Chapter 48: The God of Crushing

That was close… A little longer, and I’d have passed out completely.

Passing out while bare from the waist down? That would’ve been a disgrace for generations. Not that there’s much of a “next generation” after me, considering my situation.

“My bad, my bad. You okay?”

“Y-yeah… though my groin hurts more than anything…”

If the impact had been just a bit stronger, it might have been fatal. I’d have been a Darwin Award winner for sure.

Oh, right—what about Shiro? Did she take a direct hit to the face? Or should I say, did something of mine directly hit her face?

“Grab it straight and crush it… grab it straight and crush it… grab it straight and crush it…”

She’s fallen into darkness! Her eyes have no light in them! And she’s gripping at nothing like crazy!

At this rate, I’m going to be the end of my family line. The next-generation production plant is about to be destroyed.

This is bad. Unlike the yandere trio, Shiro acts on her own will, which means there’s no safety mechanism here.

From what I’ve observed, the others have this underlying resistance to physically harming me because of the curse. Even Kumanokyo let go of her chokehold pretty quickly. But Shiro, who isn’t cursed, is just running wild with her emotions.

“Uh, Shiro! What are you doing with your hands?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s a declaration of intent: I’m going to crush you.”

Of course! Please, have mercy! You wouldn’t get it unless you were in my shoes, but being threatened like this while exposed is seriously terrifying.

You know how even if someone says, “I’ll cut your finger,” it’s not that scary? But if they pin your finger to a cutting board first, it’s a whole different story? Yeah, it’s like that.

“Wait, hold on! This isn’t funny…”

“I’m not joking!”

“Calm down!”

That was close! I barely managed to grab her arm in time. If I’d been even a second slower, she would’ve had me by the groin. I didn’t think she’d actually go for it!

“Shiro-san, could you stop bullying Kogoro-chan?”

“Shut up! He—he attacked me…!”

“It was an accident. You’re so petty.”

Yes! Class Rep! Keep it up! Stop her for me! I don’t have the strength to hold her off for long!

“Shiro, do you really like Sakamoto? Normally, you’d be happy, wouldn’t you?”

I hate to say this to my ally, but isn’t that totally off the mark? Even if they were dating, that’d still be gross.

“Huh? Like this guy? No way!”

“Whoa!”

Kicking me out of nowhere? That’s cheating! My reflexes are maxed out right now, so I dodged, but if this were any other time, I’d have been hit for sure.

“Shiro, knock it off. You’re in high school, so you should know what’s dangerous. You can’t go around doing that kind of thing to anyone but Sasaki.”

No, not even Sasaki! What did he ever do to deserve that?

“Shiro, I’m really sorry. I won’t ever do it again. I’ll stay out of your life forever, so please forgive me.”

“……”

“Whoa!”

Dangerous! Don’t come at me in silence to crush me!

But I’ve managed to pin both her hands now. As long as I stay hunched over, I can avoid a critical hit.

“Sakamoto, if you behave, I’ll go easy on you.”

“…How easy?”

“I’ll let go once you’ve cried so much there’s not a single tear left.”

You’ve seriously taken things too far. After making me go through all those abnormal stunts, the moment you’re the victim, this is how you react? I get that you’re angry, but can’t you balance this out with all the stuff you’ve done to me? Don’t tell me you don’t even understand the concept of letting things go.

“Hey, Shiro, seriously, knock it off. If something happens and it gets, you know… crushed, there’s no going back. You can’t just mess around with something like this.”

Kumanokyo is spitting straight facts. If you understand that much, why do you go all-out when it’s Sasaki-kun?

Anyway, just convince her somehow, I’m begging you. You’re my only hope here.

“Then, are you saying you won’t interfere even if he dates another girl?”

“Nope. I’ll crush both of them… obviously.”

What’s with that “obviously” tone? Don’t say it like it’s a given! Most people don’t go that far, you know.

“Anyway! You’re a man, aren’t you? Stop resisting! This is clearly your fault!”

“But it was an accident—”

“So what? Does being an accident mean it’s okay? Like if you hit someone with your car but didn’t mean to, that makes it fine?”

She has a point, but that still doesn’t justify resorting to violence. Vigilante justice isn’t legal, you know?

Ah… finally, the pain is subsiding. But even without the pain, the difference in strength is massive. I’m at my limit here—somebody help me!

“Class Rep… Mama! Help me!”

I’ve swallowed my pride and turned to the Class Rep for help. If I regress to a baby-like state, maybe she’ll take pity on me. I might owe her later, but if it ends this mess, it’s worth it…

Wait, Class Rep? Why aren’t you moving? What are you thinking about?

“Kogoro-chan, can you lift the ban on baby play in the classroom?”

“What? What are you even saying at a time like this—”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

And with that, she starts reading a manga. This girl… she’s pivoted to using Shiro as leverage! Fine. I won’t rely on her anymore. Kumanokyo, you’re my last hope.

“Kumanokyo… help…”

“Can you call me Momiji first?”

You too? What you’re doing is like telling someone clinging to a cliff, “I’ll pull you up if you sign this contract.” Shame on you.

But… I guess just calling her by her first name isn’t that bad. It’s a small price to pay.

“Momiji, help me…”

“Can you kiss me in the classroom? A deep one, in front of everyone.”

That’s too much! How can you demand two things at once? Be happy with the first-name thing! And what’s with “a deep one”? Do you mean a French kiss? No way! But… it’s better than baby play, I guess. Let’s negotiate.

“Can’t we settle this here?”

“…French? Or bird?”

What are you, a flight attendant offering inflight meals?

Wait… a French kiss is definitely a deep one, but what’s a bird kiss again? Like a quick peck, right?

“…Bird.”

“Shiro, don’t actually crush him, okay? Go easy.”

She went straight for French! How far are you going to push me?

“French!”

“Alright!”

“Let go! And stop pressing your giant chest against me!”

Apparently satisfied with the deal, Kumanokyo puts Shiro in a full nelson hold. The price I paid was heavy, but at least the damage was minimized.

“Kogoro-chan, why did you ask anyone but Mama for help?”

“…You didn’t help me!”

“That’s because you were being mean to Mama. Even I feel like being mean sometimes, you know.”

I haven’t done anything mean to her, and her “meanness” is no joke. I seriously don’t get why I’m the one being blamed here.

“Trying to negotiate in that situation? That’s not very Mama-like, don’t you think?”

“…You’re right. I’ve failed as Mama. In that case, let’s turn this into a more man-woman relationship…”

“Mama! I’m sorry for being mean!”

“My, my.”

“Hey! Why are you hugging while I’m over here struggling?!”

I don’t have a choice! My chastity is on the line here! It’s not like I’m hugging her because I want to. What’s sadder than being bare from the waist down and clinging to a classmate for dear life? From the outside, I must look like a total creep.

“Kogoro! I brought the camera… What are you doing?”

…Worst timing ever. Of course she’d come back right away. We live in the same neighborhood, after all.

What a day. A packed holiday with zero rest. And now, straight into a weekday…