rep isn’t chanting sutras or anything, so I figured she was normal. But this is definitely off.

Talking about ‘holding hands’ or ‘taking off pants’ like I’m some kid…

And she’s usually so uptight—she wouldn’t casually say ‘balls’!

“There we go, good boy.”

Considering the curse, I decide to just quietly cooperate.

I’m not gonna lie—it’s embarrassing. Being alone with the class rep while she takes my pants off…

Ow, ow, ow! The antiseptic really stings.

“There, you did such a good job being brave!”

“Uh… you’ve been talking kinda weird today, y’know?”

“Let’s have a little chat, okay?”

Uh-oh. I know this vibe. She’s about to start chanting.

And she locked the door. I’m terrified. Like, about-to-wet-myself levels of terrified.

“Why did you lie to Mommy about not fighting, hmm? Kogoro-chan’s such a naughty boy. I know boys get into fights sometimes, but you can’t aim for their balls, okay? Still, you did so well standing up to those scary boys, Kogoro-chan. Mommy’s so proud of you!”

This is horrifying.

The Iron Lady is smiling and scolding me in baby talk.

Don’t pat my head! I feel like some pet that’s been tamed by a monster.

“Kogoro-chan, it hurts when you get hit in the balls too, doesn’t it? You need to call Mommy when that happens, okay? Mommy will use her authority as the class rep to make those bad boys regret being born as men.”

Please don’t say terrifying things in that voice.

This is way scarier than anything a delinquent could shout.

“Uh, could you stop with the baby talk…?”

“Oh? You’re so good at asking politely! Such a smart boy. There, there.”

She starts ruffling my hair so hard I think I might go bald.

What do I do here?

Sure, as a guy, I can’t say I hate getting my head pressed into her chest while she pats me.

But this is baby play. The strict, no-nonsense class rep is suddenly treating me like a baby.

“You need to get your wounds treated properly, okay? If not, germs will get in, and it’ll hurt a lot. You don’t want to worry Mommy, do you? Naughty, naughty.”

“Please stop with the baby talk… and stop calling yourself Mommy, too…”

“….”

Huh? Did I just step on a landmine?

She stopped talking like that when I asked, so I figured she was still somewhat reasonable. Was I wrong?

“My precious Kogoro-chan wouldn’t say something so mean. I know. You just wanted to tease Mommy a little, didn’t you? But there are limits, you know? Do you understand how Mommy feels when you say, ‘You’re not my mom’? It’s heartbreaking. I know I gave birth to you. I remember it—every moment of the pain, every second of having my child. Do you know how Mommy feels when her precious Kogoro-chan says something so cold? Mommy doesn’t blame you. Those boys were wrong to attack you three-on-one, not you. I just didn’t want anyone to blame you for it. It’s all Mommy’s fault for looking away, so I’ll always protect you. Always, always, always, Kogoro-chan.”

For the first time in my life, I was so scared I trembled from the bottom of my heart.

For the first time, I cried from pure despair and hopelessness.

What is she even saying?

Did she just say she remembers giving birth to me? Please, tell me I misheard that.

“Are you crying? Oh, you were scared, weren’t you?”

Yeah, I was scared.

I’m sure there’s been a major misunderstanding here, but I was terrified—of you.

“Let’s use your pacifier, okay?”

“Wait, why are you taking off—”

“Sorry, Mommy forgot to bring one. So we’ll use the real thing.”

“Somebody! Any adult, please!”

Before I knew it, I was running toward the door.

“Hey!”

I fumbled with the lock, but she caught me.

I am powerless. Mommy is strong. Mommy is invincible.

“You’ll hurt yourself if you run like that! Don’t make Mommy worry!”

You’re the dangerous one here. Being caught by you is way worse than tripping.

Someone, anyone, save me. At this rate, I’m going to end up nursing on the class rep.

“Ma-Mommy!”

“You… called me Mommy?”

Don’t cry. I should be the one crying here.

I hold out a handkerchief because, well, she’s still a girl. Even if she’s lost it completely.

“You carry a handkerchief? You’re such a good boy.”

Stop. Stop rubbing your cheek against me.

Ah… so soft… I’m actually gonna become her son at this rate.

“Here’s your reward—my—”

“Mommy! I have to pee!”

“Oh my! You said it so clearly. What a good boy! Come on, let’s hold hands.”

“Yeah!”

And with that, I survived—barely.